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My husband and I have been separated for about 3 1/2 months, but we have two kids under the age of 3 together. He's been staying on weekends the past few weeks to see them because he works out of town. Today he tells me he's depressed and he feels like the only thing he has left are the kids.
So here's my question. Is it really my responsiblity now that I have moved out and am trying to move on, to make a special effort to "cheer him up"?
Obviously it's in the best interests of the kids for him to be mentally well, but after everything he put me through, I kinda feel like he deserves what he gets. I'm not saying I want him to commit suicide or anything, but should I have to spend time playing happy family (without the sex ofcourse) just to make his life a little brighter.
All I want is to get on with my life and raise the kids with a father that visits and wants to be a part of their life. I don't want him to get any idea that we could reconsile.
Your right, the well-being children must come first. I would suggest that if he continues to mention anything about depression or feeling lost, maybe see if you can get him some professional help. Sometimes the best thing for a person is to have a "fresh face" to talk to and get help and support from. There was a time in my life when I was going through some really tough problems, and I felt really depressed. So, I started seeing a psychiatrist and she really helped me get through it. However, these results were not overnight, I worked with her for about six months (but it was sooooo worth it). This may not be what you are looking for, but maybe he (and possibly you too) would benefit from some outside help. Plus, he or she will be able to tell you what's best for you and your kids.
IF he ever mentions anything about committing suicide, call 911 immediately, suicide is nothing to play around with.
I wish you and your family the best of luck and I hope this maybe shined a little bit of light onto your situation. Just one question, do you know for sure that he is depressed about your relationship with him, or is it possible that there might be something else in his life that is making him feel this way? Just wondering. Once again, good luck and I hope to hear from you soon!!! -mmccul
I agree. He needs to seek professional counseling. That is not your responsibility and you shouldn't have to feel guilty about what HE'S going through and about the emotions HE'S feeling while you guys are separated.
He needs to see a therapist - and you're not it! You need to tell him that. You are in no way responsible for his happiness or well-being or mental state.
Just one question, do you know for sure that he is depressed about your relationship with him, or is it possible that there might be something else in his life that is making him feel this way? Just wondering. Once again, good luck and I hope to hear from you soon!!! -mmccul
About a month after I left he lost his job and had to come down here to stay with us. He then got a short term contract in north FL. He's living out of a hotel basicly and he says he feels lost. He did have some problems with depression in the past, mostly out of loneliness I think. He was in a new city and didn't know anyone and got himself in to quite a financial mess. He ended up changing jobs, moving back to the town where his parents live and that's about the time when he and I got together. He's someone that keeps things bottled up until he doesn't have a choice.
Whenever things aren't going well, whether it be with his job, or financially, he just gets this whoa-is-me thing going, and it just gets really boring. Part of the problem is that one of the reasons things end of getting messed up for him financially is that he just buries his head in the sand and pretends it isn't happening.
He needs to see a therapist - and you're not it! You need to tell him that. You are in no way responsible for his happiness or well-being or mental state.
Does anyone know how a single white male without insurance actually goes about seeing a therapist in this state without paying out the butt?
Does anyone know how a single white male without insurance actually goes about seeing a therapist in this state without paying out the butt?
I don't know anything about Florida, but here in CA we have counseling on a sliding fee scale at some places. There are also psych students who need a certain number of hours, I guess like an internship, and they usually do it for free or very low cost, like $5.00 or so. Also, do what Little Mizz Pittsburgh says - google free or low cost support groups - or better yet ... have HIM google it.
First, it is not your responsibility to "cheer him up". He may very well be trying to lay a guilt trip on you to get you to reconcile. Stick to your guns.
He can go to a public health clinic. There are free clinics in every major city.
He definitely needs some professional help and just let him know that you are there for him. No more than that.
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