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Well, if a husband steps out with a woman, then he's called all sorts of names and despised -- so is the mistress. If he steps out with a man, then he's pitied for being a "repressed minority" and criticizing his relationship with his male partner is considered "homophobic" and hateful. Oh, and SOCIETY is blamed because we all FORCED him into the closet with our "fear and hatred of GLBTs" so it's not his fault that he felt so manipulated into living a double life.
Besides, if he steps out with a man, he doesn't have to worry about an unintended pregnancy.
I didn't read the entire thread, but the title itself hits home for me, especially, since they say, this is the #1 cause of the rise in HIV cases amongst African-American women. Men, proclaiming to be 'happily' married or 'happily' involved in a relationship, having sex with other men...we call it, 'ON THE DOWN LOW', in the African-American community and it is not a joke and quite selfish, actually.
Yes, it is selfish when anyone cheats. I've heard about this "DL" phenomenon, and obviously, it's not just an AA thing. Everyone, regardless of race, has participated in this.
Well, if a husband steps out with a woman, then he's called all sorts of names and despised -- so is the mistress. If he steps out with a man, then he's pitied for being a "repressed minority" and criticizing his relationship with his male partner is considered "homophobic" and hateful. Oh, and SOCIETY is blamed because we all FORCED him into the closet with our "fear and hatred of GLBTs" so it's not his fault that he felt so manipulated into living a double life.
Besides, if he steps out with a man, he doesn't have to worry about an unintended pregnancy.
I think society does have a large part to do with it. Homosexuality is still proscribed culturally, so many closeted gay or bisexual men and women, or men and women who are just "bicurious," are forced to suppress that in order to live "happily ever after" in a fantasy world. When conformity is expected and essentially enforced, you can expect people to go along with that, but eventually, their true propensities turn up, one way or another.
I think society does have a large part to do with it. Homosexuality is still proscribed culturally, so many closeted gay or bisexual men and women, or men and women who are just "bicurious," are forced to suppress that in order to live "happily ever after" in a fantasy world. When conformity is expected and essentially enforced, you can expect people to go along with that, but eventually, their true propensities turn up, one way or another.
That doesn't appear to be the case with "bi-curious" women. It's seems like it's a rite of passage to a lot of younger women.
Well, if a husband steps out with a woman, then he's called all sorts of names and despised -- so is the mistress. If he steps out with a man, then he's pitied for being a "repressed minority" and criticizing his relationship with his male partner is considered "homophobic" and hateful. Oh, and SOCIETY is blamed because we all FORCED him into the closet with our "fear and hatred of GLBTs" so it's not his fault that he felt so manipulated into living a double life.
Besides, if he steps out with a man, he doesn't have to worry about an unintended pregnancy.
If that is something you experience, it doesn't happen very often. Married men who are outed don't get much sympathy from anyone.
Yes, it is selfish when anyone cheats. I've heard about this "DL" phenomenon, and obviously, it's not just an AA thing. Everyone, regardless of race, has participated in this.
I know, and it had gone on for ages, too, but for some reason, it has really affected the AA community in recent years with the rise in HIV rates.
So it's only a problem if it's a man? Is that what you're saying?
Uh, no. I'm talking about how society views it. I don't care if a person is bi-sexual or "bi-curious". They just need to be honest. I hate it when bi-sexual people claim they're heterosexual. If they're sexually attracted to the same sex then they aren't straight.
I think society does have a large part to do with it. Homosexuality is still proscribed culturally, so many closeted gay or bisexual men and women, or men and women who are just "bicurious," are forced to suppress that in order to live "happily ever after" in a fantasy world. When conformity is expected and essentially enforced, you can expect people to go along with that, but eventually, their true propensities turn up, one way or another.
To some degree, you're right but it's not just about GLBTs -- anyone who isn't interested in traditional marriage is considered odd, and that includes those of us who are heterosexual and happily single. It's truly a bizarre norm to insist on, considering that about half of marriages fail. Society holds up marriage as the glowing example and expected norm for EVERYONE, even though there's a huge failure rate.
Personally, I think that the state needs to get out of the marriage business. Let adults set up households or not with whomever they choose. Marriage should not be given special tax privileges or incentives and it should NOT be forced on people as "the norm." Those who are religious and see marriage as something sacred can always have a church ceremony. But society should NOT be pushing one lifestyle over another or giving some people incentives while dissing others. That's discrimination.
I think that if we were to do this, it would get rid of a lot of tension and hang-ups. By extension, it would reduce perversion and sexual rebellion, which often comes as a result of unhappiness and frustration. Will Puritannical America ever do this? I hope so but probably not.
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