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Old 08-14-2009, 07:27 AM
 
2,179 posts, read 4,993,296 times
Reputation: 996

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i am sure most of you have heard it and i probably have too, but something in her voice and the details she gave me made it matter more. i told her how i have made an effort into being social to date and meet a guy this summer and how it just didnt get me anywhere. i said im exhausted from it, and how at times it can be expensive. i told her after that night at the lounge with my friends that im giving up the effort aspect of meeting someone. she was older than me maybe in her late 20s/early 30s (i am not good with figuring out peoples' ages) and she told me to never stop making an effort. she said that dating should be fun, but yeah, a lot of times it isnt. she then said think about this that for every 25 dates (or whatever number she gave) you might go one that never go beyond a first or 2nd, on your 26th you might meet someone that you really end up liking. she then added (this is the part that really made it clear to me) that when you meet that 26th, it all makes it worth the struggles of going through the first 25 dates.

even if i end up tossing out her advice in the long run, she gave me her card and said she would love to hear from me again and meet up sometime. her card reads "attorney at law" so at least if i need legal advice i can go to her lol.
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Old 08-14-2009, 07:37 AM
 
Location: Bradenton, Florida
27,232 posts, read 46,698,570 times
Reputation: 11089
The saw I've heard is that when you stop looking for love, love finds you.
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Old 08-14-2009, 07:39 AM
 
2,179 posts, read 4,993,296 times
Reputation: 996
Quote:
Originally Posted by TKramar View Post
The saw I've heard is that when you stop looking for love, love finds you.
i usually stop looking for love most of the year lol. i make more an effort in the summer because i then have more time to actually go to places and stuff because my work hours are limited as well as my class schedule.

ive heard most people say that, and then a minority say its complete bs. i am in the bs minority. yes sometimes you could just meet someone when you arent looking, and sometimes you could meet someone when you arent.
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Old 08-14-2009, 07:46 AM
 
76 posts, read 190,598 times
Reputation: 68
I've never "looked" for a relationship.

I'm in the let it happen boat. Dating for the sake of dating is overrated in my books and causes to much unnecessary stress. I know that's where society has come and dating/the game is the norm. I hate it; the chase, the games, the "rules". It's f'd up.

Big city life is not so simple. I envy folks who get to grow up in tight knit communities.

Call me old fashioned I guess.
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Old 08-14-2009, 07:55 AM
 
2,191 posts, read 4,811,346 times
Reputation: 2308
I dont know about that "if you stop looking it will find you" business. I've been single and not looking for the last 14 years and I'm still single.

As far as the attorney business she's going to encourage you to get married then shortly after divorced because she wants to represent you in court. Business, nothing personal of course.
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Old 08-14-2009, 08:19 AM
 
78,552 posts, read 60,762,573 times
Reputation: 49876
Quote:
Originally Posted by Naomi Manischewitz View Post
i am sure most of you have heard it and i probably have too, but something in her voice and the details she gave me made it matter more. i told her how i have made an effort into being social to date and meet a guy this summer and how it just didnt get me anywhere. i said im exhausted from it, and how at times it can be expensive. i told her after that night at the lounge with my friends that im giving up the effort aspect of meeting someone. she was older than me maybe in her late 20s/early 30s (i am not good with figuring out peoples' ages) and she told me to never stop making an effort. she said that dating should be fun, but yeah, a lot of times it isnt. she then said think about this that for every 25 dates (or whatever number she gave) you might go one that never go beyond a first or 2nd, on your 26th you might meet someone that you really end up liking. she then added (this is the part that really made it clear to me) that when you meet that 26th, it all makes it worth the struggles of going through the first 25 dates.

even if i end up tossing out her advice in the long run, she gave me her card and said she would love to hear from me again and meet up sometime. her card reads "attorney at law" so at least if i need legal advice i can go to her lol.
Ok, dating is like fishing....if you want to catch a Marlin you need to fish in the ocean...not a lake etc etc. With that said it's important to make an efficient use of your time.

It sounds like you are looking for *someone special*, so why are you out at clubs and lounges? Those are mostly meat markets.

I'd sit down and make a list of what you want and are looking for and WHERE the best place to meet those people are. My college buddy spent years trying to find "miss right" at hooters, bars etc. and is still single and almost 40. He kept finding "miss mental case", "Ms. addict", "Ms. Gold-digger"...

It sounds like something you *want*, I've been there, it's difficult. Regroup and PLAN a strategy. I'd ask for advice from friends etc. on that planning.
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Old 08-14-2009, 08:24 AM
 
Location: Bradenton, Florida
27,232 posts, read 46,698,570 times
Reputation: 11089
When I obsess over it, it doesn't come to me. When I ignore it, it comes to me on a silver platter. Being at ease usually sparks more interest than Type A behavior.
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Old 08-14-2009, 08:43 AM
 
Location: Houston, TX
17,029 posts, read 30,954,873 times
Reputation: 16265
You would be surprised at what you find when you are doing activities that you like or volunteering for church or charity.
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Old 08-14-2009, 09:05 AM
 
28,895 posts, read 54,212,245 times
Reputation: 46685
Quote:
Originally Posted by TKramar View Post
The saw I've heard is that when you stop looking for love, love finds you.
Yep. And you miss 100% of the shots you don't take, too.

Here's the thing, Naomi. If the dating thing is exhausting, then you should look at it differently. Start thinking in terms of quality, not quantity. What's more, you should take a look at those unexpected guys who don't fit your profile 100%, but are really worthwhile.

For a while, I dated basically the same type of woman over and over again. Finally, I got tired of it and took a sabbatical. And before I got back to dating, I thought about what all those women had in common, and then vowed to not date a woman like that again.

Bingo. I met my wife a few weeks later. She was nothing like the women I had customarily dated. We were married 10 months after meeting.
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Old 08-14-2009, 09:54 AM
 
Location: Texas
14,076 posts, read 20,550,814 times
Reputation: 7807
Girls! Do the math!

Women outnumber men in this country roughly 52% to 48%. That means AT LEAST 4% of you will NEVER find a mate, no matter how hard you look or don't look. Add in the 10-20% of males who are gay (minus the 3-5% of women who are lesbians) and the result is clear:

Some of y'all are just gonna have to learn to share!
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