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The one thing you have to realize about business men with
money, there approach can be different from a man who may
not. Its that simple, there ambitious go getters, thats how
they made it to where they are, and maybe, don't do as well
in the relationship area, where boundries are set.
Not everybody says what they mean, and means what they say. You can keep it on your own terms, but a weekend wouldn't be bad. Maybe he wants you to see his world.
I was all over it, until this little incident.
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Originally Posted by miu
PTC, I feel that you shouldn't get involved with any long distance relationships. With your current attitude, I think that it's going to be too much of a hassle for you to get any momentum going, let along keep it going. So why bother? Why waste this guy's time?
Or do you want to see how high you can make him jump for the pleasure of your company?
What are you talking about? Did you read any of what I posted?
We were both in agreement as to the type of relationship we wanted and the speed that it would go. The momentum was fine, everything was going smoothly, we were having a great time going at a pace that we were both in agreement and comfortable with. It turns out he is falling faster than I am. That is not his fault or mine, it just is. How does that equate to ego-driven mind games and wasting his time? What attitude do I have?
I asked how you guys would you handle this, given his behavior. I was not in a quandary as to whether or not a week was enough. That was not up for negotiation.
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Originally Posted by Lindsey_Mcfarren
Sounds like he has already settled it. He has gone home in a huff because you won't bend to the way he wants it. If he cares about you he would have been sensetive to what you wanted to do.
As you said, you had told him what you were looking for in the beginning, he should have understood your response if he was listening to you to begin with.
I personally would sit back and see if he contacts you again AND wait to see what he says.
We actually talked and he apologized. I'm still creeped out though.
Quote:
Originally Posted by miu
I just thought it would be a way for her to get to know the area that he's in, just in case one day she'd like to move up there to be with him.
I couldn't possibly think that far ahead in the span of a few weeks.
Quote:
And if she hates where he lives, then she can use that as a deal breaker to end their budding relationship.
This was designed to be a low maintenance, long distance relationship. So hating where he lives wouldn't be a reason to leave him. Whatever the reason, acceptable or not, I'd tell him why I am ending it.
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Otherwise, just short get togethers of a weekend seem to me to slow down the investigative stages and will delay the inevitable in case they aren't compatible. Anyone can be great for a night or a weekend.
It's been more than one night and more than a weekend. Discovery, to me, is the best part of a new relationship. No need to speed anything up. We weren't on a deadliine.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Aylalou
I agree with this. A man (not so selfish and wanting things his way and then looking at you as if you're the crazy one) with a loving nature would try to understand in a patient way. This man may be wonderful for a good time and fun and a weekend might be magical, but I see a dark side of him here that is not appealing, and so early in the relationship. I can already see that if it doesn't go his way, there's something wrong with you.
That's how I feel. And I keep examining it to make sure I'm not over-reacting. I like to think I am pretty open-minded. It's the gut thing nagging at me. He really is a sweet man.
The one thing you have to realize about business men with
money, there approach can be different from a man who may
not. Its that simple, there ambitious go getters, thats how
they made it to where they are, and maybe, don't do as well
in the relationship area, where boundries are set.
Gawd, I know this all too well and it is him, no doubt. He is very direct and not hesitant about anything he does. He only does what he is willing to do, if that makes any sense. That is one thing we had in common. We actually talked about it in length. We are both in a place in life where we don't ever want to do anything we don't want to do, for work, in relationships, for the sake of pacifying others. I'm not talking about lacking compromise. I mean if we are not getting anything from it, like growth or knowledge, or if it takes from us to do it, then we want no part of it. I admired that about him, we thought a lot along the same philosophical and spiritual lines. That is why it shocked me when he tried to close me on a week, but that could be the go-getter in him as well.
I can understand why PTC would want to defend her boundries.
It can imply nothing or everything depending on perspective and the
eyes you choose to see it through.
You always have choices, that includes intimacy. There's nothing wrong
with a fun weekend, it doesn't have to imply any more than that on her part.
Jeezz, some of you gals need to let yourself live and stop being so
protective, unless you think he's hiding something or a serial killer.
Haha. Well, I assume you're a man. Let ourselves live and stop being so protective? Haha. Unless we think he's hiding something or a serial killer? Haha, again. Haha. (I guess that's all I have to say...)
Quote:
Originally Posted by miu
Neither of them are kids, but it depends on what their flirt level has been. If it were me, I wouldn't be thinking that it would be a week filled with sex. After all, he expects her to be bringing her work with her. I just thought it would be a way for her to get to know the area that he's in, just in case one day she'd like to move up there to be with him. And if she hates where he lives, then she can use that as a deal breaker to end their budding relationship. Otherwise, just short get togethers of a weekend seem to me to slow down the investigative stages and will delay the inevitable in case they aren't compatible. Anyone can be great for a night or a weekend.
Well, yes, I did allude to sex. But, just in case one day she'd like to move up there to be with him? Sounds like reconnaissance. I thought they were just dating and feeling each other out (so to speak).
We all have a dark side, everyone of us. It just depends on how dark
it might be. Is your gut reaction because of bad past relationships?
The bottom line is, you have to feel comfortable with your decision,
even if he's unhappy. You'll make the right decision.
We all have a dark side, everyone of us. It just depends on how dark
it might be. Is your gut reaction because of bad past relationships?
The bottom line is, you have to feel comfortable with your decision,
even if he's unhappy. You'll make the right decision.
I have had bad relationships, but I pride myself in giving everyone a clean slate (and it landed me in more bad relationships...lol). I still do it, but I don't fight my instincts as much.
No, I'm not a man. I've been through a situation with man in the
past that I don't want to even think about, I have every reason
to be protective, but you have to move on and enjoy your life!
That's how I feel. And I keep examining it to make sure I'm not over-reacting. I like to think I am pretty open-minded. It's the gut thing nagging at me. He really is a sweet man.
Is it possible that as this a learning curve for both of you that perhaps he's just slipped up in frustration and confusion WHICH could happen to anyone, male or female and that maybe it warrants further investigation?
I mean no matter how switched on you are to your own wants and needs, bringing someone else into the equation can cause "moments".
If you like him and you think he's a good person and this particular incident has given you reason to pause and reconsider, which is fair enough, don't you owe it to yourself to establish that it might just be that this is all new and somewhat difficult for him to negotiate also?
The other thing I was wondering (and not that I'm suggesting you force yourself to go for a week) but are there other things about CT that you want to see? Are you due for a holiday? Is it possible to go for a week but make your own arrangements with regard accommodation etc and make a few plans with him but make the reason for your trip something that you find valuable without him being the focus?
Is it possible that as this a learning curve for both of you that perhaps he's just slipped up in frustration and confusion WHICH could happen to anyone, male or female and that maybe it warrants further investigation?
I mean no matter how switched on you are to your own wants and needs, bringing someone else into the equation can cause "moments".
If you like him and you think he's a good person and this particular incident has given you reason to pause and reconsider, which is fair enough, don't you owe it to yourself to establish that it might just be that this is all new and somewhat difficult for him to negotiate also?
I agree with you. I have considered all of that. It is the contrast in the behavior that is unsettling. It's the processing of emotions before and after the incident that worries me. Like I said before (not sure if you read) how does one convince themselves that a situation is going to go a certain way to the point that they lose it when it doesn't? Like virgode said, he could just be a closer and used to getting what he wants. That's great in business, but not in relationships. It may very well be new to him, but I'm not willing to go through the work of re-training him.
Quote:
The other thing I was wondering (and not that I'm suggesting you force yourself to go for a week) but are there other things about CT that you want to see? Are you due for a holiday? Is it possible to go for a week but make your own arrangements with regard accommodation etc and make a few plans with him but make the reason for your trip something that you find valuable without him being the focus?
I am due for a vacation but I have been putting it off because my son is coming home in a couple of months. He was talking bed & breakfast as well as stuff at his home, so I doubt he would have been cool with what you suggested, especially given his reaction to not wanting to stay a week. Good idea though.
No, I'm not a man. I've been through a situation with man in the
past that I don't want to even think about, I have every reason
to be protective, but you have to move on and enjoy your life!
Oh, okay. Sorry about that.
I'm in the same boat you are. I went through a horrific time with a guy, and I was *very* protective for years, and I have definitely moved on and am enjoying my life, having met a great guy later.
I was just saying, it seems like PTC just met this guy, and I'd just take it very slow, especially after his recent reaction.
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