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Yanno, I couldn't possibly offer any useful advice in this situation. You are into a type of relationship that I would never want, and would never encourage.
Good point, love isn't rational. He's in love and I'm not, so he makes no sense to me....lol.
Seriously, I know I'm not capable of the deep love thing right now, this is why I light up the neon "I don't want a commitment" sign.
He is definitely keeping the wheels spinning.
Does it help maybe to think of it in more biological terms?
I mean him saying that he loves you right now is just an indication that his neurosynapses and hormone levels have come to a point where his brain tells him his heart feels love.
AND clearly your neurosynapses and hormones are working differently.
Perhaps more clinical but something I always fall back on when someone comes out with something out of left field that I'm just not feeling.
I dunno, maybe think of it like the equivalent of a diabetic getting cranky if they're not fed on time?
PTC, you asked for thoughts -- Here are mine!
If you are not emotionally available and your aim is not be love him, you should end it. Maybe he is "in love", maybe he just "loves" you - to define love is impossible. Nevertheless, he said, "I love you" and you don't feel it in return so there is little choice than to end the relationship.
It may be a shame to do so. Love is hard to find and good men are rare. All the stars sparkle when a good man loves you. But if that's not where you are at and if you don't want to get there - the two of you are on different paths.
From knowing you via your posts, I'm sure you made you position known and were very clear about it. Even if he was in agreement, some thing has changed for him. It's ok if two people are traveling at different speeds when they have the same destination. It will work out in the end. But if you are not trying to arrive at the same place - get off the train before someone gets hurt!
Yanno, I couldn't possibly offer any useful advice in this situation. You are into a type of relationship that I would never want, and would never encourage. The only thing I can say is that if this were a more "traditional" relationship, he has moved way way too fast for someone that already knows where you are, and I am thinking that he possibly hoped to sway you by the admission.
If you really enjoy his company, I mean really, enough to deal with the out-of-kilter emotional balance, then let him know that, and firmly re-establish boundaries. Otherwise, the only sensible thing to do, is check out and wish him well.
Thanks.
I don't think this is an uncommon problem, but I have been thinking a great deal about what it is I am looking for and I have considered other options. I'm just not capable of them. I am open to suggestions.
My instinct tells me he's the kind of guy who will probably find you very challenging and keep at it.
I can see that. It may be the case.
Quote:
Originally Posted by moonshadow
Does it help maybe to think of it in more biological terms?
I mean him saying that he loves you right now is just an indication that his neurosynapses and hormone levels have come to a point where his brain tells him his heart feels love.
AND clearly your neurosynapses and hormones are working differently.
Perhaps more clinical but something I always fall back on when someone comes out with something out of left field that I'm just not feeling.
I dunno, maybe think of it like the equivalent of a diabetic getting cranky if they're not fed on time?
Oh Moonie, I get it. But I almost sprayed my screen with Diet Dr. Pepper on that last visual....LMAO!
Quote:
Originally Posted by MMichelle
PTC, you asked for thoughts -- Here are mine!
If you are not emotionally available and your aim is not be love him, you should end it. Maybe he is "in love", maybe he just "loves" you - to define love is impossible. Nevertheless, he said, "I love you" and you don't feel it in return so there is little choice than to end the relationship.
I'm open to love down the road. I could fall in love next week; we don't really have a say in when it happens. But I am focused on my goals and falling in love will not make me alter my plans for the next while. I feel like he is stepping on the gas, trying to wear me down and, based on the last incident, I sense he will try and get me to alter those plans. He already wants more than I am willing to give. And he should have it if he has had a change of direction. So yeah, I'll have to let him go. I'll certainly talk to him about it beforehand and get his input.
Quote:
Originally Posted by mango tango
Oh, PTC, is it cruel of me that I laughed when I read your post? Hell, I was already cracking up when I saw the thread title.
You can't laugh at me any harder than I am already.
Oh Moonie, I get it. But I almost sprayed my screen with Diet Dr. Pepper on that last visual....LMAO!
Yeah, Dr Pepper has that effect on me too! (nasty stuff! )
Look there's no rule that says you gotta say or feel this stuff at exactly the same time. So he loves you, I mean of course he loves you, perfectly understandable AND perfectly understandable that you're a little freaked out and feeling the pressure now he's said it but really nothing changes. He's said what he's feeling and you've said what you're feeling OR not as the case may be. BUT you've also said you like him and enjoy his company so maybe don't think of it as the elephant in the room and just go with the flow? Just enjoy the company and see how you go. Unless you're absolutely sure your gut instinct is to call the whole thing off and move on I'd just digest this latest piece of information and carry on as you'd intended, enjoying his company and exploring where this path takes you.
Yeah, Dr Pepper has that effect on me too! (nasty stuff! )
Look there's no rule that says you gotta say or feel this stuff at exactly the same time. So he loves you, I mean of course he loves you, perfectly understandable AND perfectly understandable that you're a little freaked out and feeling the pressure now he's said it but really nothing changes. He's said what he's feeling and you've said what you're feeling OR not as the case may be. BUT you've also said you like him and enjoy his company so maybe don't think of it as the elephant in the room and just go with the flow? Just enjoy the company and see how you go. Unless you're absolutely sure your gut instinct is to call the whole thing off and move on I'd just digest this latest piece of information and carry on as you'd intended, enjoying his company and exploring where this path takes you.
Some of you guys make a lot of sense, both for and against it. I sent him an email a little while ago telling him I'd like to meet tomorrow. I really think I'm going to call it a day, but I'll try and encourage a discussion about where we're both at first.
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Yeah, Dr Pepper has that effect on me too! 
(nasty stuff! 
)
