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Oh well, LOVE one word with lots of ways to show. And in your case you showed love through jealousy. Its but normal though you did too much which made it wrong. I think the best advice you can have is what happened to your previous relationship. Evaluate yourself where or what point did you made jealousy at the wrong side of your relationship.
Keep the Fate and when ya find someone to love again, now you know how to keep her for long..remember jealousy is a good way to show your partner that you love her.. BUT over jealousy will turn down your partner. Just put yourself on her shoe what would you feel?
The difficult-thing a man can be is being SENSITIVE bout their partners feelings..
I know you learned a lot from your previous relationship.. but history repeats itself if you do the same mistake.. right?
good luck! i wish you will find love for the second time around
This is a good reason to move on after the first time someone cheats on you.
In a marriage with children, that might sometimes be easier said than done because there are other issues and people and the interests of the children may factor in. In your case, you should have moved at the very start when she informed you she had sex with the other guy.
She cheated on you but kept you on a string for 8 years, she gets engaged and then immediately walks out. She plays jealousy games with you but you also did allow her to do so.
You don't have to see your relationship with her as a total waste of time - most people are to young to commit and marry at age 20 anyhow so see it as lessons learned. But you have to look at your ownself and find out why you stuck around for that length of time in a relationship that was this hurtful.
Maybe there are issues in your own life, your own upbringing but if you don't deal with them now, unfortunately you could get into a very sad pattern of relationships.
All very good thoughts. The force is strong with this one
looks like you're beginning to take care of yourself. your relationship with her does not seem to be a healthy one. look after yourself, read, be introspective, engage in physical activities, get a job. then after some time has passed, look for another relationship.
In HER shoes, he would probably feel like a sociopath - nothing at all. She was a user.
Maybe. But what if all along, he's loved her more than she loved him? He wanted to be her first lover, but she didn't care. Then I think all along, with her behaviour, she gave him hints that she while she liked him, she wasn't madly in love with him. However, he kept pushing his love agenda on her and she went along with it as long as she could. Also, since they'd been dating since she was only 18 and she didn't have any prior dating experience, I think that it was natural that she ended up growing away from him after 8 years.
Also, he said that he met her when she was entering college and had just moved away from her hometown. It almost sounds like the O.P. didn't go to the same college as she did, and maybe he didn't bother going to college at all... which impacted on him now having low self esteem about being out of work for a while. And if he was working full time while she was in college, he probably spoiled her by paying for everything on their dates. At that point in time, she looked up to him and his adult life experiences. Then she graduated from college, and perhaps now she has a better job than he ever could. But maybe the O.P. could clarify on his educational level and what they now both do for work.
Maybe. But what if all along, he's loved her more than she loved him? He wanted to be her first lover, but she didn't care. Then I think all along, with her behaviour, she gave him hints that she while she liked him, she wasn't madly in love with him. However, he kept pushing his love agenda on her and she went along with it as long as she could. Also, since they'd been dating since she was only 18 and she didn't have any prior dating experience, I think that it was natural that she ended up growing away from him after 8 years.
Also, he said that he met her when she was entering college and had just moved away from her hometown. It almost sounds like the O.P. didn't go to the same college as she did, and maybe he didn't bother going to college at all... which impacted on him now having low self esteem about being out of work for a while. And if he was working full time while she was in college, he probably spoiled her by paying for everything on their dates. At that point in time, she looked up to him and his adult life experiences. Then she graduated from college, and perhaps now she has a better job than he ever could. But maybe the O.P. could clarify on his educational level and what they now both do for work.
Pushing a love agenda? What sane person at any age thinks of another as some kind of "well, ok, this one will work for Sunday best, but the rest of the week.." or gives into someone else liking them when they don't reciprocate the feeling or otherwise intend to put that in actions?
These are things to me that should be a given, not something you learn from dating experience. Doubtful after any experiences she would be the wiser in this regard.
As to the age, possibly, but I don't think the gap was much. In so much as the OP has explained it, it's usage as the backup guitarist at a concert, good in a pinch, but if it's not what she really wanted it could have been plainly stated and moved on at the start.
Not that staying after said first incident doesn't describe some issues with the OP to start, but giving her cop-out excuses doesn't cut it either IMO.
I just think that the O.P. was too into the fact that she was a virgin when they met. He wanted to be her first love and lover, but that didn't happen. And 8=1/2 years later, he's still upset that he wasn't her first lover. And with those thoughts, I feel that emotionally, he always approached their relationship as if marriage was going to be the end goal.
Maybe in the last 8-1/2 years, his ex was the only girl he had a crush on that was also a virgin. And that's why I also told him to stop placing such an importance on a woman's virginity as being some special once in a lifetime gift because it's not.
That stupid suicide terrorist reward system of getting to heaven and having 40 virgins to enjoy is such utter nonsense. As a woman, I find that concept so insulting. Men! Grrr...
I just think that the O.P. was too into the fact that she was a virgin when they met. He wanted to be her first love and lover, but that didn't happen. And 8=1/2 years later, he's still upset that he wasn't her first lover. And with those thoughts, I feel that emotionally, he always approached their relationship as if marriage was going to be the end goal.
Maybe in the last 8-1/2 years, his ex was the only girl he had a crush on that was also a virgin. And that's why I also told him to stop placing such an importance on a woman's virginity as being some special once in a lifetime gift because it's not.
That stupid suicide terrorist reward system of getting to heaven and having 40 virgins to enjoy is such utter nonsense. As a woman, I find that concept so insulting. Men! Grrr...
Sorry, you can put that excuse in there with the male bashing, but it doesn't track, it's a deflection.
Flip this a second. She's pining for him, he says he's interested, states his sexual inexperience, then proceeds to bang some random other girl for his first time when saying to like/wish to be with you. You wouldn't be pissed? That's got nothing to do with the past, everything to do with respect and the present (at the time). If she'd done that prior to being intimate with him, who would have cared?
Sorry, you can put that excuse in there with the male bashing, but it doesn't track, it's a deflection.
Flip this a second. She's pining for him, he says he's interested, states his sexual inexperience, then proceeds to bang some random other girl for his first time when saying to like/wish to be with you. You wouldn't be pissed? That's got nothing to do with the past, everything to do with respect and the present (at the time). If she'd done that prior to being intimate with him, who would have cared?
Agreed - it's more about the fact that she cheated on him, than the fact she wasn't a virgin.
Her being a virgin at the time, however, would make it feel like even MORE of a betrayal. Not only did she share something intimate with someone other than the man she was with, she shared it in a way that she will remember forever.
Can you imagine being that guy? Essentially being told, "Not only are you not important enough to me that I wouldn't cheat on you, but I am actively keeping you out of my bank of fondly remembered personal milestones."
Awww, Martian, please don't think I'm blaming you (e.g., flip flopping between responsibility and blaming her). I just want you to keep an eye on *you* and think a bit less about *her*. Just work on you. Counseling is great. I've done it. I enjoy it. I think everyone should do it. It's lifting weights for the emotions.
I'm so sorry you're going through this. I think you've gotten some good words on here.
Ultimately... where is your puzzle?
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you need to leave champ
