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Question - how do you fall in love with someone that you have not seen face to face, have not touched, seen and experienced his habits or behaviors offline. . . someone who has expressed zero urgency in wanting to be w/ you (or even implied it), have experienced no intimacy with or shared deeper feelings with, have not seen how he treats you OFFLINE, in person?. . . I don't get it. Sounds like infatuation and lust, not being 'in love.' Saying that you are 'in love' with him (and not just loving him as a friend and human being, which is totally different) is really setting yourself up for a big fall.
To get right to the point. I met a guy on MySpace 3 years ago. For nearly 2 years consistently we have chatted over Web Camera. He lives in California, I live in Alberta so the distance is bad. We've never actually met because he can never get time off work and I can't go because of college. I'm graduating this fall and I want to meet him. It will cost me all the money I've saved up this entire year.
Sometimes I fantasize that we will have a real, normal relationship but we've never talked about this because he never brings it up and I'm unsure if it is premature talk although we are involved in a sexual way now.
So my question is, do you think that I've fallen into an illusion here? or could this be a great thing for my future? is it premature for us to talk about haveing a relationship? This situation is hard for me to calculate because my family and friends give me a biased opinion, they just want me to be safe and realistic but I want to take a risk.
I think it can have potential IF that's what you BOTH want... if he hasn't approached the subject, you should...
personally I think it's the same as what I've seen in this locale- many people are willing to and PREFER to settle for less than "the whole thing"... can be o.k. if both individuals have the same goal for it
We've never actually met because he can never get time off work and I can't go because of college. I'm graduating this fall and I want to meet him. It will cost me all the money I've saved up this entire year.
Ah, having read through this thread, now I remember as you've posted on the Legal Immigration thread about how to get a working visa for the US - and have probably already read the links provided and realized how almost impossible it's going to be for you. Even if this relationship did work out and marriage were an option, that's out of the question as you say you are gay.
That said, there are two major warning signals in your post. You've been corresponding over the internet for almost two years and he is working but you haven't met because he can never get time off work? Everybody gets vacation time and it's not as though the US and Canada are an ocean apart.
You are a student and it's going to cost you all the money you've saved up for a year to go and visit him who has a job? What about at least meeting half way and splitting the expenses?
Do be careful and think carefully before blowing all your money. The world economy is in dire straits right now; you're about to get out of college and start looking for employment in a very depressed market; and that money you've put away is the cushion you're going to need. You'll be one very unhappy and disillusioned young man if you toss it all away on a trip to California which may well come to nothing. I really do wish you luck and hope you'll take the time to heed the advice you've been given on this thread. Cheers!
@UrbanBlasphemy - I agree the cost should be split. I asked once and he said he couldnt afford it. He drives a mercedes sl500 though. I keep thinking to myself, if he really wanted to see me he could make some life style adjustments?? but maybe I'm not being realistic.
@STT Resident - He is a musican and in a boyband. So basically hes always on call (apparently?). He said he would make time for me if I came. I dont know how to take that but I know it doesnt sound good... at all, since he cant now .
The more I think about it logically, the more I feel like I'm trapped in a fantasy.
@UrbanBlasphemy - I agree the cost should be split. I asked once and he said he couldnt afford it. He drives a mercedes sl500 though. I keep thinking to myself, if he really wanted to see me he could make some life style adjustments?? but maybe I'm not being realistic.
@STT Resident - He is a musican and in a boyband. So basically hes always on call (apparently?). He said he would make time for me if I came. I dont know how to take that but I know it doesnt sound good... at all, since he cant now .
The more I think about it logically, the more I feel like I'm trapped in a fantasy.
Colt - Try not to see it as a bad thing. It is a fun fantasy. Now that you are starting to see it more for what it is, this gives you the chance to reach out to people closer to you.
To get right to the point. I met a guy on MySpace 3 years ago. For nearly 2 years consistently we have chatted over Web Camera. He lives in California, I live in Alberta so the distance is bad. We've never actually met because he can never get time off work and I can't go because of college. I'm graduating this fall and I want to meet him. It will cost me all the money I've saved up this entire year.
Sometimes I fantasize that we will have a real, normal relationship but we've never talked about this because he never brings it up and I'm unsure if it is premature talk although we are involved in a sexual way now.
So my question is, do you think that I've fallen into an illusion here? or could this be a great thing for my future? is it premature for us to talk about haveing a relationship? This situation is hard for me to calculate because my family and friends give me a biased opinion, they just want me to be safe and realistic but I want to take a risk.
2 years is along time to never have gotten the chance to take some time off.
I hope you haven't put all your eggs in this basket so to speak.
Notice it is you saving the money to visit him.
Not knowing everything about either of you, I don't want to judge.
[ but maybe I just did already] Take the risk, what the hell, but next
time make sure he returns the favor and pays to see you.
Last edited by virgode; 07-26-2009 at 04:14 AM..
Reason: paraghing
@UrbanBlasphemy - I agree the cost should be split. I asked once and he said he couldnt afford it. He drives a mercedes sl500 though. I keep thinking to myself, if he really wanted to see me he could make some life style adjustments?? but maybe I'm not being realistic.
@STT Resident - He is a musican and in a boyband. So basically hes always on call (apparently?). He said he would make time for me if I came. I dont know how to take that but I know it doesnt sound good... at all, since he cant now .
The more I think about it logically, the more I feel like I'm trapped in a fantasy.
That does indeed add to the emotional and practical mix. If he's too busy being on call in his busy boyband then he must be busily making money (the Merc would rather indicate that he's not exactly a starving artist) but can't afford to split the cost of your visit? And he will "make time for you" if you went? How very generous of him - and you're right, it doesn't "sound good" in fact much less than good.
No worries, kiddo, fantasies are all a part and parcel of life but sometimes they just have to be slapped into place. I hope you make the right decision for yourSELF. And a suggestion, get off the computer and start making some social overtures in the real world. "Go West, young man," (but not THAT far West!) Cheers and good luck.
Dillusions are all a part of life, everyone gets them. But you dont know how many other girls he's doing this to. He's way far away and for all you know, might have a live-in girlfriend or wife. You have no way of knowing.
Long distance internet relationships? Especially a myspace one??? Id think real hard!
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He drives a mercedes sl500 though. I keep thinking to myself, if he really wanted to see me he could make some life style adjustments?? but maybe I'm not being realistic.
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