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I currently live in Maryland, I'm young (23) and I work for a great company, (ADVO they have branches all over the US) and I've been pulled from my branch on a corporate project for the last 4 months due to my Technical skills and knowlege of our systems. During this project I've had time to meet will alot of our associate's throughout the US. Well the Technical skill set in our West Coast Branches is lacking force. So I've been offered a job to move out to CA Los Angeles. The job would be a jump in pay, and postion, while providing a great oppertunity to move even further in the company.
And there in lies my dilemma. I've been in a relationship for 1yr, and we are serious about it. When I frist told her about the move she was excited, but now she says she wont move with me. And expects me not to leave becuase of our relationship. I am very torn. To move out to CA would be a dream, just to live there, and to have a better job with more oppertunity. How offten do you get chances like this. And now I feel like crap because I want this so bad, but if I do move its killing our relationship. What should I do, try to push her to move, not move and stay with her, or move and break up with her, or move and leave it up to her on what she wants to do?
Very torn, would like suggestions, or tips on how to deal with this.
Thank you
Last edited by Locke_Seven; 04-18-2007 at 01:01 AM..
If the job opportunity is larger than your future with her, make the move.
if this is the woman with whom you want to spend the rest of your life, you're crazy to move and you should live on the north pole if that's what it took to make her happy.
And remember, while it may be a work advancement, you won't be richer...you may come out to CA and make 50% more money, but to afford a nice place you may need to double your salary or more....but without me bashing CA, point is, it's a mixed bag to go there, and even more dicey if you're going to break it off with the right life mate.....
I do enjoy your quote Sage of Sagle. I believe if someone would have posted this during your youthful days of the Hippie Era, you probably would have been offended. I don't take it offensive being a young youth, even though most would unfortunately be angry, even though it's very important for them to hear. Many older folks when explaining their view of the youth going down the toilet, don't realize they are doing more harm than good. But, the older people who build others up with their words and encouragement, are the ones who bring life to the youth.
esp before you get married or something. I personally do not mind moving around with my husband while he gets promotions and advances in life, I love to see the country and its alot of fun. However, I am also a stay at home mom who does not have to worry bout getting another job and my career, but I believe in putting my needs ahead of my sig other and that my children need a mom more than we need extra money. I would talk to her now, see where this is going here, maybe she might change her mind, maybe this is not as long term here as you think too, she should make concesssions too as well, I hope so for your sake, communicate! And good luck to you!
You should make the move with or without her. There are a zillion people out there. Sure, you may be sad and hurt for a little while, but you'll get over it and you'll meet someone else. You are still very young and you should think about your career first. There will always be time for relationships after you get yourself settled. If you stayed in Maryland with her and did not further your career, you will resent this lady at some point down the road because she held you back. If she truly loved you she would be all for your career advancement! Good luck in whatever you decide to do!
Unless you have alot of money...don't move to Callie, and personally with all their immigration/crime problems over there, I won't go if it were me, but that is for you to deceide here, maybe hop on over the Callie board and talk to some locals over there, might help shed some light on the conditions there.
I'm from California!!! It all depends on where you live. CA isn't perfect - no place is. Every state has their own set of unique problems. CA is no different. A lot of people bash CA for various reasons, but you will never know whether CA is right for you unless you give it a chance. I am all for one advancing in their career before settling into a long term relationship. I will say from my own experience that when I met my husband we were both settled into our careers. Had one or both of us not been established, our relationship may not have worked for us. Also, in the line of work we are in, CA to us is "the goose that laid the golden egg". CA was the best place for both of us to advance in our careers.
BTW, CA isn't the only state with immigration problems. Have you checked out Texas and Arizona???
Your relationship is still "his and hers" not "ours". Great on do-not-dare-to-use towels nowhere else if you plan to spend the rest of your life together.
You are at a crossroads in your career. Will your employer give you a second chance? Is this the direction you really want to go?
My response would be much the same. But to move to CA from MD is a quantum leap in expenses - major. But you are young and not tied down - I would move - it'll will be great experience.
If your lady love really does love you and this is the one, she can visit or move with you. But to say she will definitly not move is one of several things 1) she is testing you 2) she needs to have things her way 3) maybe the relationship isn't as important to her after all. (BTW - I am woman).
I think everyone has given terrific advice so far, especially Sage of Sagle. Personally, I would probably go for it, after many long conversations about my reasons for doing so, with my girlfriend. I have to ask though, why the sudden change of heart on the girlfriend's part? Why was she all gung-ho initially and has since concretely decided against moving? Has she given any sort of explanation?
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Think about it and have a talk with her now...
