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Hello All. I'm hoping you CD folks can give me some insight to a problem I'm starting to have with my relationship. Well for some background, I've been dating my boyfriend for about 2 years now. He moved in with me in April. The problem is that within those 2 years, he has not met any of my friends and only one of my family members. I've met most of his family and friends about 1.5 years ago.
We've been invited to numerous events by my friends and family but he always says no. I've talked to him about it but he really doesn't come up with a solid reason why he won't meet anyone close to me. I'm not the kind of person that feels that couples have to be joined at the hip and do everything together. But I do think it a little strange that someone I'm dating has not made an effort to meet anyone close to me in 2 years .
But he also doesn't want to go on vacation with me either. When I go to my home town I offer him to come with me; not to meet my family but just for a little get away at a hotel. But again the answer from him is no. This pisses me off though because then he tries to keep tabs on me and gets upset when I'm not available to answer his calls (of course when I call him on it he denies that's what he's trying to do). Even when we go out together it's like we're not together because he walks without me.
I'm still trying to get my feelings together about this but it's going to reach a head soon. I'm going to put it on the table tonight when I talk to him because this isn't going to work for too much longer. I've been in a similiar situation before but at least that guy had an excuse (extreme travel for work).
So, have any of you been through something like this and what did you do about it? Did you ever find out what was really going on? Was it some kind of insecurity, just a home body, introversion, or that he/she just wasn't that in to you?
Based on the info you've provided...Only way this can work is to seek counseling...I truely feel he's cheating on you; everytime you go on vacation he's actively going out and hooking up...
Do you think he's overwhelmed with his commitment to you? Not saying that he doesn't want to be with you.
A relationship is 50/50, and it sounds like he's not pulling in his half. You really need to come up with a resolution and some clarification because this is not fair to you.
Hello All. I'm hoping you CD folks can give me some insight to a problem I'm starting to have with my relationship. Well for some background, I've been dating my boyfriend for about 2 years now. He moved in with me in April. The problem is that within those 2 years, he has not met any of my friends and only one of my family members. I've met most of his family and friends about 1.5 years ago.
We've been invited to numerous events by my friends and family but he always says no. I've talked to him about it but he really doesn't come up with a solid reason why he won't meet anyone close to me.........
Stop right there!
This is a classic warning sign. Cheating aside, if he was really into you, he'd be wanting to meet your family, at the very least, soon after you met and would start to meet your friends too. This is classic controlling behavior and will likely get worse, should you marry.
However, I don't think this is his plan and he just wants to avoid the risks that might occur should he be introduced. I've known men with this pattern and they want to play the field while their GF goes home for the weekend.
It might be a good idea to go slow in the early stages, when you don't know whether the relationship will last, but this phase should only last weeks, not years.
I've been in this situation before. I met all of my ex's friends and family, but he never was willing to meet mine. I even bailed on TWO of MY birthday parties, just so we could hang out where HE wanted for MY birthday. Ultimately, I determined that he was just selfish and felt my world should revolve around him and no one else. Once I realized he wasn't going to change, we split. So my advice to you: if you want to try and save your relationship, talk to him about how his behavior is making you feel and if he is willing to make the neccessary adjustments to make you comfortable. Go with your gut, if his response doesn't feel sincere, tell him to kick rocks and find an actual "partner".
My only thought about his not wanting to meet your family is that maybe he thought the one family member he met wasn't nice to him/didn't like him?
I have been married five years and got the cold shoulder from my husband's family from the beginning. At first, I went to family events but then I just stopped going, because they weren't nice to me at all. Now, I skip pretty much all family events and get togethers with his family. So that could be the reason. Does that sound like it might be a possibility?
My question is........WHY OH WHY are you still with this guy???? You don't want to meet a guy that wants to be with you, meet your family and friends? If you aren't willing to "lay down some law" then you both have a problem! If you can't tell him "I don't want this, I don't need this, this just isn't working out........please get your stuff and leave"......then you have more of a problem than you are stating here! Don't be a "push-over"!!
I'd hate to guess what his problem is, but you and he need to sit down and have a talk until the problem is resolved.
My first thought is that he doesn't care enough about you to bother meeting your family and friends, but it could well be that he's plagued with fears about it. Either way, it's not fair to you, and if he refuses to change, kick him to the curb.
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Classic Red Flag
Ultimately, I determined that he was just selfish and felt my world should revolve around him and no one else. Once I realized he wasn't going to change, we split. So my advice to you: if you want to try and save your relationship, talk to him about how his behavior is making you feel and if he is willing to make the neccessary adjustments to make you comfortable. Go with your gut, if his response doesn't feel sincere, tell him to kick rocks and find an actual "partner". 
