He wants me to fly up to spend a week with him (personality, conversations)
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I agree with you. I have considered all of that. It is the contrast in the behavior that is unsettling. It's the processing of emotions before and after the incident that worries me. Like I said before (not sure if you read) how does one convince themselves that a situation is going to go a certain way to the point that they lose it when it doesn't? Like virgode said, he could just be a closer and used to getting what he wants. That's great in business, but not in relationships. It may very well be new to him, but I'm not willing to go through the work of re-training him.
Yes, I understand. The behaviour contrast is unsettling. I guess the hard part is working out if it's a one off or if you're willing to risk finding out if it's a pattern. The trouble, I think, with these things is that on some level if you go from single to exploring a relationship with someone that there is always going to be a level of "retraining" or "negotiation" for both of you until you work out if the relationship is "do-able" or not. And we all hear bells going off when we see behaviours that remind us of past partners.
We have the benefit of hindsight but it can also be a burden because we are dealing with someone else and different circumstances. Finding and being on the same page isn't always possible but sometimes people accidently "skip forward" in their eagerness to get on with the story.
I suppose I'm saying that I agree that you are right to be questioning and it's quite possible that this is an indicator that things won't turn out for you but I'd hate for you to walk away too soon and miss out on something great OR compromise yourself into a corner either. Tough choices you've got going on here Choccie. I don't envy you that at all.
Quote:
Originally Posted by PassTheChocolate
I am due for a vacation but I have been putting it off because my son is coming home in a couple of months. He was talking bed & breakfast as well as stuff at his home, so I doubt he would have been cool with what you suggested, especially given his reaction to not wanting to stay a week. Good idea though.
Well, perhaps you could present him with that plan and see what the reaction is? You are still trying to work each other out and it's reasonable for you to negotiate a situation where you feel comfortable and more able to cope. Not to mention that if your son is coming in a couple of months it's not really a possible plan in its current form anyway. I'd say I might consider coming up for a weekend for now and perhaps a week at a later date but I'll be making my own accommodation arrangements and if he didn't like that I'd not bother going at all.
I have to laugh, (sorry ) because this situation reminds me of all the rooms we ended up booking when I came out to Washington to meet up with MM and how I insisted that we have two beds in each room, just in case I couldn't stand him in reality or he I. And how I had a Plan B if it turned out that even the thought of being in the same room together that long was more than either of us could cope with. Ended up paying for some very expensive extra luggage racks!
Pass. . . I would go. Plane tickets can always be modified for a fee. He may want a week, but a week may not be what he gets. You are a big girl and you can call the airlines to change the ticket if you want to go home early. Think of it this way, after 3 days. . . he might want *you* to go home, lol. . . you never know. We often mull over these things and you know how situations take an unexpected and interesting turn. Life is too short - go explore.
Pass - I think you made the right decision. We all have our comfort levels, and you obviously know yours. Don't let someone else talk you into something you don't want to do.
Moonshadow, it is a tough decision. Like I said, I couldn't find anything wrong with him until this. He wanted to meet yesterday but I just wasn't feeling it. I may meet with him later on and see what a face to face brings.
I agree this could be a one-time gig. We have to take risks. If anyone has a reason to be bitter and jaded, it's me. But I'm never afraid to submit to new possibilities. Maybe that's it for him, he went with the flow and got caught up. I went with the flow and this incident floored me. Not sure if that makes sense.
Jeep, to paint the picture, and I had to go back to another thread to calculate, we've been dating for about 6-8 weeks, maybe a little more? As of July 1, I had already been on 6 dates with him. We have spent the last couple of visits together, overnight, and it was wonderful. Still, I was ready to go home by the end of it - 2 days. So, I knew I would not be up for an entire week, not just yet.
Either way, thanks to all of you for your input. I'm going to meet with him later today and see what comes of it.
The man from CT I mentioned before wants to me to spend an entire week with him.
We have had a wonderful time over the last while. I really enjoy his company. He is everything I want all the way around, but I made it clear in the beginning that I am not looking for a full time, committed relationship. I'm happy to spend a day or two with him, not an entire week.
I told him I'm not prepared to set aside that kind of time. He shook his head and looked at me like I was an alien. "That kind of time? What does that mean?" My first urge was to tell him that I do not want to spend that kind of time, day in and out, with anyone for 7 days. But he was already taken aback. Instead, I told him that I'd go up for a weekend. He then gave me all the reasons why I could go up for a week; I work from home, it's all paid for, I don't have a boss, I no longer have pets (my dog is gone, by the way ), no kids at home - I have no reason to NOT go for a week. I felt cornered. I didn't like that. I told him, again, I'd go for a weekend. He just stood there and shook his head, mouth open with that "I can't believe you" look. We ended the conversation and I left.
We were supposed to get together again today, but he called this morning and said he was changing his flight and going home. I really like him and I don't want this to discourage him. At the same time, I don't really feel for him enough to make the concession; not yet.
How would you kids handle this?
"I really like him and I don't want this to discourage him. At the same time, I don't really feel for him enough to make the concession; not yet."
Translation...
"He will not be sending a private jet and expects me to fly commerically."
Oh hunny, it gets funnier every time you guys say it.
I'm not really being serious either .
To be honest, it's really not much fun to give you **** because you brush it off so easily...I may have to start picking on someone else now.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Tough choices you've got going on here Choccie. I don't envy you that at all. 
(sorry 
) because this situation reminds me of all the rooms we ended up booking when I came out to Washington to meet up with MM and how I insisted that we have two beds in each room, just in case I couldn't stand him in reality or he I. And how I had a Plan B if it turned out that even the thought of being in the same room together that long was more than either of us could cope with. Ended up paying for some very expensive extra luggage racks! 
), no kids at home - I have no reason to NOT go for a week. I felt cornered. I didn't like that. I told him, again, I'd go for a weekend. He just stood there and shook his head, mouth open with that "I can't believe you" look. We ended the conversation and I left.
