Do you love where you live? (younger, friends, partner, emotionally)
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I absolutely love where I live. Funnily enough, I moved to this part of town only because when I got married, this is where my husband lived. I hated it at first...felt like it was boonie-town...but it's grown, and so have I, and now that I am divorced and living with my son, I could not have asked for a better area. The schools, our neighbors, 15 min from work...it's all good.
I absolutely love where I live. Funnily enough, I moved to this part of town only because when I got married, this is where my husband lived. I hated it at first...felt like it was boonie-town...but it's grown, and so have I, and now that I am divorced and living with my son, I could not have asked for a better area. The schools, our neighbors, 15 min from work...it's all good.
Wow, that's great that you've grown to love the place you've hated. Mind if I ask how long that took? I've hated Cleveland for over 15 years.
I hate Los Angeles with a blind purple passion and I can't wait to leave it. It's not the same place a grew up in. I have found a beautiful place to move to and as soon as I get a job there, I'm on the road as fast as I can pack the truck.
As for the OP, I would start saving to move. You've let your husband have his way for 20 years and since he's comfortable, why should he move? I would start spending holidays with my family and if he didn't come along, oh well. I would try to find something in between and if he doesn't want to compromise then you know that your feelings do not matter to him, actually you don't matter to him. It wouldn't surprise me if you discovered that the only reason he's still married to you if because you are willing to go along with his program and that he's perfectly willing to let your marriage go rather than inconvenience himself.
Wow, that's great that you've grown to love the place you've hated. Mind if I ask how long that took? I've hated Cleveland for over 15 years.
Well, it wasn't all that far away from where I had moved from...only to a next-door city. And the beach is still near enough...along with family. So it wasn't all that much. I think the worst thing for me initially, is that I absolutely hated the house we were in (he is still there), and once I moved into my own, I was good to go. So...about 5 years. I think living away from the coast would be very hard for me to do.
I've been struggling for many years now hating where we live (Cleveland). Husband grew up here and loves it as his family and lifelong friends are here. Every holiday for the last 20 years has been spent at his family's home since mine is over 10 hours away by drive and I can't afford to fly often.
I'm longing to move closer to my family, but dear husband loves his job and is unwilling to ask for a transfer as he "wouldn't have the same boss" with whom he is friends. He's also mentioned that he wants to stay near his mom to help repair her plumbing, tune her car, or any of the other little things he does for her on a weekly basis.
I appreciate and love the fact that he wants to care for his mom, but I'm feeling resentful because I feel that after 20 years, "it's my turn" (even though I know how childish that sounds.) Not to mention that I don't want my kids in the crippling unemployment, crime, the ongoing FBI investigation of our corrupt government, poor schools, poverty and overall deterioration I see every day in this city. He's a great guy but we're both very opinionated and stuck on this.
So since he's the primary breadwinner for now and has the power in this decision, how do I get over being away from family, hating where I live or accepting the area I live in even if it's not my ideal? Any advice would be welcome.
Not too long ago, when a woman married and moved away there was a strong likelyhood that she would never see her family again.
Fortunately, these days we have the benefit of telephones and other means of communicating as well as the marvels of modern transportation that allow us to go and visit (and them to come and visit).
If your parents cannot afford or are not able to come and visit you then you need to save up and have an annual visit with them. Have THEY ever considered moving closer to YOU? That's what my elderly parents did more than 20 years ago.
Your first responsibility is to your husband and to your own family. He is the provider and his job is there. So you have to make up your mind to make the best of it and encourage and support him at every turn. If you insist on complaining about this issue you will only serve to drive a wedge between you and cause hard feelings.
I LOVE Los Angeles. Of course there are some parts where I would never even visit, let alone live, but for me, this the best place in the country.
Specifically, the Sherman Oaks and Studio City areas. Yes, Woodland Hills is nice (shopping, entertainment, safe neighborhood where I can run) but Sherman Oaks and Studio City are just perfect for me. I lived in Toluca Lake for years and loved the neighborhood feel of it, but was convinced by my wife (girlfriend at the time) to move to Sherman Oaks. So I sold my place there and bought a new one in S.O. and ended up buying another condo there. Its all pretty much the same areas where I grew up hanging out and going to school, but I just love walking down the street or going into any of the Starbucks and hearing languages from all over the world being spoken.
No, I dont love where I live,but it where my husbands job is too.
I have a feeling we wont be here forever....retirement is not feasible here.
Unless we plan way way ahead!
20 years is a lifetime... How could you not develop some acquaintanship or discover some places that relate to you, personally? I hated some areas of Vancouver, mostly those where my jobs were, the industrial or strip-mall areas, but that didn't mean that I didn't like Vancouver as a whole...
Maybe you are one of those people who has tight-knit family and being with the family is very important to them, and everywhere else is always bad. Some people have to stay put to be happy. Some people have to leave to be happy.
And, how about going to the end of the earth with a person you love? I understand the singles' searches for better life/place, but I think most of the singles would say, if I had a person I loved, it would not matter as much where we would have ended up.
Personally, you couldn't stop me with a gun from moving in my younger years. Moving on the other side of the Earth, too. After 40, you can't move me from the place I am in. Of course, many positive things converged at the same time - I met SO, loved this quiet rural place, had my kids. But still, I live very far away from my family and it doesn't bother me. You must be different.
I could write a book about why New Jersey sucks. I have always hates living here and although I was born and raised her, I never felt like a native. If you are not one of them, then you're out of luck. If you are like me, and don't like (in that awful Jersey accent) "Da' Beach, Da' club, Da' Mall, 'en Da' Yankees!" then you're out of luck.
The people around here couldn't read their way through a book of matches, all listen to the same generic pop or hip-hop crap, and all hate nature and have no intrest in the outdoors. Spritually, there are only the foaming-at-the-mouth-fundies, the foaming-at-the-mouth-religion-and-spirituallity-haters, and those who are too stupid to know what "spirituality" means. The summers are way too hot, the winters way too cold, the crime is awful, the price of living is through the roof and traffic is a nightmere.
I can't wait to move. I feel like that famous Blind Melon Video "No Rain". Everything I am into is my "tap dancing in a bee costume", Jersey is that slum filled with bored looking people, and the Pacific North West is that green field with other "bee people" jumping around and having tap dancing:
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Not to mention that I don't want my kids in the crippling unemployment, crime, the ongoing FBI investigation of our corrupt government, poor schools, poverty and overall deterioration I see every day in this city. He's a great guy but we're both very opinionated and stuck on this.
