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It raises an interesting point though. I think its one of many reasons why breakups are so high at the mo.....quite simply people expect too much in a relationship.
I agree Dave, what marriage is perfect? Not to mention, all relationships are hard, let alone a marriage...but one thing...for certain, the person that wrote the article I posted in the OP, doesn't have any idea about diversity, and what works for some, might not work for others, not to mention...does he/she think its a perfect world? I mean, if we didn't have hard times, how would we appreciate and know the good times?
Well, when you consider that our society is one of the few that insists on strict monogamy being the mandate when others don't, and when you consider that for many thousands of years other societies had all sorts of recognized relationships, it's no wonder that our notion of marriage doesn't work very well. Especially since we're far outliving the ancient peoples who were lucky to live to be 50 years old.
I find it extremely amusing how the Bible is used to insist on our notion of marriage. People trot out maybe a half-dozen passages to make their case and apparently ignore what is in most of the book. Abraham, Judah, Jacob and the gang were NOT monogamous and yet the three "Great Religions" hold them up as holy men. Sheesh, Judah had wives, concubines AND he slept with his daughter-in-law, who had disguised herself as a prostitute.
My wife's sister is involved with a "not so good at all" marriage. She is 57 and has been married to a former minister for "upteen" years. Years ago, her husband basically stopped doing things with her. They even sleep in different beds and bedrooms (that started a few years ago). She spends a lot of weekends with the grand kids and he just stays at home. She vary seldom talks about him or how he is doing. We think she is a "love/hate" relationship with him. She had left him a couple of times years ago, just to let him move back in with her. She will not separate or get a divorce because of her Christian beliefs. She is a very nice lady, but (to me) pretty stupid for staying with him......but, it is her choice.
This reminds me... A local man in his 60s went missing a year ago. Ground search and rescue, helicopters, volunteers combed fields and woods, for 2 weeks or so. In the meantime, the newspaper tried to tell the story from his wife's point of view. Low and behold, awkwardly, their lifestyle peeked through. The wife came from some local gathering home on a Saturday, thought that her husband was "in his room, where he sometimes went". She was preparing to go out on a Sunday's happening somewhere, when she finally decided to check on her husband. His room was empty. Then my dh said that he always saw her alone here and there. I think the "sometimes room" was actually his permanent room, they were just co-existing.
I think lots of couples get into that patterns after many years together. Some gray-haired people still hold hands and sleep together, but I think about 50% of people fall into whatever is comfortable for them, becoming friends - which, I think, who are we to judge. Getting old alone or getting old with a warm body by your side, pick your option.
Anyway, they couldn't find him, and the search stopped. A week later still, his body was found by a couple of his friends who had kept looking, not far from his house.
Well, when you consider that our society is one of the few that insists on strict monogamy being the mandate when others don't, and when you consider that for many thousands of years other societies had all sorts of recognized relationships, it's no wonder that our notion of marriage doesn't work very well. Especially since we're far outliving the ancient peoples who were lucky to live to be 50 years old.
I find it extremely amusing how the Bible is used to insist on our notion of marriage. People trot out maybe a half-dozen passages to make their case and apparently ignore what is in most of the book. Abraham, Judah, Jacob and the gang were NOT monogamous and yet the three "Great Religions" hold them up as holy men. Sheesh, Judah had wives, concubines AND he slept with his daughter-in-law, who had disguised herself as a prostitute.
So?????????? What your saying is, if our society found infidelity to be perfectly acceptable, people as a whole would be much happier?
My wife's sister is involved with a "not so good at all" marriage. She is 57 and has been married to a former minister for "upteen" years. Years ago, her husband basically stopped doing things with her. They even sleep in different beds and bedrooms (that started a few years ago). She spends a lot of weekends with the grand kids and he just stays at home. She vary seldom talks about him or how he is doing. We think she is a "love/hate" relationship with him. She had left him a couple of times years ago, just to let him move back in with her. She will not separate or get a divorce because of her Christian beliefs. She is a very nice lady, but (to me) pretty stupid for staying with him......but, it is her choice.
Can you imagine being that unhappy for that long?
sheesh? scary how very little we humans will accept and some for a lifetime? Wow.....
I agree Dave, what marriage is perfect? Not to mention, all relationships are hard, let alone a marriage...but one thing...for certain, the person that wrote the article I posted in the OP, doesn't have any idea about diversity, and what works for some, might not work for others, not to mention...does he/she think its a perfect world? I mean, if we didn't have hard times, how would we appreciate and know the good times?
Hugs
Creme
I actually reackon alot of people deep down are aware of this....and like us if they were to discuss it like we are now would agree with us.
The problem is its easy to write or say, but much more testing to play out or action. Like alot of things I guess.
This reminds me... A local man in his 60s went missing a year ago. Ground search and rescue, helicopters, volunteers combed fields and woods, for 2 weeks or so. In the meantime, the newspaper tried to tell the story from his wife's point of view. Low and behold, awkwardly, their lifestyle peeked through. The wife came from some local gathering home on a Saturday, thought that her husband was "in his room, where he sometimes went". She was preparing to go out on a Sunday's happening somewhere, when she finally decided to check on her husband. His room was empty. Then my dh said that he always saw her alone here and there. I think the "sometimes room" was actually his permanent room, they were just co-existing.
I think lots of couples get into that patterns after many years together. Some gray-haired people still hold hands and sleep together, but I think about 50% of people fall into whatever is comfortable for them, becoming friends - which, I think, who are we to judge. Getting old alone or getting old with a warm body by your side, pick your option.
Anyway, they couldn't find him, and the search stopped. A week later still, his body was found by a couple of his friends who had kept looking, not far from his house.
yes, thought provoking story, reminding me of when I waitressed. Gwad, it used to shock me, the amount of old people who came in for dinner, who were miserable, never smiled when they ordered...and sat there and said NO THING to each other the entire time...nothing? I can't grasp that...someone, quick, slap me upside the head. LOL
sheesh? scary how very little we humans will accept and some for a lifetime? Wow.....
it's amazing to me how being "unhappy" for that long can be attributed to being married.
give a person a chance and they will almost always say they wish something was "better"...how many "new and improved" products do you find in the grocery aisles? marketers know the psychology, and use it to sell products...
So?????????? What your saying is, if our society found infidelity to be perfectly acceptable, people as a whole would be much happier?
Please try to stop thinking like an American in the 21st Century. I'm not being condescending -- if you want to get to the root of why so many marriages in this day and age are unsuccessful, you need to go back to the root of the issue.
Don't you see -- it was NOT considered "infidelity" to have other relationships. It was EXPECTED that men would. And people tended to live in clans, so it took a couple of wives to raise the children and tend the household. As for prostitution, that's as old as time itself.
The main reasons that what we would consider "marriage" came into being were solely to determine legitimate heirs AND to establish property rights/increase wealth. They didn't have DNA testing -- the only way a man could ensure that a child was his was to create relationship rules for women -- take them into his household and manage them so they couldn't have sex with other men. Then, he could ensure that the offspring from the relationship(s) were his and he would have legitimate heirs.
Btw, the real definition of adultery is to have sex with a married woman who is not one's wife. Doesn't matter if the man is married or not, and having sex with a single woman is not deemed adultery. Why? Because if another man is having sex with a married woman, then the paternity of the children was in question.
Anthropologists have said that marriage is not faring well in the modern world because we no longer need the rationalizations that brought it into being -- we have DNA testing to establish paternity, all sorts of inheritance laws and women, of course, can own property in their own right, and we're living far longer than previous civilizations did.
Sooooo, holding up the old models and forcing them as the NORM on modern people is foolish. We still think that the vast majority of people should be married when that's probably not the case. Relationships should reflect people's needs, instead.
Dunno. It's a truly wild account. I asked the vicar if the producers of "Desperate Housewives" had read it, LOL.
If you're interested, Google Tamar and Judah. The story is found in the book of Genesis. I'm afraid that I tend to giggle and think "I wonder if she knows?" when I encounter women named Tamara. Hee-hee.
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It's a truly wild account. I asked the vicar if the producers of "Desperate Housewives" had read it, LOL.
