Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
People cheat ALL the time, especially men. And sometimes an affair is what keeps a relationship going for years and years. Till "death to us part" is a long time to have sex with the same person. People look to an affair to find romance, an emotional connection, or sex that is otherwise absent from their marriage.
To key to a successful affair is discretion.
Therefore, if someone decides to have an affair, they should be very careful whom they share the details with. Telling a friend who knows both of you is not a good idea.
I don't judge my friends for their indiscretions or fidelity. They've never judged me for any of my faults either. I've been friends with these people for most of my life. True friends do not judge one another, turn their backs on one another or cut them out of their lives over something that is none of your business in the first place. But that's just me I guess. You are free to choose your friends in whatever fashion helps you sleep better at night. I imagine your freindships are all that deep to begin with if you can cut them out of your life for something like a fling with their SO.
The friends I have don't have flings on their SO or if they have do not flaunt them. You are correct it IS none of my business and I prefer to keep it that way.
Good friends stick by one another and forgive each other when they make mistakes. But one thing I've noticed both with men and women is that if one person cheats, their friends often excuse them and sometimes even cover for them. I guess I've never understood people who do this. If one of my friends cheated, I don't think I'd ever look at them the same way. I certainly wouldn't be able to respect them and if you can't respect them, why would you stay friends with them? Maybe some of you will say that's too harsh. I don't think so. Who you associate with says a lot about you. One thing I would never do is cover for a friend I know is cheating.
What are your thoughts? Would you cover for a friend who cheated? Would you still be friends with them? How much are you willing to forgive your friends for and what point do you say "this is not the kind of person I feel good calling my friend"?
I stay friends with them. I cover for them as long as I don't have to lie. I find creative ways to give them hell about their sleazy behavior.
Lighten up, seriously. Good people cheat all the time. You don't have to view them as a nasty disgusting person because they made a mistake.
It's a permissive attitude like this that only encourages infidelity. And if they're cheating, they're not good people.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Coolhand68
True friends do not judge one another, turn their backs on one another or cut them out of their lives over something that is none of your business in the first place. But that's just me I guess. You are free to choose your friends in whatever fashion helps you sleep better at night. I imagine your freindships are all that deep to begin with if you can cut them out of your life for something like a fling with their SO.
My friendships are very deep because they're with people who I respect. True friends should be free to judge one another when they make serious mistakes. If my friend beat his wife, are you telling me I shouldn't judge him?
Quote:
Originally Posted by That-Guy
You do realize over 60% of the American population admits to infidelity at least once in their lifetime. I would sure hate to think 160+ million Americans are bad people. Once again, nobody is perfect and move on.
So? Just because everyone is doing it doesn't make it right. If 60% of the population was out committing murder, would that make it more excusable?
So? Just because everyone is doing it doesn't make it right. If 60% of the population was out committing murder, would that make it more excusable?
Muder - Cheating...Murder - Cheating... Hmmmm.
And I never said it makes it more "excusable". I'm simply pointing out how overly self righteous it is to think someone is a bad person because they committed the act of infidelity. It happens. You know why, because people are dumb horny beings with emotional needs. Not because they are bad.
It's a permissive attitude like this that only encourages infidelity. And if they're cheating, they're not good people.
My friendships are very deep because they're with people who I respect. True friends should be free to judge one another when they make serious mistakes. If my friend beat his wife, are you telling me I shouldn't judge him?
So? Just because everyone is doing it doesn't make it right. If 60% of the population was out committing murder, would that make it more excusable?
If they are already a true friend by your definition, then you should already have a good idea of what type of person they are, otherwise they aren't all that close as you thought. If you have a life long friend who you are as close to as family, are you telling me you are going to throw away that friendship because he cheated on his wife or girlfriend? That just seems detached and kind of extreme to me. Of course when I am friends with someone I invest a lot of myself into that friendship. It is for that reason I do not make friends very easily, but when I do, I would not let their personal choices affect our freindship. We all have flaws, weaknesses, and faults. I could not turn my back on a friend of 30 years because he chooses to cheat on his spouse. But again, that's based on my own set of standards. Now if he was abusing children or raping women on the streets that's an entirely different thing for me, and it would take something to that extreme for me to cut ties with someone I call a friend. Otherwise, I don't allow myself to become befuddled by someone else's middle class morality trip.
No. I would do all I could to convince them not to cheat if I knew about it ahead of time, but actually being a party to the cheating... no way. It is the one relationship sin I CANNOT condone no matter what the circumstances.
Quote:
Originally Posted by DennyCrane
Would you still be friends with them?
Of course I would. Friend are there for them, even during the aftermath of such a big error in judgement. I just won't be very sympathetic when their spouse/partner kicks them to the curb.
Quote:
Originally Posted by DennyCrane
How much are you willing to forgive your friends for and what point do you say "this is not the kind of person I feel good calling my friend"?
When it comes to cheating on their spouse/partner, there is nothing for me to "forgive". That is between them and their mate. As for dropping them as a friend for their cheating, I would say that even good people make mistakes and lots of them. Unless that cheating eye wandered toward my own husband, it wouldn't ruin a close friendship. But, as any close friend of mine will tell you, I have no problems telling it like it is, so if they want someone to commiserate with them and pat them on the back, they will go talk to a DIFFERENT friend.
LOL! You sound like a Republican. Remember, Governor Sanford was one of the ones insisting Bill Clinton resign.
It's a horrible thing to eat your own words.
Nice try, but I happen to be a Democrat who thinks Sanford should resign, not for cheating, but for lying to his state and ditching his post without even telling his lt. governor. But I don't vote for a president or governor based on his character. I vote for him or her based on his ideas and ability to get things done.
Quote:
Originally Posted by That-Guy
Muder - Cheating...Murder - Cheating... Hmmmm.
And I never said it makes it more "excusable". I'm simply pointing out how overly self righteous it is to think someone is a bad person because they committed the act of infidelity. It happens. You know why, because people are dumb horny beings with emotional needs. Not because they are bad.
When did I equate murder with cheating? One is clearly a bigger offense than the other. But cheating is hardly a trivial offense and there's nothing overly self-righteous in judging someone for being unfaithful. BTW, I don't need you to explain why people cheat. We all know why they do it. Because they lack morals. If you're not happy, divorce. If you're horny, sleep with your wife or go solo. But don't claim to be dumb and weak.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Coolhand68
If they are already a true friend by your definition, then you should already have a good idea of what type of person they are, otherwise they aren't all that close as you thought. If you have a life long friend who you are as close to as family, are you telling me you are going to throw away that friendship because he cheated on his wife or girlfriend? That just seems detached and kind of extreme to me. Of course when I am friends with someone I invest a lot of myself into that friendship. It is for that reason I do not make friends very easily, but when I do, I would not let their personal choices affect our freindship. We all have flaws, weaknesses, and faults. I could not turn my back on a friend of 30 years because he chooses to cheat on his spouse. But again, that's based on my own set of standards. Now if he was abusing children or raping women on the streets that's an entirely different thing for me, and it would take something to that extreme for me to cut ties with someone I call a friend. Otherwise, I don't allow myself to become befuddled by someone else's middle class morality trip.
This is a lame argument. No matter how close I am to my friends, there are things about them I will never know. For example, I might never know that one of my friends has a weird fetish or is a closet fan of Grey's Anatomy. But people who are good friends should know enough about each other's character. I have a friend who's a lawyer. I don't know what he does at his job, but I know enough to know he's not the type of person who would break the law to win a case. You make the point that you only turn your back on a friend if they do something extreme. Well, IMO, cheating on your SO is extreme. When you make the decision to cheat, you're making the decision to hurt another person. And I'd have a hard time being friends with someone who would deliberately hurt another person in such a despicable way.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
