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You used a condom.
So you basically took care of prevention as far as you could have.
Either the condom was faulty or she kept the semen.(which can be done BTW).
Did you not think to flush them down the toilet when finished... but all that is hindsight.
Like another poster sai, see if the girl you want to marry is willing to adopt the child.
Try your best to get custody. Fight for your kid.
Because from how you describe her acting, she is going to probably use the child against you.
Maybe to even break up you and the woman you love.
i think your good guy and you need to continue to follow your heart and stay with the woman you love!! someone should tell that other chick that dont no baby hold a man, it's her fault for waiting so long to tell you and if you wasnt going to get serious with that other girl you might not have ever known, i think she's jealous because she might of ahd feeling for you a long time ago but she waited to late to say something... maybe the kid will be better off with you and your girl that way it can have two loving parents and not one phyco mom...lol and as for your family?? i wouldnt sweat it because if they just want to listen to one side of the story then thats them all that matters is your happy because its your life and only you can live it!!!
^^^ These two above posts about getting your girlfriend custody of the baby is pretty outlandsish and would require the consent of the biological mother In rare cases of domestic abuse or the parent is deemed 'unfit' to raise a child does this every occur.
Also, something else that has been nagging at me since this thread started. Here is a slice of the OP's first post:
"I had a best friend female 31 years old whom was a great friend of mine. I told her everything she knew all this. I am not sure why I did it but I knew she liked me but I had no feelings for her in that way, she was there emotionally for me when I broke up and we slept together twice with a condom."
You knew before you slept with her SHE had feelings for you. I'd say someone invited this drama into their house because he already knew she had feelings for him and was just turning a blind eye towards it.
^^^ These two above posts about getting your girlfriend custody of the baby is pretty outlandsish and would require the consent of the biological mother In rare cases of domestic abuse or the parent is deemed 'unfit' to raise a child does this every occur.
lol pisses me off just reading it. Yeah give the 26 year old girlfriend custody.
First off..she did not trap you. You had sex with her...you used a condom. Don't blame that on her. It's not far to the mother of your child and is extremely immature. Accept your responsibilities in the situation. I feel extremely saddened for this new baby who is going to be born into this drama that he/she did not cause. YOU TWO caused this.
Second, Do not marry her just bc you share a child. That will only harm the child more since it would almost eventually end in divorce bc you would marry for the wrong reason.
Third, 3 hours is nothing. While I wouldn't assume you could see this child every day I would expect every weekend in the beginning at least so your child and you may bond and get to know each other. THis is a very important time and could impact the rest of your whole relationship together. I would make sure you received legal joint custody or visitation and you two just didn't "agree" as she sounds like once she gets mad at you she would use your child against you in the future. Stop the chance before it even starts.
Fourth, Give her a break. I know you don't want to but she is beyond scared right now. Scared, nervous and and terrified of having to do it on her own. My gut tells me she doesn't really want to marry you either but heard of your move and is trying to hold onto you anyway she knows how so she isn't stranded to do it onher own. She'll eventually meet someone else, get over it and deal with her new life. I hope after this that the friendship you both had will come back as a friendship between you tow could make a good impact on your child's life
Fifth, If you cannot respect each other and be adults (this means her as well - you can only change your own behavior and how you respond to others' behavior) I would suggest a mediator. This person goes between youtwo and you never have to discuss or even see each other ever again if it gets to that.
The OP's situation and others like it is why I am glad I never had kids, and which is why when I did have the scare at 20 inside my very short and bitter marriage it turned out to be not mine.
I immediately got sterilized afterwards.
i am a great uncle and can probably entertain anyone's kids, but raising them, too much sacrifice for me.
^^^ These two above posts about getting your girlfriend custody of the baby is pretty outlandsish and would require the consent of the biological mother In rare cases of domestic abuse or the parent is deemed 'unfit' to raise a child does this every occur.
Also, something else that has been nagging at me since this thread started. Here is a slice of the OP's first post:
"I had a best friend female 31 years old whom was a great friend of mine. I told her everything she knew all this. I am not sure why I did it but I knew she liked me but I had no feelings for her in that way, she was there emotionally for me when I broke up and we slept together twice with a condom."
You knew before you slept with her SHE had feelings for you. I'd say someone invited this drama into their house because he already knew she had feelings for him and was just turning a blind eye towards it.
Custody should not automatically go to one parent over the other. Let him get custody if he's going to be the main financial support of the child if he wants it and the girlfriend wants it. That way the biological mom can pay support and have visitation but otherwise stay out of their lives.
If there was less gender discrimination in child custody cases, you wouldn't see so much of this "trapping" someone an probably much few out-of-wedlock births.
Custody should not automatically go to one parent over the other. Let him get custody if he's going to be the main financial support of the child if he wants it and the girlfriend wants it. That way the biological mom can pay support and have visitation but otherwise stay out of their lives.
If there was less gender discrimination in child custody cases, you wouldn't see so much of this "trapping" someone an probably much few out-of-wedlock births.
I don't disagree with you, let the FATHER seek full custoday. It's the aspect of having his girlfriend (who is not his wife) adopt the child that I take issue with. First, this woman does want a relationship with her child so to even suggest a 'girlfriend' get custoday of this child is ludicris and ill-advised.
I am a 30 year old male. I was in a long term relationship for 5 years and broke up because we both decided we did not want to be together and I wanted to settle down get married and have a family with the right woman. I had a best friend female 31 years old whom was a great friend of mine. I told her everything she knew all this. I am not sure why I did it but I knew she liked me but I had no feelings for her in that way, she was there emotionally for me when I broke up and we slept together twice with a condom. I realized it was wrong for friends to sleep together and I told her we should remain friends. She agreed. 2 Months had past and I had not seen her since then we just communicated on the phone or email and grew apart. During this 2 months I became friends with another woman 26 years old whom from the beginning I knew she was the one for me. We started dating as a couple 1 month later. I informed my best friend and on several times invited her to come meet my girlfriend but she kepy making excuses. My new partner and I have become so close I feel she my soulmate and my family knew I want to propose to her. I get along well with her immediate family too. Then I told my best friend that I am going to propose soon and she came to my house a week later 8 1/2 months pregnant. I was shocked beyond belief and she said the baby was mine. I asked her why she never informed me all these months. And she said she was scared. Yet we were so close and I am not the type to abandon a child. I felt betrayed & hurt, because I love someone else. She started demanding that I have to look after her and the baby and I told her to go back home and after Paternity Test we will look at the way foward. She refused and made such a fuss for days finally she gave me consent and the test result is that I am the father. Anyway behind my back she went to my family and told them I left her hanging and to give birth alone when it was my kid. Yet She only told me 2 weeks before she gave birth. She started sending me abusive texts telling me to leave my girlfriend and marry her she does not want to be a single mum. I informed her I do not love her and I will support the baby the best way possible.
She then ran back to my family and caused me nothing but stress. They want me to marry the woman with the kid because they said that's teh responsible thing to do. But i dont love her and never did I never even dated her. She did this on purpose to trap me for no odd reason. I told my family I will not marry her and I will be responsible father and buy whatever the child wants and visitation. and I told her to stop texting me everyday with irrelevant issues about her personal life only when it's to do with the baby. she expects me to see the baby everyday. when I'll be moving 3 hours away which i planned ages ago with my new partner. My new partner was upset for a few days but she is such a sweetheart and asked me what I wanted and I told her I still want to be with her. She has accepted there is a baby and wants to be a part of the baby's life too. This other woman cannot get the picture that I dont want her and yet I want to be a great dad. She can't leave me alone and said if I stop being friends with her 'I will see'! What am I to do?
You had sex. She got pregnant. I'd say this is your fault. You could have avoided it by not having sex. Sorry but no birth control method is 100%. You should know that. If you didn't, you know it now.
You are where you are because YOU chose to take the risk. You have no one to blame but yourself. Now live up to your responsibilities. You made your bed, now lie in it.
You should NOT marry her but you owe the child (was it a boy or a girl? You just refer to it as the kid which I find really sad) support and a father in his/her life. Go to court, set up child support payments, set up joint custody and a visitation schedule and get on with your life.
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^^^ These two above posts about getting your girlfriend custody of the baby is pretty outlandsish and would require the consent of the biological mother
