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I had written an entire wonderful post and then I accidentally hit a link on my favorites toolbar at the top of the screen and BAM... all gone. Sigh. I feel like that could be a metaphor for life lol.
Anyways... I'm going to summarize what I had originally wrote and I'll start off by saying that I've been in your situation before and I understand how you feel and how it can be very frustrating. It can and will get better though! Environment and location has a lot to do with it but attitude also plays a huge role.
1. Be friendly and open. This means no "***** shield". This means talking to strangers and smiling. You get the idea... you may already be doing this! If so, then kudos to you! I mean that too. I'm not being sarcastic.
2. I sometimes get a negative vibe from your posts. It may simply be an internet thing (since you only see words and that can make things come across differently than intended). I know that many guys can subconsciously pick up on negativity though and it turns them off.
3. Are you passionate about anything? If not, then find something that revs you up inside! People with passion are very attractive, that's a given (unless it's a creepy passion... like a passion for taxidermy or centipede hunting but I'm sure even then there would probably be another person who finds that intriguing... such is the world).
4. Making your outfits more man-friendly may increase your opportunity. I know you're against that because you want to keep your own sense of style but all I'm saying is the save your avant garde silhouettes and abstract prints for your friends because guys don't really care much about fashion (of course, some guys do - there are always exceptions). They just want to see your figure. I'm not saying donning skintight dresses, showing massive amounts of cleavage, and hiking your shorts/skirts up to your hipbone is the way to go. All I'm suggesting is keeping it simple and fitted.
I had written an entire wonderful post and then I accidentally hit a link on my favorites toolbar at the top of the screen and BAM... all gone. Sigh. I feel like that could be a metaphor for life lol.
Anyways... I'm going to summarize what I had originally wrote and I'll start off by saying that I've been in your situation before and I understand how you feel and how it can be very frustrating. It can and will get better though! Environment and location has a lot to do with it but attitude also plays a huge role.
1. Be friendly and open. This means no "***** shield". This means talking to strangers and smiling. You get the idea... you may already be doing this! If so, then kudos to you! I mean that too. I'm not being sarcastic.
2. I sometimes get a negative vibe from your posts. It may simply be an internet thing (since you only see words and that can make things come across differently than intended). I know that many guys can subconsciously pick up on negativity though and it turns them off.
3. Are you passionate about anything? If not, then find something that revs you up inside! People with passion are very attractive, that's a given (unless it's a creepy passion... like a passion for taxidermy or centipede hunting but I'm sure even then there would probably be another person who finds that intriguing... such is the world).
4. Making your outfits more man-friendly may increase your opportunity. I know you're against that because you want to keep your own sense of style but all I'm saying is the save your avant garde silhouettes and abstract prints for your friends because guys don't really care much about fashion (of course, some guys do - there are always exceptions). They just want to see your figure. I'm not saying donning skintight dresses, showing massive amounts of cleavage, and hiking your shorts/skirts up to your hipbone is the way to go. All I'm suggesting is keeping it simple and fitted.
i know the feeling after you are done typing something long, and then it disappears.
in regards to what you said:
1. i smile a lot. in fact, im someone you might say smiles too much. ive even had people come up to me randomly for help. ive asked them why they choose me and the answer is always "you were smiling at me" lol.
2. internet thing. like i have said before, i am optimistic whenever i go out with a guy and hope for the best. i dont bring up past relationships or dating experiences unless i get asked.
3. yup. i am passionate about traveling and leaning about other peoples' cultures! some guys love to hear my stories, others have no interest.
4. i dont wear things that look like i am trying to hide anything. i show a little skin, but never too much or anything distasteful.
To be honest, there is something seriously messed up with LA dating culture and you are doing the right thing by moving. Austin, Boston, the Bay Area-possibly any other city besides New York would have a better dating scene. My friends and I didn't meet anyone our entire 4 years of college in LA, because guys seemed to prefer supermodels. (And all of us were attractive, but we were indie/alternative, not "Barbie" types.) Then I moved to San Francisco (which is supposed to be notorious for not having enough straight men) and I got asked out a lot, and the guys were actually deep and wanted to get to know me past 3 dates. I got married years ago and most of my friends in LA are now in their mid-30s, still single and having trouble finding decent guys unless they go outside of the area.
To be honest, there is something seriously messed up with LA dating culture and you are doing the right thing by moving. Austin, Boston, the Bay Area-possibly any other city besides New York would have a better dating scene. My friends and I didn't meet anyone our entire 4 years of college in LA, because guys seemed to prefer supermodels. (And all of us were attractive, but we were indie/alternative, not "Barbie" types.)
Hogwash. LA is the best place for dating. If you are even remotely attractive or interesting, you'll get asked out on dates. Provided you are not looking to ONLY date 6' 4" Blonde buff types who drive Beamers. Only way I can see someone having difficulty dating here is if she is overweight AND negative AND has an attitude where no guys would want to approach.
Why is it that I never had any problems dating? Why is it that most people I know have never had any problems dating?
Four years of college here and you didnt meet anyone? Wow. I find that hard to believe unless you uh, you know ........ what I said above. EVERYONE seems to find someone here. What kind of guy were you and your friends looking for that was so difficult to find in the second most populous city in the USA?
Hogwash. LA is the best place for dating. If you are even remotely attractive or interesting, you'll get asked out on dates. Provided you are not looking to ONLY date 6' 4" Blonde buff types who drive Beamers. Only way I can see someone having difficulty dating here is if she is overweight AND negative AND has an attitude where no guys would want to approach.
Why is it that I never had any problems dating? Why is it that most people I know have never had any problems dating?
Four years of college here and you didnt meet anyone? Wow. I find that hard to believe unless you uh, you know ........ what I said above. EVERYONE seems to find someone here. What kind of guy were you and your friends looking for that was so difficult to find in the second most populous city in the USA?
sorry lao, i agree with that poster.
i actually dont have that many PHYSICAL stands for men (just a nice smile and hopefully clear skin), and while i can get asked out on dates, relationships here just arent easy. the poster was saying that her and her friends are attractive but not the conventional la type which i understand (i am not the conventional type myself). even men in the unattractive to average range here seriously think they can get a girl that is super hot. i am not asking for brad pitt here lol, and i doubt that poster was either.
i feel i am a great package, have a good personality, and i am attractive (not "hot", but i think i am nice looking). granted people on this board usually can just blame it on my personality which i assume they will say because they havent met me. i expect people just to say it has to be me, because well, it is easier to say that lol. i mean there are a few people on this board i feel and and about, but i just assume they are probably different offline.
actually, most people i am friends with the same thing that going beyond the date with someone here in la and getting serious, is SUPER HARD! i have beautiful, intelligent friends, with great personalities. they can definitely offer a lot to a man, but because they dont scream "DAMN GIRL, YOU FINE AS ****", guys just pass them by. my friends are between 23-30.
Well, it's an exaggeration to say noone asked us out, or that guys didn't like us, but at least at UCLA (maybe it's different from the rest of LA) the choice seemed really limited. Maybe wherever you are in LA, it is different. Jaleel White, who plays Steve Urkel, asked out one of our friends who fit the blond, skinny, busty stereotype (he's not that different in real life vs. the show) and noone seemed to be surprised, because there were so many couples on campus comprised of hot girl and pencil-neck-geek-who-thinks-he's-the-bomb types. But in general, there weren't even a lot of couples on campus.
When I moved to any other city-SF, New York, Palo Alto, even Pittsburgh-I got asked out a LOT more by better-looking (not model-like, just moderately attractive) , nicer, more interesting, more intellectual guys. I don't know, I could have considered ugly by LA standards and attractive in all those other places. Or maybe they don't focus so much on looks everywhere else. I do remember thinking it was all in my head, and then I met a middle-aged guy at my work who had lived in NYC, SF and LA, and he left LA because he had a young daughter and he said "Los Angeles and whole looks thing is just terrible on a woman's self-esteem."
noone seemed to be surprised, because there were so many couples on campus comprised of hot girl and pencil-neck-geek-who-thinks-he's-the-bomb types.
When I moved to any other city-SF, New York, Palo Alto, even Pittsburgh-I got asked out a LOT more by better-looking (not model-like, just moderately attractive) , nicer, more interesting, more intellectual guys. I don't know, I could have considered ugly by LA standards and attractive in all those other places. Or maybe they don't focus so much on looks everywhere else. I do remember thinking it was all in my head, and then I met a middle-aged guy at my work who had lived in NYC, SF and LA, and he left LA because he had a young daughter and he said "Los Angeles and whole looks thing is just terrible on a woman's self-esteem."
thats what i have said all along. really unattractive men here will and can land these super hot women. its the attractive but yet not really hot women that cant get a relationship with men regardless of looks.
when i was living in buenos aires (home of HOT MEN) i constantly got asked out. men didnt even hit on you there in the creepy way. usually they would have a nice conversation with you and tell you that you are beautiful in a romantic and non scummy way. i do get hit on and asked out here, but nothing in comparison of what i have gotten when living and traveling in other countries.
throughout all these posts on looks, i just think beauty is very regional. what is seen as just okay looking in one area, may be beautiful in another. la just seems to be the creme de la creme of the hot actress/model type and because there are so many, thats what is seen as beautiful. not saying those women are beautiful. they scream that they just had sex and have great breasts!
LA is a different universe in terms of dating, though I have not really been single and looking in LA, more like committed and then happily single to the point where I was ignoring dating. I know people, however, who have had extremely difficult times dating in LA who are very attractive.
I'm not kidding when I say that I know more than one person who was not open to anyone who was not from the same area code, or the overlay, simply because of the reaily of a complication and possible two-hour round trip commute to get to one's date on a stressful, choaked 405 heading through Supelveda Pass. Or, they meet that great date, but she lives in Santa Monica, and they live in Irvine; or someone who lives in Venice and you're in San Marino. It's a funtion of the realities of the traffic in much of the region where for any relationship to be able to develop, it is almost a long-distance affair, even if it's just the other side of the hill, sometimes. Distances that are relatively easy in other areas, say 20-25 miles, become so not worth the hassle, that people tend to try to find what they want closer to their home.
And, when you're dealing with a smaller group of people, it can be more difficult to find that person with whom one can have a lasting relationship. Weed out the superficial set, and you have a comparatively difficult situation in which it's hard to meet new people and find someone to date. LA is many things, but if one isn't into the whole club scene, it can be very difficult since much of the city is an industry town where the smoke and mirrors philosophy pervades the reality of everyday life.
Now, I have been single in Irvine, and found it much easier to meet and date people in Irvine and San Diego than it would have been in Los Angeles, though I did have a couple of people express interest in me (when I was taken) solely on the basis of what car I drove and where I lived. Now, if that isn't superficial, I don't know what is.
ETA: The guys who are dating above their station will commute, I have found, gladly spending two hours on the freeway and tons of money on their dates who are into the conventionally hot category.
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All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players: they have their exits and their entrances; and one man in his time plays many parts, his acts being seven ages.
~William Shakespeare (As You Like It Act II, Scene VII)
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hmm maybe ask him out for coffee as friends and see where it goes you already have something in comon and something to talk about
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