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This "I need someone else to be happy" is why so many teens end up pregnant. They want someone to love them. The reality that babies don't love them but have needs, is harsh. (yes babies grow to love their loving mommies but that's another thread)
Adults have this same thought process: I need someone else to be happy. Being in a couple can make you temporarily happy. It lasts as long as the honeymoon period does. When the other person stops making us happy, we're off to the next one.
Unfortunately, relationships have become just as disposable as everything else in our society. Parental relationship are trying to hold on, but considering some of threads on here, those are falling by the wayside as well.
What if making others happy makes you happy? Do you enroll in Clown College (here in Florida).
I think the majority of teen girls who get pregnant do so because they let their passion go to their head and trust their boyfriends to pull out before they start to spill their seed. Young women should understand that they are for more emotionally mature that they dumb boys they develop relationships with. Girls will allow a guy inside them because they love their guys. Guys often care little about the feeling of love and more about spreading their seed without thinking of the consequences.
Telling people they should be joyful because they're alone/lonely is just as dangerous in my opinion as stating they should only be happy when with someone else. To me, you should work on realistic perceptions of why you're not attracting or getting who you desire, while following some of your own interests, improve what is within reason, do new things, don't settle, but this still takes a bit of note that [the right] someone would make your life better than it is.
One should try it on their own first...they should be self sufficent, be confident, they don't need someone in their lives to be a productive member of society. They should try going out to dinner alone, movies, and be totally independent of looking for approval from family & friends to live the life they choose.
No one is telling anyone to be joyful being alone, being alone isn't for everyone...but someone who wishes to be alone, isn't nuts for doing so.
Perhaps someone has put their children first...for instance, they've decided to raise them and put their own lives on hold until the children are old enough to go out on their own.
I was married, and taking care of someone since I was 17 years old. Working since I was 13 years old. I enjoyed being a wife and mother, best experiences of my life. But being married is not for me. I'm way to independent now....that doesn't make me nuts. I love doing things on my own, taking vacations alone, and I've met the most wonderful people doing so. If I would have waited for someone to go with, I wouldn't have gone, b/c I didn't know anyone who loved to travel. That is not narcississum. I know very few people who are able to travel to another country like I have on my own. I'm very proud of that accomplishment, plus all the sights I've seen. I've made some very good friends doing so (couples) and have enjoyed every minute of the experiences.
However, as I said, being alone isn't for everyone, although, I do know an awful lot of older women who are now widows. They would never ever marry again. Some say, b/c they feel they had the best and could never find another like their husbands...others say, they're marriage was ok, but they never want to be a mother to another man...and others have had the great responsiblity of being a wife and mother, like me, and now, I want to live my life, as I see fit. Is that narcississtic, no, a bit selfish perhaps. I was the caretaker, the giver and I have no regrets for trying...but, I love coming home and not worrying about what I have to cook for dinner, b/c my husband can't start dinner, or doesn't want to go out to eat, b/c he doesn't want to spend the money. I now enjoy going to the movies I wish to see, watching programs on TV I want to watch, and making my own decissions, buying what I want to buy, but most of all, I love the self esteem I've built not to mention, the freedom...God, I wouldn't trade it for the world. That is not narcissisum...that is in my opinion, being comfortable with the company I keep.
Being alone, again, is not for everyone...but in my opinon, before anyone gets married, they should go out there and work for what they want, and not depend on any other man or woman to fulfill they're dreams. You can't be happy, unless you are content with your life, and fulfilled as a human being. If your not happy, no one else on this planet is going to make you happy.
I cringe when people say, "I can't do things on my own". It's sad that they don't realize the experience of being self sufficent.
Once you know who you are, what your dreams are, your desires, your more apt to choose someone who thinks and feels the same way and not just jump at the first man who comes down the pike and asks you to marry him. Society conditions us to believe we must be a couple to be successful. Even the Bible, says, some people are meant not to be married or a couple. I deem myself one of those people. I cannot speak for anyone else...but my life right now, is so fulfulled, and I feel so accomplished....and everyday I thank God for my life, both good and bad...but the good never ends...and the life I live is so satisfying.
There are other personal reasons why, of which I won't go into...but there is nothing wrong with someone who doesn't wish to be a couple.
It's simply the way you were conditioned to believe....and you won't consider anyone who disagrees, it's a negative thought to you, therefore, that person must be wrong or mentally impared. No, your wrong, different strokes for different folks.
Wayne, what I forgot to say, is this...so many of us, when we're younger, look for approval from folks to be happy. For instance, say you have a son, and he decides, he wants to backpack Europe for a year. You fear him doing so alone, why, b/c you don't understand his desire to do so...so you tell him, no he can't...or he's older and you do everything you can to discourage him. Not fair...he can't live your life, your dreams, values, etc. He is his own individual...so many times when I left to travel on my own, my mother would do everything she could to discourage me. Do you realize, no one in my family has ever really gone anywhere outside of the small world they've built for themselves. I mean, they never traveled, have never seen such marvelous sights....to this day, I've invited my sister along with me, but she fears spending money, b/c she might not have fun. She looks for every excuse in the world not to go....it makes me sad....and she to, will try to say anything to discourage my decissions. I won't look for approval from anyone to be happy.
So many times, I've had friends tell me, they've planned a trip, and most people including family and friends look for reasons why they shouldn't do what they are doing...so, a lot of people won't go, and accomplish.
We should try and understand others outside our realm and encourage them to live THEIR lives, not ours...you, me and everyone else here, believe what we believe, b/c we were conditioned by our parents to think and feel the way we do...but what was good for our parents isn't always good for us...it has a lot to do with the times....generation gaps, and the individuals desires to live his/her life the way they see fit.
Wayne, I didn't listen to people...if I wanted to live my life I did so...and yes, I learned some very hard lessons, life altering lessons, but truly believe I wouldn't be where I am today, if it were not for the hardships.
I regret nothing...and more so, welcome whatever comes...maybe someday a man will come along who thinks and feels like I do. I'm not saying I don't want to cook, iron, wash, grocery shop and clean, I'm saying, I don't want to be the one who does it all...and goes no where...b/c he doesn't enjoy travel, or he doesn't want to see that movie, or all he wants to do is sit on the couch and watch sports...
while I also worked a full time job, did the mowing, trimming, washing the cars...
No Way...I want a man/husband/companion, not a baby who needs to be taken care of....my needs are important to. And when I seperated, do you know what was strange...learning how to fulfill my needs. Pursuing my passions and dreams....
I dont think so. So many teens end up pregnant because:
1. They are stupid and think "I can raise this baby by myself".
2. They want to "trap" the guy.
3. They hope to get monetary handouts from either the gov. or the father.
4. They think that "oh my baby would look good because of who the father is".
I dont think it has anything to do with "I need someone to love me".
I agree. One additional thing. Many are worried that if they wait until they get an education and establish themselves, they will no longer be attractive enough and that the guys they crave will be long gone. The latter is usually true, but in a different sort of way than they expect. Sex is necessary to attract these men but its not enough to keep them, especially when one has a baby.
^^I've already done more than enough traveling. I hated it. I just want to settle down in one spot and make a comfortable life for myself. I don't want to keep up with the Joneses, I just want to be comfortable.
"I need to know that you will always be
The same old someone that I knew..."
--"Just the Way You Are", Billy Joel.
I dont think so. So many teens end up pregnant because:
1. They are stupid and think "I can raise this baby by myself".
2. They want to "trap" the guy.
3. They hope to get monetary handouts from either the gov. or the father.
4. They think that "oh my baby would look good because of who the father is".
I dont think it has anything to do with "I need someone to love me".
Oh I think it does. The teen years are definately one of feeling like an outsider, lost, alienated, confused, even if your popular.
Part of it is how our culture has come to...to...sort of idolize children, motherhood, family. Its always been important, but now its a constant media blitz. With everyone and everything promoting how "kids are the best, they are everything, they are all there is" - why wouldn't someone want one?
And as for your comments re teenagers - adults are worse. They should at least know better. Couple of kids with the first spouse, and then another with every spouse there after. How logical is that?
I dont think it has anything to do with "I need someone to love me".
Actually there are messed-up teens who state that as a reason for wanting to have a baby. It's sad...
Quote:
Originally Posted by Waynec613
Telling people they should be joyful because they're alone/lonely is just as dangerous in my opinion as stating they should only be happy when with someone else. To me, you should work on realistic perceptions of why you're not attracting or getting who you desire, while following some of your own interests, improve what is within reason, do new things, don't settle, but this still takes a bit of note that [the right] someone would make your life better than it is.
I dont think so. So many teens end up pregnant because:
1. They are stupid and think "I can raise this baby by myself".
2. They want to "trap" the guy.
3. They hope to get monetary handouts from either the gov. or the father.
4. They think that "oh my baby would look good because of who the father is".
I dont think it has anything to do with "I need someone to love me".
Spoken like someone who has never worked with pregnant teens.
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Think your wrong
