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Statistic are factual, and they aren't misleading unless they are misinterpreted -- like, for example when people attempt to claim that because women usually have physical custody, that means courts usually award custody to women in contested cases. Anyone can win anything on certain occasions. That doesn't mean it happens all the time. A drug-using father can win custody as well.
Not all the time, of course. But, contrary to what you say above, the women do win custody most of the time vs. on certain occasions. The courts, as you well, know, favor the mother.
Well in my case he wanted the divorce, but not The Divorce. Was thrilled when I finally relieved him of his marital obligations to pursue his affair and other single life diversions, but told me we could hold off on any thing official for a long time, which puzzled me.
Here's Why
1. Divorced means free to marry again , which may not be the typical man's goal
2. Divorced means a legally binding contract for support, child or spousal and other obligations.
In other words, Responsibility! Its probably less that more women actually want the divorce, and more that divorcing men are the lot that wants to shirk their responsibilities. Sure, there's men that are responsible and being left by their spouses, but these guys aren't filing. I think that accounts for the disproportion.
Not all the time, of course. But, contrary to what you say above, the women do win custody most of the time vs. on certain occasions. The courts, as you well, know, favor the mother.
I have to disagree. According to my lawyer during my divorce 95% of custody arrangements are determined by the parents, not the court. In the 5% where there is a fight in court, it's more likely they will go to the father because fathers fighting for custody are so rare that it casts a shadow of doubt on the mother. Kind of a "Why isn't he willing to just give her the kids like most men do" thing. As if only a man who saw his STBX as an unfit parent would fight her for the kids.
It is true that women get the kids most of the time but that's because it's the way the couple wants it not because the court is awarding custody.
Well in my case he wanted the divorce, but not The Divorce. Was thrilled when I finally relieved him of his marital obligations to pursue his affair and other single life diversions, but told me we could hold off on any thing official for a long time, which puzzled me.
Here's Why
1. Divorced means free to marry again , which may not be the typical man's goal
2. Divorced means a legally binding contract for support, child or spousal and other obligations.
In other words, Responsibility! Its probably less that more women actually want the divorce, and more that divorcing men are the lot that wants to shirk their responsibilities. Sure, there's men that are responsible and being left by their spouses, but these guys aren't filing. I think that accounts for the disproportion.
My husband did the same thing. He told me we didn't have to get divorced after he moved out. I needed that legally binding contract for support of the kids so I filed. His plan was to move out, leave me with the bills and stay, legally married so he could stay on my medical insurance. Um, can you spell NO WAY IN H..E..double hockey sticks?
I have to disagree. According to my lawyer during my divorce 95% of custody arrangements are determined by the parents, not the court. In the 5% where there is a fight in court, it's more likely they will go to the father because fathers fighting for custody are so rare that it casts a shadow of doubt on the mother. Kind of a "Why isn't he willing to just give her the kids like most men do" thing. As if only a man who saw his STBX as an unfit parent would fight her for the kids.
It is true that women get the kids most of the time but that's because it's the way the couple wants it not because the court is awarding custody.
I wish it were true. I just know the horror stories of men rightfully enraged that they couldn't get custody while desperately fighting for it.
Not all the time, of course. But, contrary to what you say above, the women do win custody most of the time vs. on certain occasions. The courts, as you well, know, favor the mother.
Actually, they don't. After all, our society still lavishes praise on fathers for doing things that mothers are expected to do. If a man changes a soiled diaper, he's a hero; if a woman changes a soiled diaper, she is merely an acceptable mother. And so, when they go into court fighting over custody, for a woman to admit that she hardly every changes her baby's diapers is a lot more damaging than for a man to admit the same thing. I am not asking you to admit to anything here, but look into your heart and ask yourself honestly: Is the sight of a woman comforting a crying baby nearly as adorable and touching as the sight of a man doing it? A man caring for a baby is viewed as extraordinary; a woman caring for a baby is merely commonplace. Judges are people (and most of them are male, in fact) -- and as much as they try to be impartial, they still invariably bring these very prejudices into the courtroom. Men are also given much more leeway to be "bad". A man who was arrested for smoking a joint back in college does not run nearly the same risk of that incident ruining his chances for custody than a woman with the same history. That's why even on this forum, you hear all this screeching about how women who use drugs make unfit mothers, but hardly anyone worries about how drug use affects a man's ability to be a good father -- despite the fact that men have much higher rates of drug and alcohol abuse than women. Courts, like society in general, view mothers much more harshly, and much more demandingly, than men.
You are basing your opinion on how courts tend to rule because you've heard "horror stories" about men being unable to obtain custody. Every one of those "horror stories" has another side to it, and unless you apprise yourself of all facts, you cannot possibly arrive at an informed opinion about it. There are plenty of other "horror stories" as well -- of abusive fathers getting custody, of fathers obtaining custody then dumping their kids onto babysitters and boarding schools, and (last but not least, and quite common), fathers using custody as a leverage tool to extract monetary concessions.
Your own previous post demonstrates a gender bias. You say that a man who loses custody despite desperately fighting for it, he is "rightfully" enraged. So the reasonable inference here is that you believe if a man is desperately fighting for custody, he should get it; i.e., a man should get custody if he really, really wants it. Do you apply the same standard to women? Do you believe that if a woman loses custody despite desperately fighting for it, her anger over it would be "rightful"? I think not. What if both parents desperately fight for custody? Who's side are you on then, huh?
I wish it were true. I just know the horror stories of men rightfully enraged that they couldn't get custody while desperately fighting for it.
According to my lawyer, and I'm sure he's seen more cases than either of us, it is true. He does, however , admit that courts favor a stay at home mom over the father for custody but that's by the couple's choice. When they set one party up as the primary parent during the marriage, it's unrealistic to expect the court to change that in a divorce. They will favor the primary parent when the couple has created a situation where there is a primary and secondary parent.
By any chance, did the wives of these men stay at home and establish themselves as the primary parent before the divorce?
Your own previous post demonstrates a gender bias. You say that a man who loses custody despite desperately fighting for it, he is "rightfully" enraged. So the reasonable inference here is that you believe if a man is desperately fighting for custody, he should get it; i.e., a man should get custody if he really, really wants it. Do you apply the same standard to women? Do you believe that if a woman loses custody despite desperately fighting for it, her anger over it would be "rightful"? I think not. What if both parents desperately fight for custody? Who's side are you on then, huh?
Not at all. I am saying very simply and clearly that I have personally known cases where the woman was obviously unfit to be a mother, and the father fought and lost, so he was rightfully enraged. This is in regard to men who should have been awarded custody and weren't meaning the courts still award custody to women in most cases. No need to make any inference.
According to my lawyer, and I'm sure he's seen more cases than either of us, it is true. He does, however , admit that courts favor a stay at home mom over the father for custody but that's by the couple's choice. When they set one party up as the primary parent during the marriage, it's unrealistic to expect the court to change that in a divorce. They will favor the primary parent when the couple has created a situation where there is a primary and secondary parent.
By any chance, did the wives of these men stay at home and establish themselves as the primary parent before the divorce?
No, in all cases they were not stay at home moms and I don't know if that precludes their being considered as the primary parent.
Men are more likely to cheat and more likely to physically abuse, and that is why women file more.
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But, contrary to what you say above, the women do win custody most of the time vs. on certain occasions. The courts, as you well, know, favor the mother.
Um, can you spell NO WAY IN H..E..double hockey sticks?
