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Real men are attentive, care about your feelings, and want you to feel comfortable.
But they do not want a lot of drama either, so you can't get into long touchy feely conversations with them and expect them to act like your girlfriend. You gotta keep it simple. Yes, no, black white.
hope some of you can shed some light on an issue i'm dealing with.. i recently broke up with my bf-a definite alpha but love him dearly. some of his negative issues were getting in the way of our relationship (not "hearing" me, too egocentric/narcissistic) and causing me to suffer too much, i felt as though my emotional health was continuing to take too many turns for the worse in dealing with his toughness..
I think you are confusing being an alpha with being controlling and being a jerk. I was with someone like that.
I think a lot of it has to do with how they were raised and who they hang around with. Because guys like that have it in their heads that they have to act and be a certain way to be a man. I was with this guy for 7 years. Yes, 7 years. And he still didn't want to settle down. And like your guy he would not listen to me and had little consideration for my feelings.
I was so miserable that I finally just had to cut it off. If he comes back, saying he will change, be very skeptical. Guys like that rarely change.
Hmmmm!! plenty of food for thought here.. it's funny what LizCab mentioned, because "change your behavior" was a big issue. He claimed "i would have been ready to change, if you inspired me in the relationship rather than taking the easy way out and ending it", I told him, in a nice way, hold the bull****. i don't want anyone to change for me. people change their behaviors because they realize they aren't healthy and they hurt the ones they love.
he'll figure it out, someday. it may be too late, as others mentioned. but that's not anything i have any control over. sorry if this all sounds tough, but i finally came to the point where i realized that loving someone and them "loving" me isn't enough when they create too much emotional stress for you, even if I'm a tougher cookie (read: not needy or overly sensitive) than most.
alphas, have you had women break up with you for reasons that you later came to understand were valid, and how did you handle it? how did your ex (if she still loved you) keep an opening available for you to come back with your pride intact, or did you never try to make amends?
I ended up becoming an alpha male because of my last breakup.
Hmmmm!! plenty of food for thought here.. it's funny what LizCab mentioned, because "change your behavior" was a big issue. He claimed "i would have been ready to change, if you inspired me in the relationship rather than taking the easy way out and ending it", I told him, in a nice way, hold the bull****. i don't want anyone to change for me. people change their behaviors because they realize they aren't healthy and they hurt the ones they love.
I agree. People only change when they want to. But my ex used this "I'm changing, I can change" bit when he was trying to get back together with me. In my case, it was way too little, way too late.
I gotta say, good for you. Thing is, you have to take care of yourself first. I know that sounds selfish, but if you're not happy, how can you ever even think of making someone else happy? You could spend the rest of your life trying to make things work, and never getting anywhere, or you can stand up for yourself and realize that you deserve better. You'll be fine, just keep smilin' and keep on looking towards the future and a better life.
And as for him? Well, he may learn, and he may not, but if he treats people like that then honestly, he's not ready for a real relationship anyways. Love is something that requires two people. Until he learns that, he'll never be able to make anyone happy.
To understand alpha males, study a wolf pack. Then realize that we live in a nation of laws. While imperfect, they place a brake on the alpha's behavior, but the veneer is thin.
In most societies prior to 1800, alphas had their way, almost unchallenged. Consequently, women not only had no rights but were in constant need of protection.
If you can understand this, you can understand many of the problems today in the middle east and central Asia. Alphas still are unchecked in many of these places and in others, the transformation only came recently. Their society is still based completely around this and it demands a different approach to dealing with others.
I think this also explains why many NA women marry Arabs, even though they MUST be aware of the problems. They find something fascinating about them and are bored with most American men, who at least try to treat them with respect and as equals.
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