Keeping Distance? (boyfriend, girlfriend, woman, friend)

[SubaruFiend]

Has anyone ever had this experience?

You begin to be interested in someone, and they sort of show some signs back that they're interested, so you become MORE interested, but then in the end they end up sort of burning you by backing away.....

but then some time later on they come back and tell you that they have always been interested and are NOW MORE interested...........

but since YOU got burned by them before you keep your distance??

And then in the long run they end up getting hurt because they think you're now rejecting them but it's actually because you're afraid to get burned again?

(I hope that made sense)......... has anyone ever experienced something like this?

[SLippi]

First guess is they were a bit afraid initially and backed off now you (or person A) is afraid and backing off. Some people are always off w/a person they are interested in. It may take some initiative to get a relationship out of that scenario. But without knowing more details about the initial backoff I wouldn't consider it being burned.

[funymann]

I don't know what you are getting at but I will take a shot at it.

I have had people move on from me. Then later they rekindle a relationship with me. They seemed to have hated me at the moment but then came back after I moved on.

Why do people do this? I am not sure. Some people are forgivers. They realize perhaps they were overreacting to a situation. Maybe they were emotional or tired or something. Then when they feel better they pursue again.

You visualize yourself walking down a road. Someone walks up next to you and smiles. You smile back. They keep walking and eventually pass you and move faster and further away. You maintain your pace and keep walking as you were. Later you find that person sitting on the bench as you approach. He gets up and starts a pace like yours and smiles and starts walking on the side of you. You then begin a conversation. Nothing was wrong, nothing was different. Maybe he thought it would have been nice to have talked with you more. You thinking the same and later it worked out.

[Laura707]

My guess is that they were more interested in someone else and it didn't lead to anything and you were the second choice or backup.. You were on the back burner incase choice # 1 fell through.. It fell through so there you are!

I knew a guy that happened to with a woman he was interested in. She would never plan something with him in advance because she was wanting to leave her schedule open for guy # 1.. If/when Guy # 1 didn't call, even up to the last minute, only THEN would she go out with my friend..

[Little Mizz Pittsburgh]

Originally Posted by SubaruFiend

Has anyone ever had this experience?

You begin to be interested in someone, and they sort of show some signs back that they're interested, so you become MORE interested, but then in the end they end up sort of burning you by backing away.....

but then some time later on they come back and tell you that they have always been interested and are NOW MORE interested...........

but since YOU got burned by them before you keep your distance??

And then in the long run they end up getting hurt because they think you're now rejecting them but it's actually because you're afraid to get burned again?

(I hope that made sense)......... has anyone ever experienced something like this?

Yes. This is the way me and a special male friend of mine started off. We never got to the point of being officially girlfriend/boyfriend because when he was ready, I wasn't, so I was the one who backed off, and when I was ready, he wasn't, he wanted to be more like a friend with benefit type of thing, and I wasn't going for that. So, it just never quite worked out for us. I don't speak to him all that often anymore, but we're still good friends, though.

[NotARedneck]

Originally Posted by SubaruFiend

Has anyone ever had this experience?

You begin to be interested in someone, and they sort of show some signs back that they're interested, so you become MORE interested, but then in the end they end up sort of burning you by backing away.....

but then some time later on they come back and tell you that they have always been interested and are NOW MORE interested...........

but since YOU got burned by them before you keep your distance??

And then in the long run they end up getting hurt because they think you're now rejecting them but it's actually because you're afraid to get burned again?

(I hope that made sense)......... has anyone ever experienced something like this?

You say that you got burned by them. What did you learn about them from that? Did you learn anything about yourself and what you want and can bring to this relationship?

I have a situation like that. but it hasn't quite come full cycle.

What I learned is that she has neuroses that needs the support and understanding on others, she is needy and this requires constant attention and that she is intolerant of the minor faults of others.

As to myself, I determined that I am not "good" enough to handle this. I'm not trying to be sarcastic as I say this. She has some good points that might be worth some effort, but I doubt that I would be capable of holding this together for long.

What I want is an uncomplicated situation that is based on mutual respect. Increasingly difficult to find.