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As far as the OP goes, no, I don't want a daddy, but I wouldn't mind not having to work outside the home unless it was on my own terms. I was self-employed for more than a decade before I entered college. Being in school is like being self-employed in a lot of ways- setting my own schedule; only having to be accountable to myself, etc. I'm finding working for others to be a challenge. My dh and I had the conversation last night. I told him that once he finishes school, and if he is able to land a job that pays as well as the one I have now, I would like to stay home, which would translate into raising a child and continuing my education. Of course, he has no problem with this. He said it's not like we want a lot of 'things' and if we can manage for another 10-15 years and go and buy our dream campground, live sustainably, we should go settle into our niche.
Heck, he offered that I stay home after I graduated (or just stay in school), but I didn't feel that was good for him. He was making ok money (>60k/yr) as a fine dining waiter, but he had his own dreams that should be realized and that's exactly what we're doing now. The rat race is starting to get to me though, and I hope I can hold on to my senses.
NotARedneck actually had something interesting to say.
But it seems the ladies here aren't interested in anything
that can't be answered with "I don't need no stinkin' man'
or some other version of that old favorite. Girls, remove
the stick. It's obviously restricting flow to thinking parts.
Any reason why none of you have posted your photo?
Yep, another loser who thinks with the other head.
You explained yourself very well. My concern is that you, as with most women, feel a need to justify your decision not to work or be "independent" as if this makes you less of a person. You're grandparents sound much like mine, and I suspect you and I would both agree that grandma neither commanded less respect or was inferior to grandpa in any way! I would also wager that grandpa would have been a shell of himself without the support of his loving wife as well.
Amen. These days, a lot of women see themselves as inferior or slaves if they stay home. They roll their necks about being independent, but marriage is not about being independent. It is a partnership. You can be your own person, but if you don't want anyone doing anything for you, stay single.
A lot of people think of SAH wives/moms as golddiggers or lazy. He pays all the bills so everything is his and, should things go south, the women should walk out with what they came in with. Again, partnership. So little value is placed on the woman's role at home.
Amen. These days, a lot of women see themselves as inferior or slaves if they stay home. They roll their necks about being independent, but marriage is not about being independent. It is a partnership. You can be your own person, but if you don't want anyone doing anything for you, stay single.
A lot of people think of SAH wives/moms as golddiggers or lazy. He pays all the bills so everything is his and, should things go south, the women should walk out with what they came in with. Again, partnership. So little value is placed on the woman's role at home.
I don't believe your understanding some of us...it's nice to have someone care for you and take care of you, and visa versa, that is what love is all about, caring for someone, but, there are some of us that cannot be smothered.
For instance, I'm the kind of woman that needs quality time on my own to pursue, hobbies, career, or a few weekend getaways with the girls....and he should be able to do the same, say, go on a few weekend golfing trips with his buddies. I'm not saying hang in a bar, but it does eveyone good to get away and mingle as well as having outside interests.
I can't be smothered, nor would I want to smother anyone else. Some men and women cannot do anything without their spouse. I couldn't live like that...it's healthy and good to have getaway weekends with your friends without you spouse along. And this is just one example.
I really really enjoyed being a wife and mother...enjoyed doing special things for my guys and planning surprises and parties for them...I hated ironing to, but I'd never expect my man to iron his own shirt...and in the same, he helped me around the house...it all evens itself out...
what I wouldn't do again, is be the sole giver, when you give and give and there is no reciprocation....it's now easy to develop a chip on your shoulder.
Whatever works for the individual, is fine...but I don't have to be a couple to be happy and I'm so glad I've had this period of independence in my life, I've learned a lot...have become more self sufficent, more aware, it's a new life experience, in itself.
A friend of ours lost his wife years ago...before she passed away, he said, "I can't be alone". Guess what, he latched onto the first woman who came along and is he ever miserable....she is a witch, and his wife was an angel...she was one of the most kindest, caring, patient giving women I've known. We warned him, but he wouldn't listen..this woman, is in her late 60's and she is very jealous and smothering.
also, when I stayed home for a while, when my son was little, for me, it got old....I needed adult conversation....it just wasn't for me....I've worked all my life and do enjoy working...for one thing, I enjoy nice things, therefore, I wanted to work and help out...that way we could afford more...and I worked in the summer and was laid off in the winter, so, it worked out well...when I was laid off in the winter, I'd take a job as a waitress evenings, therefore, we both had quality time with our son.
Last edited by cremebrulee; 07-01-2009 at 09:12 AM..
Amen. These days, a lot of women see themselves as inferior or slaves if they stay home. They roll their necks about being independent, but marriage is not about being independent. It is a partnership. You can be your own person, but if you don't want anyone doing anything for you, stay single.
A lot of people think of SAH wives/moms as golddiggers or lazy. He pays all the bills so everything is his and, should things go south, the women should walk out with what they came in with. Again, partnership. So little value is placed on the woman's role at home.
If anyone want to believe "Oh the poor dear! She must be so unfulfilled" because I chose to retire & take care of the house, go right a head. As long as my DH appreciates what I do I could care less what the rest of the world thinks!
If anyone want to believe "Oh the poor dear! She must be so unfulfilled" because I chose to retire & take care of the house, go right a head. As long as my DH appreciates what I do I could care less what the rest of the world thinks!
I don't believe your understanding some of us...it's nice to have someone care for you and take care of you, and visa versa, that is what love is all about, caring for someone, but, there are some of us that cannot be smothered.
For instance, I'm the kind of woman that needs quality time on my own to pursue, hobbies, career, or a few weekend getaways with the girls....and he should be able to do the same, say, go on a few weekend golfing trips with his buddies. I'm not saying hang in a bar, but it does eveyone good to get away and mingle as well as having outside interests.
I can't be smothered, nor would I want to smother anyone else. Some men and women cannot do anything without their spouse. I couldn't live like that...it's healthy and good to have getaway weekends with your friends without you spouse along. And this is just one example.
I really really enjoyed being a wife and mother...enjoyed doing special things for my guys and planning surprises and parties for them...I hated ironing to, but I'd never expect my man to iron his own shirt...and in the same, he helped me around the house...it all evens itself out...
what I wouldn't do again, is be the sole giver, when you give and give and there is no reciprocation....it's now easy to develop a chip on your shoulder.
Whatever works for the individual, is fine...but I don't have to be a couple to be happy and I'm so glad I've had this period of independence in my life, I've learned a lot...have become more self sufficent, more aware, it's a new life experience, in itself.
A friend of ours lost his wife years ago...before she passed away, he said, "I can't be alone". Guess what, he latched onto the first woman who came along and is he ever miserable....she is a witch, and his wife was an angel...she was one of the most kindest, caring, patient giving women I've known. We warned him, but he wouldn't listen..this woman, is in her late 60's and she is very jealous and smothering.
also, when I stayed home for a while, when my son was little, for me, it got old....I needed adult conversation....it just wasn't for me....I've worked all my life and do enjoy working...for one thing, I enjoy nice things, therefore, I wanted to work and help out...that way we could afford more...and I worked in the summer and was laid off in the winter, so, it worked out well...when I was laid off in the winter, I'd take a job as a waitress evenings, therefore, we both had quality time with our son.
That really has nothing to do with what I posted. Being smothered is a whole other topic. I'm referring to people who see being a SAH wife or mom as some inferior position in life.
see, that comment really disturbs me, and I mean no insult...but why? Why can't you take care of yourself?
when I was still dating, there were so many men who felt like that...they didn't care if I had something to say, they didn't even take the time to ask me who I was, what I liked, what were my passions and goals in life, they were simply looking for SOMEONE to take care of them? To me, that spells, needy and codependency. It's not difficult to do laundry, shopping, ironing, and cooking.
Braunwyn My boss is a woman and she is difficult. She's the first female I have ever worked for (so take this for what's its worth) and it hasn't been easy. OTOH, I realize this has as much to do with me as her, unfortunately.
I have worked in the corporate field for many years. As I stated before, I have worked for and with several women that were as good if not better then men in their positions. But...I have also seen the other side of the coin, and women in corporate positions are not all good managers. I have worked with some very vile women, who do not know their jobs and have destroyed the careers and lives of others, due to their vengeful and incompetent natures. Woman have been pushed to the top, due to the fact that they are women and for no other reason..., they lack confidence, and blame everyone else for their misgivings and inability to perform their postions. I can't tell you how many people I've talked to and been associated with that shake their heads and cringe at some of the stuff these women get away with.
Back stabbing and walking all over people to get to where they're going...women who come into a department and change what is already working, to try and make a name for herself, and she doesn't care who looses their jobs...due to her insensitive nature. I've see a department who spent tons of money on a system that is working, and someone gets a promotion, comes in and takes the department over and isn't able to take what is exisiting and fine tune it, but actually changes the entire system around, and goes with people that are less then effective and everyone in the department looks bad. Corporations have become way to big to oversee this...or even care that this is happening.
I've see women who actually travel, yet, have children at home....one women I knew was an exec, and had a permenately sick child at home, plus 3 others...I think, deep down inside, she hated working, but wanted the million dollar home. Please believe I am not exhaggerating or making up stories.
I've seen their secretaries in tears, because they are so nasty. Beleive me, there are very few women who do their jobs effectively as equal to, or better then any man, but there are a few.
I've seen and heard department directors shake their heads and made to tollerate incompetence...I really don't believe, American's realize how much incompetence exists in jobs today.
I believe the best person should get the job, not a person who is a minority...I've seen how this concept has destroyed competence, and has enabled incompetence, not to mention, no one gets fired today for doing a bad job....it's not right...and these employees, are causing millions of dollars in losses a year. MILLIONS!
Let me remind you, not all women are like this....I have worked with and for a lot of decent women employees who know what they're doing and are team workers....but the majority of them, are not and should not be in the positions they are in....they are bullies and they've destroyed people's lives due to jealousy and insecurities...
you have no idea how many people I've heard over the years say to me, "I'd never again work for a women", and I'm talking top executives.
Women's suffrage was a success thanks to courageous women in the 1800's, followed by many women in subsequent eras demanding and succesfully obtaining, for the most part, equal treatment and pay in US.
Gone are the days of barefoot and preagnant, along with the Leave it to Beaver, "June what's for dinner" way of life. Our economy is built on 2 income households, few women have the option NOT to work.
For you single women out there, would you give it all up, the job, the independence and all the trappings if given the chance to marry a strong and succesful, but painfully old fashioned man? He would love and cherish you, be kind, affectionate and attentive to the children. He would also insist on bearing any burdens and making all the important decisions for the family. He would want a wife to be obedient and supportive, You'd be expeced to keep a tidy house and have dinner ready with a smile when he gets home.
Just curious how many women out there want to meet and marry a provider and a "daddy" figure versus a partner, and equal contributor.
I didn't read ALL the resonses but read enuf.....
Let's ignore the word obediant
Old fashion ideas like this are only on TV.
Old fashion ideas like this is why SAHM's get such a bum rap.
Do people not understand just what is involved in a SAHM's life? How many episodes do you see June Cleaver actually sitting down doing nothing?
So I guess, if the man goes out and "works" all day and all I have to do is clean the house, make the meals, get the kids off to school (if they are even school age)well fed and in clean clothes. Run all the household errands, do the laundry, shuttle the kids to and from afterschool activities, get home in time to have a full course meal on the table and STILL be available for my husband's needs....HELL no....I'm getting an outside job, hire a nanny and a maid. I need the rest!
Yes, women who don't "work" have such an easy life!
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