Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I hope the title isn't too ambiguous but I couldn't figure out how to succinctly convey what I mean. What I mean is: looking back in my last 3 relationships, the BF has at one time or another sort of hinted at me doing things or wearing things that really turns them on. For one guy, it was make-up and heeled boots (two things I don't usually wear). Being young (think I was about 23 at the time...well, that's young to me ), I complied to these hints/requests/whatever you want to call them because they're harmless enough and I figured it couldn't hurt to try something new even if it wasn't my usual cup of tea. I did buy some reddish MAC lipstick and (unheeled) boots, and while I continued to wear the boots later on after we broke up, I quickly realized the make-up was not for me and never tried it again.
The current guy has suggested more than once that he is turned on very much by certain types of necklaces, and also corsets/garters and heels (the whole exaggerated femininity thing?) While I'm feminine, I'm not super-girly and am not one to wear much jewellery or lingerie-type things. I have a couple of pairs of heels but only for job interviews and other formal occasions. I don't react or say anything when he brings it up. He says stuff like "I'd love to see you in something like a tight waist-cinching bustier", etc. Anyway, my reactions are somewhat conflicted: on one hand, I'm a pleaser, willing to try out little things for my BF to make him happy...on the other hand, if they go against my natural personality or sense of tastes, I can't help but feel a twinge of resentment, like "aren't I good enough as I am? why try to change me?"
I've never really done anything like this to my BFs, i.e., make suggestions to them about what to wear or what to do to turn me on. I tend to like how they are already and find their tastes and style appealing (otherwise, why would I have gotten with them in the first placce?) I guess maybe it's a male/female brain difference? I've noticed guys tend to find certain things a turn-on no matter who the woman is (i.e., their turn-ons apply across the board to different woman) while with me, my turn-ons tend to be personalized instead of general (something that's a turn-on on one guy isn't on another) and depend on the individual.
I suppose I just wondered if any others had experience with this, either from the male or female side of a relationship. I don't know exactly what to make of this situation or how to react. I feel that getting insulted or hurt might be unnecessary because I'm sure my BF's intentions are harmless but on the other hand I don't want to feel like some sort of passive doll. Is there a fine balance that can be struck here? I just wanted some experienced insight or something. Thanks.
I think it is great he is so open with you. He obviously finds you sexy, and these are just little things to make it more fun. I wish my boyfriend would walk in the door and say "I want to see you in XYZ". He is not trying to change you. He is just telling you what he likes.
Why don't you go shopping together for some new lingerie? I am not super girly, either; I rarely wear makeup, high heels only when I am going out, etc...but I LOVE lingerie! I feel so gorgeous and sexy, even though I can't wear that kind of stuff all the time (work requires sports bra and sneakres). Be open minded and try it out. They don't need to be everyday wear. Just bust it out on occasion.
yeah. i had a couple of guys really like certain body parts on me. one guy really liked my ass and would always talk about it with me like my ass was its own person LOL. we would send each other pictures over the phone (nothing x rated) and he would want me to send him things accentuating my ass (short shorts, tight pants, jeans).
I really wouldn't take it personally. It's a look they want for a momentary treat, not an entire change in your image. That Bettie Page, retro pin-up look is glamorous and sexy. It's a visual perk and we all know that men are visual creatures. But Dita Von Teese doesn't wake up that way. If he requires this to be sexually satisfied with you, then I'd be concerned.
Maybe you could play with it a little and see it as a fun dress up opportunity? If you're comfortable with it, of course.
Yep...I have a couple of get-ups like the one PTC posted above, as a result of a LTR from a year ago. Normally I'd never get into that sort of stuff, but he loved it, and I was fine with it. It was a lot of fun, actually.
One thing I would never go along with though...he had a thing for tight jeans worn with, *gasp*, WHITE pumps! Never in a million years would I wear that - no way, no how.
Yep...I have a couple of get-ups like the one PTC posted above, as a result of a LTR from a year ago. Normally I'd never get into that sort of stuff, but he loved it, and I was fine with it. It was a lot of fun, actually.
One thing I would never go along with though...he had a thing for tight jeans worn with, *gasp*, WHITE pumps! Never in a million years would I wear that - no way, no how.
There are some lines that just shouldn't be crossed.
I
feel that getting insulted or hurt might be unnecessary because I'm sure my BF's intentions are harmless but on the other hand I don't want to feel like some sort of passive doll. Is there a fine balance that can be struck here? I just wanted some experienced insight or something. Thanks.
This, my girlfriend, is your chance to get every thing you have ever wanted (sexually).
Don't be offended. Just pull back deep inside of yourself and ask "what have I been missing?"
Do you want more foreplay? More oral? Dress up the way he has hinted will turn him on and just tease him a bit.
Do you have any fantasies? Bad Cop. Fire Man. Shaved. What ever. This is your chance to ask (bargain) for similar "play" in the bedroom.
Hehe. Thanks for putting a new spin on this for me. You gals are right -- I shouldn't take it personally/seriously and just have fun with it. Lesson learned: succumbing to our subconscious biological desires doesn't conflicts with the way we feel about someone emotionally/rationally
Quote:
Originally Posted by PassTheChocolate
If he requires this to be sexually satisfied with you, then I'd be concerned.
Nah, they're nowhere near broaching the fetish arena, just visually stimulating add-ons, I guess
My husband has got the crazy idea he wants to tie me up or handcuff me. Every now and then he brings it up. I tell him to FORGET IT. The idea is offputting and it upsets me. It makes him mad, and he calls me boring, which in turn makes me mad. Anyhoo, after more than 10 years of marriage, it has never happened and I intend to keep it that way.
My ex husband had a thing for thigh highs.... that was much easier to keep him happy on occasion.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
), I complied to these hints/requests/whatever you want to call them because they're harmless enough and I figured it couldn't hurt to try something new even if it wasn't my usual cup of tea. I did buy some reddish MAC lipstick and (unheeled) boots, and while I continued to wear the boots later on after we broke up, I quickly realized the make-up was not for me and never tried it again.
Never in a million years would I wear that - no way, no how.
