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Old 06-19-2010, 03:58 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by betamanlet View Post
So what about being female makes this pretty much only a female thing?


Fibromyalgia is very much a psycho-somatic illness in that one's physical symptoms are related to the emotional state of the person. I have a friend with this problem and she was put on Prozac for it, even though it is a physical condition as well as a psychological one.

A lot of the patients are women because women are more emotional, so this is where it starts.

My sister once dated a guy with chronic fatigue, to answer your other question. There are a lot of men with health issues that attract caring, nurturing women.
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Old 07-02-2010, 06:15 AM
 
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I have had fibromyalgia for about 25 years now. It is not simply "in your head". It is very real with real symptoms. It does SEEM that often docs will tell someone they have it as a "catch-all" diagnosis, but ,honestly, based on my experience I don't think that is true.
I was diagnosed by a rheumatolgist. Back then they were about the only doctor who were aware of the disease (actually a syndrome) and most doctors dismissed it as the imaginary illness of hysterical female hypochondriacs. Some still think along those lines.( As an aside, I have to say that had it been more of a MAN's illness, I think it would have been interpreted differently and given more attention). Medical studies in our country have historically been based on a man's reaction to illness. It wasn't until fairly recently that it became well known that women's heart attack symptoms are very different than men's. I am not trying in any way to bash men; it's just an opinion, but one that is shared by quite a few others.

This must be a very interesting woman! To still be interested in her after her responses indicates that to me. As to the truth in her replies---how can any of us really say? Perhaps ----to her---it was just too much effort to have to be charming and concillatory and return your phonecalls or texts. That doesn't mean she didn't want to, or that she isn't interested in you, but only that she just didn't feel like it. And yes, it is possible to feel so exhausted and over-whelmed that doing a simple thing like returning a call can be beyond you. It has for me. There have been times I just couldn't summon the "spark" needed to talk to someone, even a friend, let alone a semi-stranger you'd like to impress.

Yes, depression is a major part of this illness. Another poster was very thoughtful when suggesting it can be difficult to determine which comes first----chronic illness or depression. If I were riddled with cancer, in pain, exhausted, confused, and finding it difficult to function, most people would accept that as an appropriate response to a horrible illness. But I have an illness that can't be seen. At times I don't appear sick at all. Yet there are times I experience all of the above, yet people question why I don't hop up andjust get on with my life. Depression alone can be incapacitating. You CANNOT will yourself to "snap out of it" when you have major depressive disorder. Believe me, I wish I could! I absolutely HATE feeling the way I do. And I've tried in many ways to get help. Most of the time I can manage to do pretty well despite the depression. But without warning I can feel myself sinking back into the abyss, and it's an awful feeling. Add to that deep pain, stiffness, brain fog, I.B., headaches, severe and extreme reactions to weather and overwhelming fatigue ( I often sleep 12 to 15 hrs) and life can be a little tough some days. But on the whole, I remain productive, cheerful, funny, and reasonably attractive. When people question the veracity of this illness I sometimes wish they had to cope with it for a couple months and then see what they have to say!!! Yet, I can readily understand how perplexing it can seem to the non-sufferer.

It's not easy to live with anyone with a chronic, de-abilitating disease. It really isn't. Yet remember, please, that it's even more difficult to be the one afflicted with it. Especially when so many people question whether you're really sick, or faking it because you're lazy, or some other nonsense. I am an extremely hard working person. I do not choose to be this way. And I do fight it.

Sorry this is so long, but really wanted to try to help you understand a little. My advice to you would be to try to find someone else. Or perhaps try one last time to really talk frankly about her fibromyalgia and what you can expect. No one likes to disappoint someone they care about. I'm sure she doesn't like having to cancel events. I know I don't, yet sometimes I have to. Friends that care understand this and accept it. No one likes it, least of all me. But that is the way it is, in my case, and it sounds like in your friend's case, too. I can feel wonderful and energetic one day, and absolutely wiped out the next. I can sincerely plan to do something, then the weather changes that afternoon, and by evening I am in so much pain it isn't worth it to try to go anywhere, even when I badly want to.

Unless you're prepared to be more understanding and supportive, I really think a relationship won't work between the 2 of you. She has about all she can handle and probably just feels unable to try very hard----has probably been hurt more than once over this issue. Please understand that I'm not criticizing you at all. Just trying to tell it like it is.

BTW, I had to leave 2 very good jobs because of the fibro and can no longer work full time. Everyone is different, and everyone can only handle what they can, so please don't judge me as not trying hard enough or as "giving in". That simply is not the case and never has been. Thanks, and good luck to you.

Last edited by artangel; 07-02-2010 at 06:25 AM.. Reason: spelling, punctuation, clarity
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Old 07-02-2010, 01:48 PM
 
Location: Nashville, Tn
7,915 posts, read 18,597,697 times
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My sister has had this illness for many years and I can only agree with the others who have posted statements that describe how serious it can really be. The disease is very real and there is no cure at the present time. It often leaves the person continually exhausted and in chronic pain. Of course it's going to cause some emotional and personal problems which would be expected of anyone who suffers from it. My family members understand what my sister is going through and realize she needs plenty of rest. Anyone who is dating a person with this illness just needs to be understanding and supportive if they really care for them.
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Old 07-02-2010, 02:18 PM
 
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
9,516 posts, read 19,976,957 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by aqua0 View Post
Fibromyalgia is very much a psycho-somatic illness in that one's physical symptoms are related to the emotional state of the person. I have a friend with this problem and she was put on Prozac for it, even though it is a physical condition as well as a psychological one.

A lot of the patients are women because women are more emotional, so this is where it starts.

My sister once dated a guy with chronic fatigue, to answer your other question. There are a lot of men with health issues that attract caring, nurturing women.
Just because one person--your friend in this case--is taking prozac for it doesn't mean this is true or true for everyone who has fibro.

Myself, I can go weeks, sometimes months without a flare. Then it will hit me out of the blue, sometimes within minutes and I'm down. If I take something for pain, I'm good again most of the time. But during these episodes, my ANA (anti-nuclear antibodies) will be positive (it has been negative), sed-rate rises, serositis is present...it's definitely physical. If I ever get in an emotional state it's AFTER the symptoms knock me down, not before. I know docs--the ones who don't know enough about it--like to blame it on the frame of mind but it's actually the other way around for most fibro patients I've met.
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Old 07-02-2010, 04:08 PM
 
Location: Nashville, Tn
7,915 posts, read 18,597,697 times
Reputation: 5524
What I've seen on this thread is a great deal of ignorance from those people who know nothing about this illness as well as some common sense advice from people who either have it themselves or are familiar with someone close to them who has it. When medical research or science are unable to understand a particular disease or illness or to provide a cure it's very common for people who have no medical or scientific background to start yapping about a subject that they are completely ignorant of and to try to blame it on the person who is suffering from it and often times to suggest that they're causing their own problems due to some obscure psychological but unexplainable reason. I find this to be extremely irritating because it attempts to raise the level of an uneducated person on a particular topic to be equal to that of professionals in the medical field who have studied every aspect of a medical condition but are still unable to cure it.
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Old 07-02-2010, 06:00 PM
 
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
9,516 posts, read 19,976,957 times
Reputation: 9417
Quote:
Originally Posted by MontanaGuy View Post
What I've seen on this thread is a great deal of ignorance from those people who know nothing about this illness as well as some common sense advice from people who either have it themselves or are familiar with someone close to them who has it. When medical research or science are unable to understand a particular disease or illness or to provide a cure it's very common for people who have no medical or scientific background to start yapping about a subject that they are completely ignorant of and to try to blame it on the person who is suffering from it and often times to suggest that they're causing their own problems due to some obscure psychological but unexplainable reason. I find this to be extremely irritating because it attempts to raise the level of an uneducated person on a particular topic to be equal to that of professionals in the medical field who have studied every aspect of a medical condition but are still unable to cure it.
I'm glad you posted this. I find it to be true even among medical professionals--the bolded. One of my first docs literally laughed at me and he really had to restrain himself from telling me there's nothing wrong. LOL
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