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So by that analogy, someone who feels they "need" a snickers bar at 300lbs and 5'5 should keep on keepin' on, eh? Rather than recognizing the want and keeping it in check.
Love is a developed need from someone you want in the first place. I don't agree with the "You're single and you should be joyous 24/7" feel-good bull, but needing someone without any other reason than to not be alone is just as bad a road.
So if it's a "want" you should keep it in check? So then, you should agree that you shouldn't simply "want" someone.
I believe the root of all the unhappiness in the world lies in the fact that people are trying so desperately hard to figure out how to become what they think the person opposite wants them to be - and almost always getting it wrong - instead of trying to become the person that they themselves want to be. Well I want to see someone who knows what they want, who is able to tell me passionately what that thing is, who will not sacrifice it to anything or anyone, and demands of me nothing less than the same in return. I want to meet more people who see themselves like this, to know them, to simply be in their presence, because I think they are, in both an allegorical and a literal sense, the fuel of the universe - like stars in space, that burn for the sake of burning and for no other, around which all things revolve and without which life itself would not be possible.
I believe your right, and would like to add...we all grow up with our own versions of what a marriage should be....when we're dating we forget to look at that person as they are, and put them somewhere way up high on a pedistol, think and actually believing they think and feel like we do....but they don't, they can't, as they are they're very own individual with their own ideas of marriage, and whtat they're lives should be...and I do believe once we marry and find out, that person isn't what we thought they were, well, simply put, no one can live up to our versions...and it's no one's fault, we simply didn't take the time to really view who that person was and allow them to be. You cannot change personal cultures...we are who we were taught to be, by parents, family, friends, role models we chose to be like...we adopt their ideas, beliefs, spirtual and political views...and I do so believe if we were cultured as we grew to realize that, and be more aware that no one thinks and feels exactually like we do, we would be able to live our lives a lot easier....I can't live up to your expections and you can't live up to mine....what we can try to do, if find someone who really does closely resemble our personal cultures, hope it's a good fit morally, and allow our mates to be who they are.
yes, people are social beings, you are correct, and some people are more fulfilled by being social with family and friends...CESpeed does not account for all the single folks in the world, she is one individual not the rest of us and it doesn't give melancholy for many of us...some yes, if new out of a breakup...but for most of us, the longer we're alone, the more we enjoy it...it becomes our choice to do so...and statistics show they're are more and more single people by choice...why, b/c they like it.
I don't know how people can need a Love from someone else that they should be receiving from themselves. Self Love....have parents for got to teach this? I didn't realize that the issue was soo wide spread. I have no deep comment. It's just a sad realization.
So if it's a "want" you should keep it in check? So then, you should agree that you shouldn't simply "want" someone.
Again, you're referring to need vs want.
To want someone you're otherwise compatible with, actually being fine otherwise until they're found, why would anyone think that to be unhealthy?
Needing to want someone so you can feel fulfilled is not healthy. I doubt anyone disagrees with this assessment. It's not "keeping in check" as in putting it at bay, but simply recognizing you do have this want, but not letting it be a controlling factor of your overall emotional state.
I don't see how it's that complicated.
I'm perfectly fine alone, that does not mean I'm showing up back home with party-favors in hand. It's disappointing on various levels, but it's a simple recognition of something that could be better, not something that sucks.
Yes, but if you only "want" someone--and it could be someone unattainable--you can just as easily NOT "want" them anymore. That's not healthy, and somewhat disrespectful. It's fickleness at its finest.
Yes, but if you only "want" someone--and it could be someone unattainable--you can just as easily NOT "want" them anymore. That's not healthy, and somewhat disrespectful. It's fickleness at its finest.
Again, I don't see what either you're not communicating properly here or I'm not..
So, to you being not fickle is needing them from the start? Needing someone, aka "love" is developed, not instant. Infatuation can be, but that's not a want, it's a perceived need from things totally superficial, which is what you describe.
Originally Posted by cremebrulee yes, people are social beings, you are correct, and some people are more fulfilled by being social with family and friends...CESpeed does not account for all the single folks in the world, she is one individual not the rest of us and it doesn't give melancholy for many of us...some yes, if new out of a breakup...but for most of us, the longer we're alone, the more we enjoy it...it becomes our choice to do so...and statistics show they're are more and more single people by choice...why, b/c they like it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by CESpeed
Huh??
I'm sorry I've confused you...since the beginning of this thread, Wayne stressed that he felt if people are happy not being in a relationship at all, then there must be something wrong, or they are abnormal, or mentally damages.
He also made a comment in one of his posts...that it must make us melencholy...and I was stating that for me it doesn't and is very much quit the opposite.
I also stated that Wayne from childhood on had been conditioned to believe what he believes, and he stated that he is the least conditioned person...but.
what he fails to realize, that his beliefs, all of them, have been formed and shaped since his very beginning....by his parents, family, friends, teachers, as well as his spiritual beliefs and morals. Any of our beliefs have been adopted by the way we were raised, how much we read, and continue on with our lives as grown adults. We will stray from our parents beliefs and of course, investigate other theroies, in our teens and early 20's. Usually when we marry and start having children our priorities change, then as we grow into our early 50's we see a greater change in the way we think about things. Basically the core of beliefs, we have grown up with is the basis for our way of thinking.
Wayne seems to disagee with all I've been trying to explain to him. His perogative....
When I was young, my priority in life was to be in a relationship (marriage) children, and everything that goes with it.
As we grow older our way of thinking changes, we constantly change Wayne, we continue to evolve until the day we die.
But just b/c a person doesn't do what you think is right, or what society deems to be normal....doesn't make anyone who chooses to be single wrong or adnormal.
I am presently at the Zenith of my life...I've traveled a lot, been married, divorced and remarried, had a child...been in many relationships, not all physical...have met some of the craziest people, wild, and quit interesting, and some of the kindest, compassionate angels who were human beings. I've had the pleasure to be in the company of many wonderful and happily married couples and single people alike. I am thankful for my life, both the good and the bad, and from the bad, have learned some of the most valuable lessons in life....so, you may call it bad experiences which left scars and made me choose my singleness...but I call those bad experiences, not bad, but part of life's path and it is from my choices and those experiences, I have matured and am thankful for all experiences, all aspects of life...I believe in Karma, live my life to the best of my ability, and I'm actually fulfilled and more happy and contented, at peace then ever before.
I am insulted by your comments because you keep trying to insist that people who feel like me, must be abnormal....
What is normal Wayne, what you say is so...what society deems normal...if you look back in history, society has been responsible for the downfall of many great nations...as is happening right now to our country.
I suggest to you with deepest warmth and all due respect, that you do not judge another until you walk in their shoes. Keep your beliefs very close, but open your heart to the feelings of others...otherwise, you will not grow, and we grown Wayne, until the day we die....and you will probably not understand what I speak of until you come to see your 60's.
If I meet someone, fine, I may change my mind, but right now, in this place in time, after experiencing all aspects of relationships, both physical, and mental...(friends) I am very comfortable in my skin, right where I am...and thankful to have been able to know this serenity and peace. I am proud to have reached this place actually, b/c I am for once in my life, dependent on no one to take care of me, or for my happiness...I'm proud to be here...it is a great accomplishment for me.
Creme
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I thought my Lil cousin was just sick
