I need someone else to be happy (older, children, call)
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This "I need someone else to be happy" is why so many teens end up pregnant. They want someone to love them. The reality that babies don't love them but have needs, is harsh. (yes babies grow to love their loving mommies but that's another thread)
Adults have this same thought process: I need someone else to be happy. Being in a couple can make you temporarily happy. It lasts as long as the honeymoon period does. When the other person stops making us happy, we're off to the next one.
Unfortunately, relationships have become just as disposable as everything else in our society. Parental relationship are trying to hold on, but considering some of threads on here, those are falling by the wayside as well.
As we all [hopefully] know - nobody else can "MAKE" you happy. Happy is a subjective emotion that one chooses. Anyone who looks to another for happiness is doomed to failure and misery.
That having been said, I very much enjoy being married. But to have a successful relationship you have to do a lot of sacrificing and giving and be willing to put the other person first. Most people these days seem to be unwilling to do this.
To have a child to attempt to fill up some kind of emotional hole is stupid at best and disasterous for the child in question. Thanks to modern morals, however, being an unwed mother is no longer a bad thing. Nobody has any self respect any more.
You better be careful of that, what if the relationship breaks down? I hope you have your own career and financial stability at least. But even then you could end up alone. Do not depend on one person too much, it is bad for the realtionship too.
I have a job...even when I've been homeless, I've had a job. If it breaks down, it can be a bit of a problem, since Direct Deposit seems to take a few weeks to shut down. And I'd have to go into the bank to close out the account. Depending on the severity of it, I guess. Most of the time I've seemed to find respectable people of integrity. It's just a PITA to have to deal with people again.
I never said that wanting a relationship is abnormal, all I'm saying is, there are some of us who socialize at work every day, after work, with friends and family, etc....that is enough for us...I'm alone but not lonely...and for me, being alone is a blast. I've been in relationships since I was 17 years old...I am 60 now and loving my life, blast cannot even describe it. Life for me, is miraculous....
As I've stated countless times now, I don't doubt you're happy. Or that people at stages in their life can wish to not be in a relationship.
An appropriate metaphor is: If you've lived in a box, or rented an apartment all of or most of your life would you not want to have a house of your own, would you not note the desire?
You speak of these other people, and yourself, you've had kids, done x,y,z. Great. But that puts being "single" in a faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar different light.
Gist again part 3 being, people are social beings, the only reasons to note not wanting a romantic relationship are previous damaging experiences, or feeling it's simply not worth the hassle, CESpeed's post is the perfect validation of that "finding mr/mrs wrong over and over".
This doesn't equate to being miserable. But for many it does give melancholy. It's not some fad spurred on by the media.
As I've stated countless times now, I don't doubt you're happy. Or that people at stages in their life can wish to not be in a relationship.
An appropriate metaphor is: If you've lived in a box, or rented an apartment all of or most of your life would you not want to have a house of your own, would you not note the desire?
You speak of these other people, and yourself, you've had kids, done x,y,z. Great. But that puts being "single" in a faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar different light.
Gist again part 3 being, people are social beings, the only reasons to note not wanting a romantic relationship are previous damaging experiences, or feeling it's simply not worth the hassle, CESpeed's post is the perfect validation of that "finding mr/mrs wrong over and over".
This doesn't equate to being miserable. But for many it does give melancholy. It's not some fad spurred on by the media.
yes, people are social beings, you are correct, and some people are more fulfilled by being social with family and friends...CESpeed does not account for all the single folks in the world, she is one individual not the rest of us and it doesn't give melancholy for many of us...some yes, if new out of a breakup...but for most of us, the longer we're alone, the more we enjoy it...it becomes our choice to do so...and statistics show they're are more and more single people by choice...why, b/c they like it.
yes, people are social beings, you are correct, and some people are more fulfilled by being social with family and friends...CESpeed does not account for all the single folks in the world, she is one individual not the rest of us and it doesn't give melancholy for many of us...some yes, if new out of a breakup...but for most of us, the longer we're alone, the more we enjoy it...it becomes our choice to do so...and statistics show they're are more and more single people by choice...why, b/c they like it.
Yes, if "damaged" by past experiences or otherwise do not believe it's worth the effort and simply give up on that aspect. It's nothing more than that. And it's not just for those just newly out of a breakup. They're single and liking it more so because of these reasons.
As I said, it's not a fad, it's a fairly basic instinct. The realities of it tend to shift people's viewpoint of it depending on experiences and personal time-line.
There's a big difference between wanting someone and needing.
Yes, wanting something can tend to be more fickle. "Oh, I don't want that anymore. Sorry."
So by that analogy, someone who feels they "need" a snickers bar at 300lbs and 5'5 should keep on keepin' on, eh? Rather than recognizing the want and keeping it in check.
Love is a developed need from someone you want in the first place. I don't agree with the "You're single and you should be joyous 24/7" feel-good bull, but needing someone without any other reason than to not be alone is just as bad a road.
I never feel that way unfortunately being the only friend in my group single and being 28 and never been in a long realationship i feel like people think i must have something wrong with me especially allot of women they think you need to be in relationships to be normal
I do admit at times as most humans i really want that human effection have a person to care for and a person that cares about me and that closeness i just want it with the right person not just anyone..
I never feel that way unfortunately being the only friend in my group single and being 28 and never been in a long realationship i feel like people think i must have something wrong with me especially allot of women they think you need to be in relationships to be normal
sigh....society deems if your not in a relationship or you don't want to be in one, your abnormal, like our friend Wayne here...they do all these studies and they put labels on it, b/c someone is actually unafraid to be a little different...and actually live they're lives.
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I do admit at times as most humans i really want that human effection have a person to care for and a person that cares about me and that closeness i just want it with the right person not just anyone
the longer I'm alone, the less I think about a relationship...maybe, maybe once in a great while I think about it, for seconds, and then, all of a sudden I think about all the responsiblity that goes with a relationship...I'm not saying relationships are bad...but what I am saying is, I've been there, done that, and really enjoy where I'm at today, this is new to me...I've only been alone the last 15 years of my life...and I'm lovin it more and more.
I believe the root of all the unhappiness in the world lies in the fact that people are trying so desperately hard to figure out how to become what they think the person opposite wants them to be - and almost always getting it wrong - instead of trying to become the person that they themselves want to be. Well I want to see someone who knows what they want, who is able to tell me passionately what that thing is, who will not sacrifice it to anything or anyone, and demands of me nothing less than the same in return. I want to meet more people who see themselves like this, to know them, to simply be in their presence, because I think they are, in both an allegorical and a literal sense, the fuel of the universe - like stars in space, that burn for the sake of burning and for no other, around which all things revolve and without which life itself would not be possible.
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