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Old 09-20-2016, 04:10 PM
 
5,721 posts, read 5,331,564 times
Reputation: 4368

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Quote:
Originally Posted by green_mariner View Post
And I respect that. I've not personally been called names, but I know of men who have been insulted because of their refusal to date women with children. I'm just going under the idea that it could happen to me. I could get cursed out for not wanted to date a woman with kids. Oddly, women with children have not been interested in me.

In my case, I'm not ready for children NOW. I might be ready later on when I'm better established and prepared for it. Now is not the time for me. And I definitely don't want to date a woman who has had children outside of wedlock(and never got married). There is a reason that often happens. It shows recklessness.

And I get the part about raising someone else's kid. Getting cheated on would be a horrible thing to go through. And it would raise suspicions about the paternity of the child.
I ran into this woman at a club in Vegas about a year ago and this discussion came up because we were talking about being single at our age. I said I would never settle for someone with kids (in so many words) and she got really mad and offended by it.

I think she had a couple of drinks in her and I thought she was ready to start swinging at me. She said at my age I don't have a choice and that's when I said I guarantee you that I do. That's when I told her I was getting serious with a woman from another country that was a good bit younger than me that had no kids. That really sent her over the edge let me tell you... I had to get out of there before it escalated. I'll never forget it. It was inside The Golden Tiki not far from Treasure Island.

Last edited by wanderlust76; 09-20-2016 at 04:20 PM..
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Old 09-20-2016, 04:11 PM
 
9,784 posts, read 4,692,607 times
Reputation: 16538
Quote:
Originally Posted by 49ersfan27 View Post
Usually I get an unamed hate rep comment so this is refreshing.
I don't think anyone has expressed hate for you, that I've noticed. They may not understand you, or disagree with some things you post. Just as anyone else, don't take it personally.

If anyone leaves you an anonymous hate rep, I think you can report it to the mods and they know who sent it. It's still a personal attack.

(but if you still have me blocked I'm talking to myself anyway, heh )
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Old 09-20-2016, 04:14 PM
 
Location: 🇬🇧 In jolly old London! 🇬🇧
15,671 posts, read 10,210,743 times
Reputation: 12484
Quote:
Originally Posted by ratherbcrazycatlady View Post
I don't think anyone has expressed hate for you, that I've noticed. They may not understand you, or disagree with some things you post. Just as anyone else, don't take it personally.

If anyone leaves you an anonymous hate rep, I think you can report it to the mods and they know who sent it. It's still a personal attack.

(but if you still have me blocked I'm talking to myself anyway, heh )
No you're right
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Old 09-20-2016, 11:40 PM
 
2 posts, read 1,125 times
Reputation: 10
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rocky_Raccoon View Post
Well, aside from dating there are other options as well. Have you tried Tinder? It was a revelation for me. I met a 34 year old on it last night. I'm going over to her house in an hour to have lunch and sex. Hopefully she's not a guy. It's almost so easy that I'm having a hard time relating to the guys on this thread who can't at least get a date.
I think you're probably tall and good-looking. Generally, guys that don't fit the traditional mold of attractiveness do not do well online. Certainly, they don't do well with desirable women.

There is TONS of data and studies to back this up.
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Old 09-21-2016, 12:04 AM
 
Location: Jupiter
10,170 posts, read 7,431,622 times
Reputation: 8390
Quote:
Originally Posted by Joefrozac View Post
I think you're probably tall and good-looking. Generally, guys that don't fit the traditional mold of attractiveness do not do well online. Certainly, they don't do well with desirable women.

There is TONS of data and studies to back this up.
Online dating can't be that bad.
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Old 09-21-2016, 12:23 AM
 
2 posts, read 1,125 times
Reputation: 10
Quote:
Originally Posted by 49ersfan27 View Post
Online dating can't be that bad.
Google it. The data is all over the place.
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Old 09-21-2016, 12:54 AM
 
Location: Jupiter
10,170 posts, read 7,431,622 times
Reputation: 8390
Quote:
Originally Posted by Joefrozac View Post
Google it. The data is all over the place.
I was just curious. I have never used it due to me thinking it is a waste of time and would make me look desperate.
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Old 09-21-2016, 07:20 AM
 
1,912 posts, read 1,262,784 times
Reputation: 3230
Quote:
Originally Posted by Joefrozac View Post
Google it. The data is all over the place.
If you are talking about the data that gets posted to these forums over an over again, I think we've all seen it. Those who post it focus in on the fact that good looking people get more messages online (is there really any surprise there)? Good looking women get the most messages of anyone followed by good looking men.

But what people fail to look at is that same data clearly shows that your average Joe and Jane still get messages. Sure, they may get 1 message for every 100 the most gorgeous do, but so what. You can only date so many people. And you can only work with what you have.

I am an average looking woman. I didn't get hundreds of messages like the near-model types do. At the beginning I was bombarded with spam bots, but things settled down within a few weeks. But I got messages and went on dates. So did the men I dated.

From reading posts here, I think the issues lies in people not being satisfied with who is messaging them. Some posters have a sense of entitlement about dating. They have an idea of what they want and if they don't get it, then, instead of adjusting to their situation, they dig in their heels.

I will use me for example. When I started online dating, I had in my head that I wanted a man who was my age, single like me with no kids. I almost never got that. I can remember one message from a guy like that (and that didn't work out... he never would meet me). Who seemed interested (aside from spammers)? I got married men looking for something on the side, men in their 40s looking for a wife to start a family, and divorced guys with kids.

That was who I attracted.

I didn't attract who I wanted to originally or what I had in my head. I got reality. But instead of digging in my heels, I worked with who was interested in me. I worked with who was on my level. No way I was going to be a part of adultery, so I wrote off those guys. I tried dating the men wanting families for a bit, but when they found out we weren't on the same page, those petered out. So then I focused on the single dads. And after a few dozen dates over the course of a couple of years, I found someone perfect for me. He wasn't what I originally imagined would be the perfect guy for me, but it turns out I must have been wrong. I couldn't be happier (and his daughters seem to like me too... and I really enjoy spending time with them as well).

If I had keep my focus too narrow and been too picky, my guess is I'd still be online looking (and frustrated). And I am not talking about standards either. My boyfriend exceeds my "standards" or whatever you want to call that. Simply put, he's a good man. He just wasn't what I originally imagined I might want or where I thought I might look.

I get the feeling based on threads I've read, that what happens when men (and to be fair women) are upset with online dating, it's because they aren't happy with what really ends up being their level in online dating. They aren't getting contacted by the types they originally wanted (or think they deserve). They get so focused on an ideal, rejecting everyone else, that they don't open their minds a little to see who else is out there.

In the end, online dating is a reflection of offline dating. Maybe a bit more "concentrated" or a bit more extreme (if you are appealing to older men offline, you are even more appealing to them online is what I learned. Things like that).
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Old 09-21-2016, 09:37 AM
 
Location: Jupiter
10,170 posts, read 7,431,622 times
Reputation: 8390
Quote:
Originally Posted by BellaLind View Post
If you are talking about the data that gets posted to these forums over an over again, I think we've all seen it. Those who post it focus in on the fact that good looking people get more messages online (is there really any surprise there)? Good looking women get the most messages of anyone followed by good looking men.

But what people fail to look at is that same data clearly shows that your average Joe and Jane still get messages. Sure, they may get 1 message for every 100 the most gorgeous do, but so what. You can only date so many people. And you can only work with what you have.

I am an average looking woman. I didn't get hundreds of messages like the near-model types do. At the beginning I was bombarded with spam bots, but things settled down within a few weeks. But I got messages and went on dates. So did the men I dated.

From reading posts here, I think the issues lies in people not being satisfied with who is messaging them. Some posters have a sense of entitlement about dating. They have an idea of what they want and if they don't get it, then, instead of adjusting to their situation, they dig in their heels.

I will use me for example. When I started online dating, I had in my head that I wanted a man who was my age, single like me with no kids. I almost never got that. I can remember one message from a guy like that (and that didn't work out... he never would meet me). Who seemed interested (aside from spammers)? I got married men looking for something on the side, men in their 40s looking for a wife to start a family, and divorced guys with kids.

That was who I attracted.

I didn't attract who I wanted to originally or what I had in my head. I got reality. But instead of digging in my heels, I worked with who was interested in me. I worked with who was on my level. No way I was going to be a part of adultery, so I wrote off those guys. I tried dating the men wanting families for a bit, but when they found out we weren't on the same page, those petered out. So then I focused on the single dads. And after a few dozen dates over the course of a couple of years, I found someone perfect for me. He wasn't what I originally imagined would be the perfect guy for me, but it turns out I must have been wrong. I couldn't be happier (and his daughters seem to like me too... and I really enjoy spending time with them as well).

If I had keep my focus too narrow and been too picky, my guess is I'd still be online looking (and frustrated). And I am not talking about standards either. My boyfriend exceeds my "standards" or whatever you want to call that. Simply put, he's a good man. He just wasn't what I originally imagined I might want or where I thought I might look.

I get the feeling based on threads I've read, that what happens when men (and to be fair women) are upset with online dating, it's because they aren't happy with what really ends up being their level in online dating. They aren't getting contacted by the types they originally wanted (or think they deserve). They get so focused on an ideal, rejecting everyone else, that they don't open their minds a little to see who else is out there.

In the end, online dating is a reflection of offline dating. Maybe a bit more "concentrated" or a bit more extreme (if you are appealing to older men offline, you are even more appealing to them online is what I learned. Things like that).
Those still seem like bad odds. A lot of men hate online dating and their reasons keep me off of it.
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Old 09-21-2016, 09:44 AM
 
1,912 posts, read 1,262,784 times
Reputation: 3230
Quote:
Originally Posted by 49ersfan27 View Post
Those still seem like bad odds. A lot of men hate online dating and their reasons keep me off of it.
Of course that's their choice. If you don't want to do online dating then don't. I was just saying just because a "hot" man or woman gets 300 messages in a week and an average man or woman only gets 3, that's still 3 more than you would have gotten not being online. I don't know about you but offline I never get hit on three times a week. Maybe three times a month, but not a week.
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