Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I am a 30 year old male. I was in a long term relationship for 5 years and broke up because we both decided we did not want to be together and I wanted to settle down get married and have a family with the right woman. I had a best friend female 31 years old whom was a great friend of mine. I told her everything she knew all this. I am not sure why I did it but I knew she liked me but I had no feelings for her in that way, she was there emotionally for me when I broke up and we slept together twice with a condom. I realized it was wrong for friends to sleep together and I told her we should remain friends. She agreed. 2 Months had past and I had not seen her since then we just communicated on the phone or email and grew apart. During this 2 months I became friends with another woman 26 years old whom from the beginning I knew she was the one for me. We started dating as a couple 1 month later. I informed my best friend and on several times invited her to come meet my girlfriend but she kepy making excuses. My new partner and I have become so close I feel she my soulmate and my family knew I want to propose to her. I get along well with her immediate family too. Then I told my best friend that I am going to propose soon and she came to my house a week later 8 1/2 months pregnant. I was shocked beyond belief and she said the baby was mine. I asked her why she never informed me all these months. And she said she was scared. Yet we were so close and I am not the type to abandon a child. I felt betrayed & hurt, because I love someone else. She started demanding that I have to look after her and the baby and I told her to go back home and after Paternity Test we will look at the way foward. She refused and made such a fuss for days finally she gave me consent and the test result is that I am the father. Anyway behind my back she went to my family and told them I left her hanging and to give birth alone when it was my kid. Yet She only told me 2 weeks before she gave birth. She started sending me abusive texts telling me to leave my girlfriend and marry her she does not want to be a single mum. I informed her I do not love her and I will support the baby the best way possible.
She then ran back to my family and caused me nothing but stress. They want me to marry the woman with the kid because they said that's teh responsible thing to do. But i dont love her and never did I never even dated her. She did this on purpose to trap me for no odd reason. I told my family I will not marry her and I will be responsible father and buy whatever the child wants and visitation. and I told her to stop texting me everyday with irrelevant issues about her personal life only when it's to do with the baby. she expects me to see the baby everyday. when I'll be moving 3 hours away which i planned ages ago with my new partner. My new partner was upset for a few days but she is such a sweetheart and asked me what I wanted and I told her I still want to be with her. She has accepted there is a baby and wants to be a part of the baby's life too. This other woman cannot get the picture that I dont want her and yet I want to be a great dad. She can't leave me alone and said if I stop being friends with her 'I will see'! What am I to do?
I am a 30 year old male. I was in a long term relationship for 5 years and broke up because we both decided we did not want to be together and I wanted to settle down get married and have a family with the right woman. I had a best friend female 31 years old whom was a great friend of mine. I told her everything she knew all this. I am not sure why I did it but I knew she liked me but I had no feelings for her in that way, she was there emotionally for me when I broke up and we slept together twice with a condom. I realized it was wrong for friends to sleep together and I told her we should remain friends. She agreed. 2 Months had past and I had not seen her since then we just communicated on the phone or email and grew apart. During this 2 months I became friends with another woman 26 years old whom from the beginning I knew she was the one for me. We started dating as a couple 1 month later. I informed my best friend and on several times invited her to come meet my girlfriend but she kepy making excuses. My new partner and I have become so close I feel she my soulmate and my family knew I want to propose to her. I get along well with her immediate family too. Then I told my best friend that I am going to propose soon and she came to my house a week later 8 1/2 months pregnant. I was shocked beyond belief and she said the baby was mine. I asked her why she never informed me all these months. And she said she was scared. Yet we were so close and I am not the type to abandon a child. I felt betrayed & hurt, because I love someone else. She started demanding that I have to look after her and the baby and I told her to go back home and after Paternity Test we will look at the way foward. She refused and made such a fuss for days finally she gave me consent and the test result is that I am the father. Anyway behind my back she went to my family and told them I left her hanging and to give birth alone when it was my kid. Yet She only told me 2 weeks before she gave birth. She started sending me abusive texts telling me to leave my girlfriend and marry her she does not want to be a single mum. I informed her I do not love her and I will support the baby the best way possible.
She then ran back to my family and caused me nothing but stress. They want me to marry the woman with the kid because they said that's teh responsible thing to do. But i dont love her and never did I never even dated her. She did this on purpose to trap me for no odd reason. I told my family I will not marry her and I will be responsible father and buy whatever the child wants and visitation. and I told her to stop texting me everyday with irrelevant issues about her personal life only when it's to do with the baby. she expects me to see the baby everyday. when I'll be moving 3 hours away which i planned ages ago with my new partner. My new partner was upset for a few days but she is such a sweetheart and asked me what I wanted and I told her I still want to be with her. She has accepted there is a baby and wants to be a part of the baby's life too. This other woman cannot get the picture that I dont want her and yet I want to be a great dad. She can't leave me alone and said if I stop being friends with her 'I will see'! What am I to do?
Whew!
Your partner is accepting the situation most positively; I'm sure you explained the no "emotional, just friends" thing and she probably thought this friend nailed you good. ok.
It seems to me, if she was a real friend, she would have come to you upon finding out her pregnancy, you both would have had your say in how you wanted to handle the situation but ultimately it would be her decision. With the paternity test showing you to be dad, you just got signed up without permission for 18 years of support. If condoms were used, she shouldn't have had ANY issues about coming to you immediately once the pregnancy was confirmed.
You have no responsibility whatsoever to marry her; your only responsibilities rest with your current partner and your baby.
Go see a lawyer to determine the exact monetary responsibility.
Exactly what LWaF said. Your responsiblity lies with the child only. I agree that moving away would be a good thing, in this case. Ignore your family...they are not thinking clearly. Sounds like you got mixed up with a psycho!!
You need to get a lawyer, ASAP. Because of the paternity test you will be legally obligated to pay child support, but that does not give you visitation. You need to go before a judge and get your visitation rights. Then there is no need to worry about making her happy so you can see your child.
I know a man that had to do this because the pyscho wouldn't let him see his kids unless he broke up with is girlfriend. After getting the court ordered visitation, she wouldn't let him take the kids on his court ordered weekend. He called the police, showed them his court order, and the cops told the lady if the kids weren't packed and ready in 10 minutes they would arrest her for violating the court order. This happened more than once, and then he sued her for custody because she was not looking out for the childrens best interest by trying to prevent and undermind the father child relationship - and he won!
MEN - you should always get your visitation ordered by a court!
First of all, grow up and take responsibility for your actions. You created this situation by sleeping with her and now it time for you to "man-up" to do what is best for your child. Its more than writing a monthly child-care check, BTW. It also means that you stop blaming the mother for "trapping you" by getting pregnant. If you recall, YOU were the one wearing the condom. It wasn't like she intentionally lied to you saying she was on the pill when she wasn't, just so she'd become pregnant....THAT would be trapping you. What happened here is you rolled the dice that the condom would work and you lost. That sucks, but that is in the past now.
Second, stop bi*ching and moaning that she is pestering you and your family by calling/texting. Try to keep in mind that if you think you are inconvenienced by this situation...its a million times worse for her! Newsflash: Raising a child is hard and almost always inconvenient. She is probably scared and overwhelmed and is looking to maintain a relationship with you as a source of stability in her life. Although it will ultimately not work, this is where she is right now. I'm not saying you have to marry her....but like it or not, you are going to have to have SOME sort of relationship with her, for the sake of your child.
Life sucks sometimes, but how we deal with it shows our true character. Do the best you can with what you have.
If you both used a condom, she did not trap you. If you didn't, then you both took the risk. Either way, you are not a victim in her becoming pregnant. But I'm sure someone here will come up with some turkey baster conspiracy.
The fact that she is behaving this way is a problem. First, save all of your texts and show them to your attorney. Making threats and harassment are both against the law, teach her now that it won't be tolerated, pregnant or not. As a mother to be, she needs to knock it off. She does not have control over your life.
Show the texts to your family, if you feel so inclined. However, if they cannot support you and don't believe you, you need to keep them at reasonable distance. Bottom line, it is your life and your child. Live it as you see fit.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
