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As much as I loved someone, I could not handle an asexual partner. I crave sex. It is a basic need for me. It is hard for me to understand how someone can not be interested at all if they've had good sex. I don't just mean physical intimacy - I mean the whole shebang - being in love and making love.
I thought I was married to an asexual... but then she remarried less than a year after I finally divorced her (after 27 years, the last half of which was totally sexless). So I've often wondered if she found someone else who doesn't like sex, if she finally tried it after all those years and decided it wasn't so bad, or if she tried it long enough to "hook" him (like she did with me).
It was after our first child was born that sex pretty much stopped.
this is true. But from what I understand of assexualism, it's about people consciously choosing not to have sex, and have no sexual feelings.
If there are emotional/physiological reasons for not liking sex, fine. But not feeling sexual "just because" makes no sense.
Makes no sense to you perhaps. To the person in that situation, it's just normal. If it's caused by a hormone imbalance, he or she might never have known sexual craving at all and therefore has no concept of what's missing.
There's a huge range of sexual norms, and that's just one extreme. Anything is normal if the person is not bothered by it. It's only a problem if it's having negative repercussions in his or her life. Someone who's sexual appetite has suddenly changed would be much more likely to be disturbed by it than someone who's always been like that.
And as for post-childbirth loss of libido, I really do believe that mothers in midlife do lose physiological interest in sex. Desire follows arousal rather than the other way around. Though it is still fun and satisfying, for many it's no longer something that feels like a need. And that's normal too.
I thought I was married to an asexual... but then she remarried less than a year after I finally divorced her (after 27 years, the last half of which was totally sexless). So I've often wondered if she found someone else who doesn't like sex, if she finally tried it after all those years and decided it wasn't so bad, or if she tried it long enough to "hook" him (like she did with me).
It was after our first child was born that sex pretty much stopped.
You automatically blame her, but maybe it's you. Maybe you are a terrible lover and she just found man who turns her on. Ever think of that?
Makes no sense to you perhaps. To the person in that situation, it's just normal. If it's caused by a hormone imbalance, he or she might never have known sexual craving at all and therefore has no concept of what's missing.
There's a huge range of sexual norms, and that's just one extreme. Anything is normal if the person is not bothered by it. It's only a problem if it's having negative repercussions in his or her life. Someone who's sexual appetite has suddenly changed would be much more likely to be disturbed by it than someone who's always been like that.
And as for post-childbirth loss of libido, I really do believe that mothers in midlife do lose physiological interest in sex. Desire follows arousal rather than the other way around. Though it is still fun and satisfying, for many it's no longer something that feels like a need. And that's normal too.
My opinion is my opinion. Not having sexual feelings "just because" to me is odd. But it takes all to make the world eh?
By the by, I did say that medical reasons are a cause of non-sexual desire. but I get the feeling that asexuals just choose not to engage in sex, or have sexual desire, which to me is odd. Whether this standpoint is offensive or not, I don't care, but we cannot control what people think.
You automatically blame her, but maybe it's you. Maybe you are a terrible lover and she just found man who turns her on. Ever think of that?
this is possible. But even if he is a terrible lover, the two should have discussed the issue. which couple would not? He never said if they discussed it or not, or attempted to seek resolution to the problem.
...but I get the feeling that asexuals just choose not to engage in sex, or have sexual desire, which to me is odd. Whether this standpoint is offensive or not, I don't care, but we cannot control what people think.
I don't know how one can choose not to have desire. We can choose not to act upon it, but it certainly seems more common for some occasional sexual desire to be normal. Choosing not to act upon on renders one celibate, not asexual.
That would be impossible for me. I'm a very sexual. If, suddenly, my husband no longer had any sex drive, I don't know what I'd do
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