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Old 07-14-2016, 11:10 AM
 
Location: State of Transition
92,322 posts, read 89,809,122 times
Reputation: 100648

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Quote:
Originally Posted by wanderlust76 View Post
So what you're saying is...the women there are either too picky or aren't interested in dating. There is not a lack of men approaching women that is such a myth. If the numbers game favors women, which it does almost across the board past age 30 in most parts of the country, and they claim they still can't find anyone to date - the issue is with them more than anything.

Like I said last singles event I went to it was like 3 men for every woman...and that was with the organizer even trying to keep the ratio even. I'm going to try one of the singles events that Match advertises and see if they can handle it a little better.

I go to happy hours near huge office buildings that get tons of the after work white collar crowd and I never see it. So yes it might happen but so does someone hitting the Mega Millions or the Powerball.
No, you're wrong there; the woman are interested in dating, just like NW Girl. The problem (according to several people on the Seattle and Bay Area forums) is that techies tend to have poor social skills, so they don't approach women. That wouldn't explain why it happens in other contexts though. And (I'm not usually a fan of making sweeping generalizations about an entire demographic group, either.) There must be other factors at work.

Go into any sports bar, where all the guys are watching the TV, and most of them seem to be friends, probably because they've been coming to the same bar after work for ages, and know each other. Or maybe they're from the same office. They don't react to single women walking in and sitting down. Even if those women did graze their consciousness peripherally, the guys don't break rank and actually go talk to one of the women.

So, you went to a singles event that was 3 men to one. That doesn't mean all singles events are that way. Or did you think NW Girl is lying, when she says the singles events she attends are mostly women? Reality is infinitely more varied than your narrow personal experiences.
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Old 07-14-2016, 11:15 AM
 
Location: Pittsburgh
26,456 posts, read 29,205,580 times
Reputation: 63371
Quote:
Originally Posted by 49ersfan27 View Post
A. Yes I believe that.
B. Offers to get to know a man, sex, or get into a relationship.
It's ironic, because you yourself say that you see women all the time but don't approach. You're not the only one. And you're not noticing all the less attractive women who never get approached.

And we've said it a billion times: a woman's lifestyle will affect her interaction with men in the world. If she's really attractive, if she lives in a city, if she takes public transportation, if she works a customer service job, if she socializes a lot, then yeah, she will get more attention from men in the world. But if she's like you, and she keeps to herself, she doesn't work with people, she drives alone to work, she has female-dominated hobbies, then no, she's not getting "offers" daily, weekly, or even monthly.

For me, personally, I'm not actively trying to date, but I couldn't tell you the last time a stranger approached me to strike up a pleasant conversation. I have no idea if men are looking at me and thinking things, but it certainly hasn't manifested in any kind of tangible outcome.
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Old 07-14-2016, 11:19 AM
 
4,380 posts, read 4,116,630 times
Reputation: 4420
Quote:
Originally Posted by fleetiebelle View Post
Part of the issue is that I don't know many women who would go to happy hour alone just to pick up (or be picked up by) men, though I'm sure they're out there. Usually happy hour is a group activity with friends and coworkers. I go out after work all the time, and have never (never!) been spoken to by anyone outside of the group that I'm with besides the bartender.
Happy hours here are just a cheap way to have dinner so that's typically the atmosphere. You go with friends, you sit down at a table, you have your food and beverage, you catch up and you leave.

There's a widely popular country bar here that is always jam packed. My best friend goes all the time; I've gone with him a few times and every time, I've observed the same thing: people dance with only those they know. Groups of women will sit on one side of the bar, clearly looking to dance/meet someone. It's quite easy to spot who is there just to dance and have a good time and who is looking to hookup.

Men will stand around with their bros drinking beer. Big groups will interact only with the others in their group - there's always at least one birthday and/or bachelorette party and Thursday is ladies night. I have literally watched a trio of cute 20-somethings not get approached all night. I've mentioned this to my BFF and he said it's always like that there. I asked him if he would have been more proactive in approaching someone the last time we were there if I wasn't with him. He said probably not as he rarely approaches someone, he just sticks to his regular crowd and he goes hoping TO meet someone!
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Old 07-14-2016, 11:26 AM
 
4,380 posts, read 4,116,630 times
Reputation: 4420
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth View Post
Or did you think NW Girl is lying, when she says the singles events she attends are mostly women?
Wouldn't surprise me and certainly wouldn't be the first time on this board. Oh, that and having it pointed out to me that if I'm not being approached then the only logical explanation is I'm insanely ugly.

Quote:
Originally Posted by fleetiebelle View Post
For me, personally, I'm not actively trying to date, but I couldn't tell you the last time a stranger approached me to strike up a pleasant conversation. I have no idea if men are looking at me and thinking things, but it certainly hasn't manifested in any kind of tangible outcome.
I couldn't either. Lately, given all the posts on meeting people at the gym, I've been amusing myself by seeing the lengths men will go to to avoid making eye contact with me. The women, however, tend to nod and smile.
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Old 07-14-2016, 11:28 AM
 
Location: State of Transition
92,322 posts, read 89,809,122 times
Reputation: 100648
Quote:
Originally Posted by fleetiebelle View Post
It's ironic, because you yourself say that you see women all the time but don't approach. You're not the only one. And you're not noticing all the less attractive women who never get approached.

And we've said it a billion times: a woman's lifestyle will affect her interaction with men in the world. If she's really attractive, if she lives in a city, if she takes public transportation, if she works a customer service job, if she socializes a lot, then yeah, she will get more attention from men in the world. But if she's like you, and she keeps to herself, she doesn't work with people, she drives alone to work, she has female-dominated hobbies, then no, she's not getting "offers" daily, weekly, or even monthly.

For me, personally, I'm not actively trying to date, but I couldn't tell you the last time a stranger approached me to strike up a pleasant conversation. I have no idea if men are looking at me and thinking things, but it certainly hasn't manifested in any kind of tangible outcome.
This. And even if she does deliberately seek out hobby groups with a good percentage of men, it's likely that nothing will happen. They may not find her interesting, she may not click with anyone there, or she may simply not be their type, or the one or two guys who might be interested in her may be too shy to speak to her at all.

I don't know why this myth about women being approached all the time is so persistent. Even they guys who say they assume attractive women are taken or that they don't approach because they don't want to get shot down believe that women are being approached constantly. Who is doing this approaching, if guys tend to believe there's no point in approaching, or it's too risky?
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Old 07-14-2016, 11:29 AM
 
Location: Pittsburgh
26,456 posts, read 29,205,580 times
Reputation: 63371
Quote:
Originally Posted by NWGirl74 View Post
I couldn't either. Lately, given all the posts on meeting people at the gym, I've been amusing myself by seeing the lengths men will go to to avoid making eye contact with me. The women, however, tend to nod and smile.
Oh yeah, women talk to me all the time, so I'm pretty sure I'm not walking around with RBF. They compliment my shoes or my dress or ask for directions. Men, never.
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Old 07-14-2016, 11:47 AM
 
Location: Jupiter
10,169 posts, read 7,429,032 times
Reputation: 8390
Quote:
Originally Posted by fleetiebelle View Post
It's ironic, because you yourself say that you see women all the time but don't approach. You're not the only one. And you're not noticing all the less attractive women who never get approached.

And we've said it a billion times: a woman's lifestyle will affect her interaction with men in the world. If she's really attractive, if she lives in a city, if she takes public transportation, if she works a customer service job, if she socializes a lot, then yeah, she will get more attention from men in the world. But if she's like you, and she keeps to herself, she doesn't work with people, she drives alone to work, she has female-dominated hobbies, then no, she's not getting "offers" daily, weekly, or even monthly.

For me, personally, I'm not actively trying to date, but I couldn't tell you the last time a stranger approached me to strike up a pleasant conversation. I have no idea if men are looking at me and thinking things, but it certainly hasn't manifested in any kind of tangible outcome.
I thought you were married Fleetie?
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Old 07-14-2016, 11:50 AM
 
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
40,157 posts, read 31,760,799 times
Reputation: 37809
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth View Post
No, you're wrong there; the woman are interested in dating, just like NW Girl. The problem (according to several people on the Seattle and Bay Area forums) is that techies tend to have poor social skills, so they don't approach women. That wouldn't explain why it happens in other contexts though. And (I'm not usually a fan of making sweeping generalizations about an entire demographic group, either.) There must be other factors at work.
I worked for an environmental conservation org in SF (definitely not a techie), and I'll tell you, single available women in the mid 30s to early 40s range were virtually non existent in that area. I was out walking, going to events in the park, doing groups, etc with almost all my free time. Wasteland.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth View Post

I don't know why this myth about women being approached all the time is so persistent. Even they guys who say they assume attractive women are taken or that they don't approach because they don't want to get shot down believe that women are being approached constantly. Who is doing this approaching, if guys tend to believe there's no point in approaching, or it's too risky?
I tend to believe it because of the stories I hear from my lady friends, and when I go out with a female friend if I leave them for 60 seconds and come back as often or not there is some dude there trying to chat her up. Especially true at concerts/shows.
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Old 07-14-2016, 11:54 AM
 
735 posts, read 533,601 times
Reputation: 610
Quote:
Originally Posted by timberline742 View Post
I worked for an environmental conservation org in SF (definitely not a techie), and I'll tell you, single available women in the mid 30s to early 40s range were virtually non existent in that area. I was out walking, going to events in the park, doing groups, etc with almost all my free time. Wasteland.
San Francisco Bay is the most depressing place I've ever been to. I have a bunch of friends who work for tech industry in the bay area and most of them are miserable.
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Old 07-14-2016, 11:54 AM
 
Location: Moreno Valley, Ca
3,521 posts, read 2,068,590 times
Reputation: 7235
Add me to the list of women that do not get approached! I don't go out to bars and things as much as I could I suppose, but I am out and about a lot. I get looked at and stared at, but not approached. The last time it happened out in a very public setting (that I can remember) was when I stopped at a gas station to grab a bottle of water on my way into work. And this was before I moved to Oregon from California over 6 months ago! Oh wait... there was this one man in a bar about 2 months ago. But he was drunk and looking to get laid and I would imagine I was not the only woman he had tried to hit on.
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