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Old 06-23-2009, 06:43 AM
 
Location: Kentucky Bluegrass
28,890 posts, read 30,255,037 times
Reputation: 19087

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Beautifulbrwnbabydoll View Post
I have been trying to set my good friend up with a guy that I know. He is a really nice guy, He is good looking with a terrific body, he does not have children, he does not do drugs, and he has a job and college experience. The only thing is that right now he lives with his mom. He moved in with his mom to save some money and he is working towards moving out.

So I told her all of this, and she said it was o.k. for him to call her, and he called her the day before yesterday. When I talked to her about him today, I asked her was she going to call him back, and she said she was, but I could tell in her voice that she really didn't want to. To make a long story short, I asked her why she didn't want to call him, and she said that it's cause he lives with his mom...and basically he is beneath her.

I was really upset with her about this, and i wonder how many women think like this! If it were me and I saw that they guy had goals and was working toward something I would give him a shot. She won't even give the guy the time of day based on one temporary situation. IMO, it's a shame and I am starting to feel sorry for some of the guys out here that can't even get a chance to be with someone unless they are totally perfect. She is a total B#$%h!!

No, she is not, and it depends on the situation....is the guy using his mother and paying no rent at all to save money? or, is he paying her rent?

I lived with my mom, in her home in the apartment upstairs, but I paid rent, of course she didn't want me to, but I could not ever take advantage of her like that, and everytime I got a raise, she got a raise.

Does he help her around the house with chores, does he give her money for food? Depends on the situation, plus, a grown man who still lives with his mother, well, is he taking care of her, does she have health issues, or is he simply a mama's boy?

Then to, all of us, at one time or another, have financial difficulties and need help...so, that also might be the case.

The problem I ahve with this is...she was ok with it until after she spoke with him on the phone, and you certainly can tell a lot about someone when you talk to them on the phone....

maybe he is a jerk? Maybe not? And just by your reaction, name calling her b/c she feels the way she does, is wrong.

She may see him in a totally different light than you do, and that light may not be very bright at all...you have to understand, that we all think and feel differently...doesn't mean your friends the perfect man, he's just not right for her? Respect that, and allow her feelings.....yes, she may be a bad person, but why then care, at least you didn't hook her up with your friend...wasn't meant to be...and sometimes when we loose, we REALLY WIN!!!!
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Old 06-23-2009, 06:49 AM
 
28,895 posts, read 54,138,340 times
Reputation: 46680
Quote:
Originally Posted by Beautifulbrwnbabydoll View Post
I have been trying to set my good friend up with a guy that I know. He is a really nice guy, He is good looking with a terrific body, he does not have children, he does not do drugs, and he has a job and college experience. The only thing is that right now he lives with his mom. He moved in with his mom to save some money and he is working towards moving out.

So I told her all of this, and she said it was o.k. for him to call her, and he called her the day before yesterday. When I talked to her about him today, I asked her was she going to call him back, and she said she was, but I could tell in her voice that she really didn't want to. To make a long story short, I asked her why she didn't want to call him, and she said that it's cause he lives with his mom...and basically he is beneath her.

I was really upset with her about this, and i wonder how many women think like this! If it were me and I saw that they guy had goals and was working toward something I would give him a shot. She won't even give the guy the time of day based on one temporary situation. IMO, it's a shame and I am starting to feel sorry for some of the guys out here that can't even get a chance to be with someone unless they are totally perfect. She is a total B#$%h!!
Depends on the age. If the guy is 23, hey there's no problem there. I moved back in with my mom at that age after my father died to help get her back on her feet.

On the other hand if the guy is in his late 20s or even 30s, then he really needs to cut the apron strings.
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Old 06-23-2009, 06:57 AM
 
Location: New Zealand and Australia
7,454 posts, read 13,423,099 times
Reputation: 7783
Its funny If I compare the time when I was living with my Mother, to since I've had my own place (8 years or so) Its like comparing chalk and cheese.

You find out so much more about yourself and so much more freedom to do what you want when you want. Anyone in their 20's who still lives at home get your own place as soon as you can, you won't regret it.
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Old 06-23-2009, 07:00 AM
 
Location: Westchester County
1,223 posts, read 1,687,708 times
Reputation: 1235
Quote:
Originally Posted by Beautifulbrwnbabydoll View Post
I have been trying to set my good friend up with a guy that I know. He is a really nice guy, He is good looking with a terrific body, he does not have children, he does not do drugs, and he has a job and college experience. The only thing is that right now he lives with his mom. He moved in with his mom to save some money and he is working towards moving out.

So I told her all of this, and she said it was o.k. for him to call her, and he called her the day before yesterday. When I talked to her about him today, I asked her was she going to call him back, and she said she was, but I could tell in her voice that she really didn't want to. To make a long story short, I asked her why she didn't want to call him, and she said that it's cause he lives with his mom...and basically he is beneath her.

I was really upset with her about this, and i wonder how many women think like this! If it were me and I saw that they guy had goals and was working toward something I would give him a shot. She won't even give the guy the time of day based on one temporary situation. IMO, it's a shame and I am starting to feel sorry for some of the guys out here that can't even get a chance to be with someone unless they are totally perfect. She is a total B#$%h!!
Welcome to the 21st century. So what if he has a good job, and went to college, and even has a direction for his life. Bottom line saving money is not the same has having money, and (SOME) women want the latter. Yes that means they want the completed picture. They are not interested in "taking that journey" with a man who has potential. They are only intrested in what he has and what can he buy me. Living with a parent as an adult is considered a failure regardless of the current economic climate. I'm in no means saying this is fair, but this is how (SOME) women think about men.
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Old 06-23-2009, 07:01 AM
 
Location: New Zealand and Australia
7,454 posts, read 13,423,099 times
Reputation: 7783
Quote:
Originally Posted by SKP440 View Post
Welcome to the 21st century. So what if he has a good job, and went to college, and even has a direction for his life. Bottom line saving money is not the same has having money, and (SOME) women want the latter. Yes that means they want the completed picture. They are not interested in "taking that journey" with a man who has potential. They are only intrested in what he has and what can he buy me. Living with a parent as an adult is considered a failure regardless of the current economic climate. I'm in no means saying this is fair, but this is how (SOME) women think about men.
We live in an instant world for sure.....
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Old 06-23-2009, 08:25 AM
 
3,440 posts, read 8,038,237 times
Reputation: 2402
I have looked into this topic and I have come to the conclusion that moving away from the people that love you the most is a North American middle/upper middle class mindset which largely evolved from the industrial age where people left the farms in search of work in the city. As a matter of fact, this is going on in China right now where thousands of young Chinese people are leaving the countryside to make a living (if you want to call it that) making shoes, cell phones and other appliances for the rest of the world. China is going through one of the largest migrations ever.


Anyhow, what Americans fail to realize is that life would be much easier and wealth would be more easily obtained if whole family/community would work together to support each other instead of the vicious cycle where each generation pays thousands of dollars for common knowledge and thousands more for a home that largely remains unoccupied because they are working.



Trust me, it's no coincidence that "the powers that be" have instilled into the masses the belief that young children need to leave home at 18 because if that were not the case the economy would be much smaller as nobody would be buying the appliances for the apartment, the military would have a much harder time recruiting, and corporations would have a much harder time finding young workers to exploit.




Last edited by Morphous01; 06-23-2009 at 08:34 AM..
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Old 06-23-2009, 08:32 AM
 
Location: Right Here
295 posts, read 667,521 times
Reputation: 190
Quote:
Originally Posted by Morphous01 View Post
I have looked into this topic and I have come to the conclusion that moving away from the people that love you the most is a North American middle/upper middle class mindset which largely evolved from the industrial age where people left the farms in search of work in the city. As a matter of fact, this is going on in China right now where thousands of young Chinese people are leaving the countryside to make a living (if you want to call it that) making shoes, cell phones and other appliances for the rest of the world. China is going through one of the largest migrations ever.


Anyhow, what Americans fail to realize is that life would be much easier and wealth would be more easily obtained if whole family/community would work together to support each other instead of the vicious cycle where each generation pays thousands of dollars for common knowledge and thousands more for a home that largely remains unoccupied because they are working.



Trust me, it's no coincidence that "the powers that be" have instilled into the masses the belief that young children need to leave home at 18 because if that were not the case the economy would be much smaller as nobody would be buying the appliances for the apartment, the military would have a much harder time recruiting, and in general corporations would have a much harder time finding young workers to exploit.


Wow. Great Post.
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Old 06-23-2009, 08:33 AM
 
Location: Some place very cold
5,501 posts, read 22,444,028 times
Reputation: 4353
A man living with his mom -- not a good sign.
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Old 06-23-2009, 08:46 AM
 
Location: Baltimore, MD
3,879 posts, read 8,380,607 times
Reputation: 5184
My fiance lived with his mom when we met.

He had several apartments and lived with several girlfriends throughout his 20's but the roommates had to bail or the relationships ended so he ended up at his moms til he could make enough to get out on his own again. We were both 29 when we met. In the process, he was laid off and 4 months later his part-time job closed up shop.

I overlooked it because he had the goal of changing careers and moving out and because our relationship bloomed and he turned out to be the exact guy I was looking for but admittedly, I did not like it.

He's now living with me and the wedding is this fall. We're now saving to buy a house in the next year or two.
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Old 06-23-2009, 08:53 AM
 
Location: Kentucky Bluegrass
28,890 posts, read 30,255,037 times
Reputation: 19087
Quote:
Originally Posted by silverwing View Post
Really. I would say to look at his relationship with his mother - and don't necessarily fall into the "if he treats his mother like a queen..." trap. If he does, remember that there is only one queen at a time in the monarchy

But, if there is a mutual respect between him and his parents, and a certain emotional distance that doesn't make them all cling together, then award him points for that.

I dated and married a man who lived with his parents into his 30s. He served 4 years in the Air Force, returned home in 1971 to finish his education while living with his parents, and just never got around to moving out (his words). That would have raised a flag, except that he and his folks shared a house - him upstairs and them down - and respected one another's domain. We married, he moved out, and two years later moved to the other side of the country - all without a lot of boo hoos on either side. I think the only fuss was the loss of rent he paid to them curtailed his mother's hobby of going to yard sales (a relief to my FIL. Yee gawds, the junk that woman accumulated ). 25 years later and we are still together.
Loved this post....
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