Emotional Honesty in Relationships

[Sonic_Spork]

Originally Posted by MillennialUrbanist

Well, if it makes you feel any better, according to the newest school of thought (established in 2012), men aren't supposed to lean on a woman for emotional support for any reason. (I suppose they get a free pass for things like death of a family member, but that's about it.) Seeing a man in that state leads to the woman losing attraction and respect for him, because leaning for emotional support equals weakness. And weakness in a man is always unattractive.

The plus side is that it takes the pressure of the woman, leaving her free to enjoy being with a strong, desirable man, in and out of bed. The minus side is that a man has no one to lean on, with a possible exception of his family of origin. And maybe a life coach. And online forums like this one.

This is not a "newest school of thought," so don't act like it's science. It's a social theory advanced by men with an agenda. And just because you are eyeballs-deep in it, doesn't mean that the rest of us buy it.

And not to put too fine a point on it, but your persistent reiteration of disgruntled men's groups propaganda gets pretty tiresome. I've had exactly the same reaction to you since I first encountered your input here, which is AGAIN, if you're happy living your life the way you do, then rock the hell on. But you were not elected the representative of any group to paint everyone who participates in relationships any way and you don't know what you're talking about. Just because SOME people have problems in relationships does not equal ALL people having problems in relationships. Your stance would be like me citing stats on violence from men and saying that men cannot control themselves and should all be feared or locked up. That would be insane. This is insane. And if what you go on about on CD is the kind of thing you've aimed at your friends, then you really shouldn't be surprised that all of a sudden they are very busy with their wives and don't have time for it.

Most women, once we are invested in a relationship with a man, proved a GREAT DEAL of emotional support, without ever considering our men to be despicable weaklings. But it is healthy nonetheless for a man to have supportive friends as well. And to be prepared to hear his partner when they need it, too. Which my ex wasn't, but my present partner is and does. Mutual vulnerability is mutual intimacy, and it's part of being in a strong long-term bond with a mate.

But I tell ya something. Different people have different investment levels. If I were a downer all the time to my friends, I would not expect them to sit there and take it perpetually. All relationships need some give and take.

Look, I understand that your own life experiences have shaped you in a particular way. But as adults, we've all got the choice, to feed and snuggle up with our grievances and project our own crap all over the place, or to examine why we believe the things we believe, and accept different viewpoints and understand that there might be more to humanity than the things that simply confirm our biases. To figure out where our judgments make sense and where they don't. To grow. Very little is universal when it comes to human beings. Your case is as unique as mine, as anyone's. If I judged men by the worst examples I'd seen, you wouldn't like what I had to say, either.

[rego00123]

Being honest is always a good policy as long as everyone involved remembers people don’t always have the answers they may seek. It can quickly fall in to a spiral when people confuse honesty with answers. Honesty also comes with the opposite effect of having to hear things that may not be ready to or want to heard or acknowledged. Just because something is honest doesn’t mean it’s “good”

I have had my fair share of relationships where honesty has been confused as different things. Honesty doesn’t always solve issues, in fact it most often creates new ones byway of creating new or unknown information. Being and sharing in an honest way means nothing without people being willing to accept that honesty and work with it as it is and not what they want it to be. Honesty doesn’t magically solve everything, it still takes the same amount of effort and dedication as any other methodology and the intentions have to be honest in and of themselves.
Forcing someone to live your ideal of “emotional honest” when it’s outside of their own comforts isn’t going to solve anything for them or yourself. We are all individuals and we all have different approaches and comforts when dealing with our emotional states. You can’t force emotional response on people, it has to come as they are comfortable in the ways they are comfortable.

[Frihed89]

How about emotionally "factual"?