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I just love Miu miusings Someone who's crashing in owing to being underfunded should actually spend some money to buy dinner? Nice.
For the record, I've come across homeless people with signs too. The number of times I've helped them is countless. I've even parked my car and walked down to the exit or intersection, with cash or food. In tight signals, I ask'em to hop into my car. Some of them do have bad odour but my car's been fine so far. I just drive them to the closest food place and buy them food for lunch as well as dinner. And they do say thanks and the whole nine yards, which I'm clearly not expecting, because in my point of view I have always considered it a blessing to get the opportunity of wiping hunger away from someone, even temporarily.
These guys, the thanks is spontaneous because they do it over and over. It's like a job. So they know their PR and their cookie-cutter responses.
The other set of persons is the one the OP might be talking about. They have been fairly okay but the miserable economic times have capsized their boat.
These people are not used to asking for help. But their extremity has driven them to such ends. Many do not know how to say thanks, and it's not something so easy to say like when someone across the table passes you the gravy. This inability can be driven by two factors - inferiority complex that their extremity has put them at subservience (owing to which they tend to hide from the helper's face, it's mostly personal shame and discomfort, trust me this is exactly how most of them feel); second, mistreatment from the helper if any (words are not even required to mistreat. I, for instance, as a helper, can mistreat a stranded person by my mere eyes, the way I even look at them)
Considering these facts, these people just want to vanish from the scene and get away, without a thank you sometimes.
From the helper's point of view, it's just lame to complain about this. So, what next, if the same person is stranded again, you won't help them? Would that be revenge? Helping someone is a virtue. Virtues are abstract. They are not measured by the number of thank you notes received.
I come from a family with a huge history of charity. I used to hear my father complain all the time that people he's helped with money are not returning the gratitude. Some even hide from him. And I am not even sure if the gratitude tended to inflate his ego. But ego or not, he did plenty of service and that stands tall, despite his complaints.
Giving is a virtue. Whatever the receiver does or does not do is obliterated by the fact that the giver just attains a newer level of service to fellow humans.
Like I said in a previous post, the thanks received are well appreciated. The ones not received are not worth to be mentally agonized over. And it in no way depreciates the fact that you gave
I'll have to consider this post general, coz the OP does not explicitly mention the friend is in financial crisis, though it sounds like it.
I'm with you...we should do things for people because we want to, not because we may receive recognition in return. Your friend probably overlooked saying thank you but he may surprise you with a call or thank you note. Either way, it does not matter. As long as you did it for the right reasons it shouldn't matter.
Some people just don't think to say thank you. I was raised to say please and thank you regardless of how a situation went.
I think that for someone that was raised to say it, I expect it back. I know that not all people were brought up the same way, but it always throws me off when someone doesn't say thank you or please.
I expect good manners from my friends. I, on the other hand, do not expect good manners from strangers so if a stranger did not say please or thank you, I would brush it off and not give it a second thought. I don't know. I'm torn on this one. I'm leaning towards the OP on this situation. You don't do nice things for people to hear those words necessarily, but don't ask people to do nice things for you if you are not going to be grateful to them in the end.
I just love Miu miusings Someone who's crashing in owing to being underfunded should actually spend some money to buy dinner? Nice.
For the record, I've come across homeless people with signs too. The number of times I've helped them is countless. I've even parked my car and walked down to the exit or intersection, with cash or food. In tight signals, I ask'em to hop into my car. Some of them do have bad odour but my car's been fine so far. I just drive them to the closest food place and buy them food for lunch as well as dinner. And they do say thanks and the whole nine yards, which I'm clearly not expecting, because in my point of view I have always considered it a blessing to get the opportunity of wiping hunger away from someone, even temporarily.
These guys, the thanks is spontaneous because they do it over and over. It's like a job. So they know their PR and their cookie-cutter responses.
The other set of persons is the one the OP might be talking about. They have been fairly okay but the miserable economic times have capsized their boat.
These people are not used to asking for help. But their extremity has driven them to such ends. Many do not know how to say thanks, and it's not something so easy to say like when someone across the table passes you the gravy. This inability can be driven by two factors - inferiority complex that their extremity has put them at subservience (owing to which they tend to hide from the helper's face, it's mostly personal shame and discomfort, trust me this is exactly how most of them feel); second, mistreatment from the helper if any (words are not even required to mistreat. I, for instance, as a helper, can mistreat a stranded person by my mere eyes, the way I even look at them)
Considering these facts, these people just want to vanish from the scene and get away, without a thank you sometimes.
From the helper's point of view, it's just lame to complain about this. So, what next, if the same person is stranded again, you won't help them? Would that be revenge? Helping someone is a virtue. Virtues are abstract. They are not measured by the number of thank you notes received.
I come from a family with a huge history of charity. I used to hear my father complain all the time that people he's helped with money are not returning the gratitude. Some even hide from him. And I am not even sure if the gratitude tended to inflate his ego. But ego or not, he did plenty of service and that stands tall, despite his complaints.
Giving is a virtue. Whatever the receiver does or does not do is obliterated by the fact that the giver just attains a newer level of service to fellow humans.
Like I said in a previous post, the thanks received are well appreciated. The ones not received are not worth to be mentally agonized over. And it in no way depreciates the fact that you gave
I'll have to consider this post general, coz the OP does not explicitly mention the friend is in financial crisis, though it sounds like it.
I admire your humanitarianism. One of the qualities that attracted me to my ex boyfriend, was precisely that, humanitarianism. Something he lost along the way, which is a true dissapointment to me since I dislike selfishness. And I totally understand where you are coming from. Saying thank you is not the be-all to another, at least not me. Especially if the deed was done in the spirit of humanitarianism. When I go out and clean the lakes and the creeks of garbage so the birds dont eat the plastics, I don't expect others to say thank you. I do it so that there is progress and order in this world. I don't get paid and I don't expect the birds to come and sit on my window and sing to me in gratitude all morning long. But nevertheless, people do come up to me and tell me that I am doing an admirable thing. I am grateful for their sweet words, but I would do it without them anyway. I feel that I have to give something back. So I do what I have time to do and can do.
In the OP's case, having read the other posts he/she made about these visitors, I would say that being a gracious host was her only duty and that expecting a thank you isn't necessary. But the way the guests behaved while there, clearly shows that your graciousness would be better appreciated by kinder souls. Let these ones go, they are clearly not doing you much good.
I expect thanks from strangers - thanks from a colleague for my help, thanks for holding the door for some stranger - as a form of being polite.
I do not expect thanks from my friends, on the other hand, cause we know where we are with being nice to one another, which makes us be the friends that we are. In this case it's not politeness, it's friendship and we're ok without the thanks, because they're always somewhere in the back of our minds.
In your case, the situation is somewhere in the middle: used to be a friend, but is not close any more and sure did not go out of his way to be nice. Which makes him an unpleasant visitor, and you should leave it at that, no worries, no expectations.
You know, those people who go away for two weeks, you bust your butt to cover their work for them, and don't get as much as a simple "thanks" in return? I certainly won't consciously let them get run under the bus, but I sure as hell won't go out of my way to help when I know that it's not appreciated. Fool me once, shame on you...fool me twice...shame on me.
Covering for a co-worker is social service???? LOL Have you heard of back-ups? There are designated back-ups who cover others vacations. Someone else might cover yours
I admire your humanitarianism. One of the qualities that attracted me to my ex boyfriend, was precisely that, humanitarianism. Something he lost along the way, which is a true dissapointment to me since I dislike selfishness.
Temp, marry me I promise you won't get lost along the way, I'll let you un-selfishness-ly tempt me LMAO
Covering for a co-worker is social service???? LOL Have you heard of back-ups? There are designated back-ups who cover others vacations. Someone else might cover yours
And, when that someone does, I make sure to say a quick "thanks".
It's called common courtesy. I find it quite sad that you don't "get" that.
I was so excited when a friend from college called and said he would be coming to visit. To save money I allowed him to stay at our home for three nights, instead of a hotel. The chemistry we once had was gone but perhaps worse was a lack of effort to carry on a conversation. He did not try very hard to be nice. When he finally left it was a relief. But perhaps the worst thing that happened was not once did he thank me for all my help or the ability to stay with us.
Should I be upset or did he owe us nothing?
The old flame is gone, and he obviously wanted to talk or sosmething, but he probably was too nervous about you being an ex to carry on a conversation. A lot of men, sadly, are like that.
He doesn't owe you anything. But he should have said something.
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Someone who's crashing in owing to being underfunded should actually spend some money to buy dinner? Nice. 
There are designated back-ups who cover others vacations. Someone else might cover yours 
