Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Come on, dude....have some self-respect and pride. Don't take any woman back after she's betrayed you. Be a man and put your foot down for crying out loud!
Pride goeth before a fall
That poster said he'd rather have his family intact and a strong marriage.
He could have taken the easy way out and been a victim, but he decided to fight for what he wanted - good for him.
Maybe you missed the part where he said "forgiveness = growth".
When/if you ever marry and when/if she ever cheats on you, feel free to nurse your wounded pride and not fight for your marriage.
That poster said he'd rather have his family intact and a strong marriage.
He could have taken the easy way out and been a victim, but he decided to fight for what he wanted - good for him.
Well, that's fine, but since she cheated he should be able to fool around a bit as well; and I hope he does.
However, I personally wouldn't put up with any cheating nonsense. I might stay married for the sake of the kids or whatever, but best believe I'd be doing my own thing on the side at that point and wouldn't feel one ounce of guilt about it.
Well, that's fine, but since she cheated he should be able to fool around a bit as well; and I hope he does.
Because two wrongs always make a right.
Let's see - if he cheats on her, does she then need to "man up" and get some self respect and retaliate and cheat again? And then he gets his self-respect and pride back from yet another dalliance....wait, I just can't see how this could end well....
Let's see - if he cheats on her, does she then need to "man up" and get some self respect and retaliate and cheat again? And then he gets his self-respect and pride back from yet another dalliance....wait, I just can't see how this could end well....
Well, I'm just not a very forgiving person when it comes to things like that, so I'd feel like I'm entitled to do virtually whatever I want at that point as a result of her already cheating twice. Of course, I wouldn't put it in her face and would be very discreet about it.
I have been out of it for a couple weeks thanks to some twins that decided they wanted a test run of labor just a few weeks to early.
As for the original post, I want to thank all those who gave opinions and advice. It really did help to have all sides.
As for my DH and I, things are going really well. I decided to speak with a counselor about how I was feeling and after the first session, even he (counselor) had to admit that my head was on pretty straight for someone in my position. I spent two weeks on hospital bedrest doing a lot of soul searching, crying, and even a little praying. I found that no matter what direction I took, my mind always came back to not wanting to break apart my family. So, I decided that I really needed to just forgive him and move on. And, really, I think I have done so. I look at how much he is hurting because of what he did and what he is afraid of losing and there is no doubt in my mind that this will not happen again. So, now it is up to him to forgive himself. I know that may sound corny or unbelievable to the skeptics among us, but believe it or not, he has taken this whole mess ten times harder than I have.
So, thanks again for all your help. I really appreciate the advice.
This was what I was going to say to the OP. You are amazingly calm and reasonable, considering all sides.
As another happily married person who has dealt with betrayal I have to say it is very important for him to be in a supportive accountable environment and for you to rebuild trust little by little. Don't think he can just will himself into never doing something like this again. Get a support network for yourself too.
I am sorry you are having to go through this, especially being pregnant.
My first thought was at what point, if ever, was he going to tell you this on his own? It is likely never, if you hadn't found that paperwork and questioned him. Your marriage will never be the same after this, and you will never completely trust him. He says he will never do it again, but you cannot count on that? No. It is not impossible, but it is unlikely that she got pregnant from having sex one time. Who cheats and doesn't use protection, god grief. You also might Google "how much does an abortion cost". It is far less than $1500, so someone is lying here. When 2 people love and respect each other they do not do things like this. If it were myself I would leave once the twins were born and you had recovered.
Last edited by brokencrayola; 07-15-2012 at 04:07 PM..
Reason: added
For what its worth, I believe this thread was created in 2009. I was going to give my 2 cents but thanks to SierraAz... I now look at the dates on thread before responding lol
For what its worth, I believe this thread was created in 2009. I was going to give my 2 cents but thanks to SierraAz... I now look at the dates on thread before responding lol
oops! lol It would be nice to have another update though!
People are so naive. Pretend you live in Europe and get on with your life. Extramarital sex is not the end of the world. Humans are not naturally monogamous.
I would try to get your marriage back on track if you love each other.
You sound to me like a very wise lady, most women would do something about this as soon as they could. Giving it some time is the smart thing to do. No one can tell you what you should or shouldn't do, that is a decision you will have to make for yourself, I think it depends a lot on how much you care for your husband. He lied to you trying to cover this whole thing up instead of coming to you when it first happened and telling you that he has a problem. Will you ever be able to trust him again? My first wife had several affairs during the 20 years we were married. Guilt got to her and she fessed up, but she turned around and did the same thing several more times before I decided enough is enough. Your husband might not ever cheat again, but I wouldn't count on it if I were you. We always think we know exactly what we would do if we were put in your place, but few of us would actually do what we think we would do. I would try counselling and biding my time to see what the future holds, I wouldn't make any hasty decision. I'm sorry you are having to go through this, good luck.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
