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Old 07-23-2009, 02:51 PM
 
Location: Austin
1,690 posts, read 3,617,967 times
Reputation: 1115

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Quote:
You're discovering the difference of loving someone and being in love with someone.
It's amazing how everyone including the newspaper advice columnists keep throwing around this term of "being in love" like it means something. It doesn't mean anything at all because nobody bothers to define it.

So here we are, we have to define what "not being in love" entails.

Defining "being in love" is going to require a separate thread in itself.
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Old 07-23-2009, 02:59 PM
 
Location: So Cal
19,429 posts, read 15,244,219 times
Reputation: 20380
When you feel numb or dead inside, and even if everything would be perfect from then on out, you still don't want to stay because you just don't have it in you.
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Old 07-23-2009, 03:06 PM
 
Location: So Cal
19,429 posts, read 15,244,219 times
Reputation: 20380
Quote:
Originally Posted by alohaha View Post
I don't see a future with him..I feel we can't grow together..but I still love him..what should I do?
As difficult as it is, if you really don't see a future, you just have to accept that reality. It's *very* painful, but there really is no other choice. And it sounds like you already realize that.

Best of luck.
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Old 07-23-2009, 09:03 PM
 
65 posts, read 172,207 times
Reputation: 25
Quote:
Originally Posted by Granny Sue View Post
You're discovering the difference of loving someone and being in love with someone.

If you don't see yourself with him in the future or are actually dreading spending time with him in the present....you need to let him go.

You aren't doing him or yourself for that matter any favors by hanging on.

can anyone elaborate "loving someone" and " being in love with someone"?
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Old 07-23-2009, 09:06 PM
 
65 posts, read 172,207 times
Reputation: 25
Quote:
Originally Posted by SeaOfGrass View Post
As difficult as it is, if you really don't see a future, you just have to accept that reality. It's *very* painful, but there really is no other choice. And it sounds like you already realize that.

Best of luck.

thanks...
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Old 07-23-2009, 09:09 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,217 posts, read 100,729,092 times
Reputation: 40199
Quote:
Originally Posted by alohaha View Post
can anyone elaborate "loving someone" and " being in love with someone"?
Do you really not understand the difference?
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Old 07-23-2009, 09:38 PM
Status: "119 N/A" (set 24 days ago)
 
12,962 posts, read 13,676,205 times
Reputation: 9693
It really depends on how long the relationship has been going on. It seems the rules change incrementally as the relationship builds a history. In some respects a long term relationship can be more fragile because there is this expectation of love, where as in a new relationship like a six week fling or from my own experience after six months I may not be sure real love is there. IMO if you are in a relationship you should never feel alone, even if you are 100's or 1000 miles away from that person you shouldn't feel like you are by yourself when no one is around. When you stop taking a part of that person with you every where you go, I think its over.
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Old 07-23-2009, 09:38 PM
 
65 posts, read 172,207 times
Reputation: 25
Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains View Post
Do you really not understand the difference?
sorry not really...this is my first time being in a relationship... it is all new to me...
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Old 07-23-2009, 09:57 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,217 posts, read 100,729,092 times
Reputation: 40199
Quote:
Originally Posted by alohaha View Post
sorry not really...this is my first time being in a relationship... it is all new to me...
Well, you can love many different people in life - your parents, your best friends, your siblings, your dog, your grandma - surely you know what that kind of love is like?

But being "in love" with someone is love on another level. There is an intimacy and connectedness you share with that other person that you don't feel for anyone else. Being in love with someone means you are able to see them for who they truly are and yet continue to accept them and care for them despite their failings and shortcomings. Being in love with someone challenges you to put aside your own ego and selfishness. Being in love with someone inspires you to be the best you that you can be, all the while knowing you are inspiring your partner in the same way, which is a very powerful thing
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Old 07-24-2009, 03:49 AM
 
Location: Prescott Valley, Az (unfortunately still here)
2,543 posts, read 4,886,160 times
Reputation: 1521
You know it's over when:

1. When they avoid you and never call you again.

2. When they or you cheat.

3. When their personality or attitude changed strangely.

4. You don't do the things you used to do together anymore.

5. One of you start to work more than anything else (become a workaholic).

6. One of you wants to move, but the other one doesn't.

7. They or you don't find each other attractive anymore.

8. When other family members don't like them or don't like you.
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