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From what I gathered he seems possibly selfish, delusional, and/or having compromise issues. That kind of strong emotional attachment coupled with hasty decisions at the begining of a relationship is usually associated with younger teens and the sort. I just get the feeling that he made his own little imaginary vacation type of deal in his head then just expects you to drop everything to be with him. This sort of thing sounds like it should have been talked over mutually and something arranged, not just "Surprise you get to come over and spend a week with me". To me, if I'm really interested in someone, I would be very happy to have a couple of days. The whole week long thing sounds more serious to me, not to judge what two consenting adults are doing.
You were honest with him about what you were looking for from the beginning so he should have understood that and he shouldnt have put you in a difficult situation like that but I dont understand why you would want to end the relationship just by how he initially reacted. At least he admitted that he was wrong.
The man from CT I mentioned before wants to me to spend an entire week with him.
We have had a wonderful time over the last while. I really enjoy his company. He is everything I want all the way around, but I made it clear in the beginning that I am not looking for a full time, committed relationship. I'm happy to spend a day or two with him, not an entire week.
I told him I'm not prepared to set aside that kind of time. He shook his head and looked at me like I was an alien. "That kind of time? What does that mean?" My first urge was to tell him that I do not want to spend that kind of time, day in and out, with anyone for 7 days. But he was already taken aback. Instead, I told him that I'd go up for a weekend. He then gave me all the reasons why I could go up for a week; I work from home, it's all paid for, I don't have a boss, I no longer have pets (my dog is gone, by the way ), no kids at home - I have no reason to NOT go for a week. I felt cornered. I didn't like that. I told him, again, I'd go for a weekend. He just stood there and shook his head, mouth open with that "I can't believe you" look. We ended the conversation and I left.
We were supposed to get together again today, but he called this morning and said he was changing his flight and going home. I really like him and I don't want this to discourage him. At the same time, I don't really feel for him enough to make the concession; not yet.
How would you kids handle this?
What are you crazy!!!! I do agree though with you I think he shouldn't corner you....and I think he should come to you. Also heck life is short...if you like him see where things end up. Hun if it doesn't work you just come home eat a box of icecream and move on. But who knows it might work out. I wish you well!!!!!!
You were honest with him about what you were looking for from the beginning so he should have understood that and he shouldnt have put you in a difficult situation like that but I dont understand why you would want to end the relationship just by how he
initially reacted. At least he admitted that he was wrong.
I agree with you, I've been back and forth with this all day in my head.
He did apologize and he really is a nice guy, very even keeled. This was so irrational. It wasn't just the reaction. It's also the knowledge that he could work himself into thinking that I would say yes to such a degree that he went left when I didn't.
I was thinking my response to this might make him think twice next time. But I have thought this before and regretted it.
You shouldn't have to feel "guilted" into doing something you don't want to do or made to feel like there is something wrong with you.
Are you positive you explained your feelings initially?
Maybe you should have another talk with him.
I have a little system going with this online dating thing. I state my limitations in my profile, then I paraphrase it when they write to me, the point still just as clear, and ask them if they are okay with it. I do this to a) make sure they actually read my profile as some only look at the photos and write to everyone and b) to make sure they know up front what I want so neither of us wastes our time. We've discussed it on his end as well, he said he was looking for the same thing.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Raena77
What are you crazy!!!! I do agree though with you I think he shouldn't corner you....and I think he should come to you. Also heck life is short...if you like him see where things end up. Hun if it doesn't work you just come home eat a box of icecream and move on. But who knows it might work out. I wish you well!!!!!!
LOL...thanks hunny. He's been coming to me all this time. I would have been fine going up there, just not for 7 days.
I have a little system going with this online dating thing. I state my limitations in my profile, then I paraphrase it when they write to me, the point still just as clear, and ask them if they are okay with it. I do this to a) make sure they actually read my profile as some only look at the photos and write to everyone and b) to make sure they know up front what I want so neither of us wastes our time. We've discussed it on his end as well, he said he was looking for the same thing.
LOL...thanks hunny. He's been coming to me all this time. I would have been fine going up there, just not for 7 days.
What do you think will happen? Besides sex? Maybe get used to him?
Sounds more like a 'control' issue, not a healthy one.
It sounds like the BOTH of them have control issues. I think that PassTheChocolate should try ONE week with him just to see if it's that awful, which I don't think that it would be. Then keep to just weekends again after that with an occasional week long get together thrown in once every three or four months. And spending a whole week with him a much better way of getting to know the real person that he is. A weekend is not long enough, especially if plane flights are involved. as half the weekend is spend on travel time.
But both of them should compromise as it's only fair and reasonable. He did use logic to push his agenda and took into consideration her work schedule. And her other message with refusing is that she's not that into him, which must be hurtful to him since he likes her a lot. It's okay to go slow in the relationship, but being able to spend a week with him would show the both of them that if they wanted to get more serious about each other in the future, the long distance aspect of it was possible. Otherwise, why waste the time on these weekend dates?
I'm not sure of the exact timeframe PTC has been seeing/dating this guy, but, if I've just started seeing someone, the whole weekend away would be a big deal, especially since it *often* implies "more intimacy," let alone a whole week!
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), no kids at home - I have no reason to NOT go for a week. I felt cornered. I didn't like that. I told him, again, I'd go for a weekend. He just stood there and shook his head, mouth open with that "I can't believe you" look. We ended the conversation and I left.
I wish you well!!!!!!
Besides sex? Maybe get used to him?
