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The "taking charge" thread reminded me of an old boyfriend. Not sure if this is a disorder, but it used to drive me nuts. I'll give a couple of examples:
1) I would get a list together to go to the store and ask him if he'd like to go; he usually did. Once he made that decision, he was in the shower and wanted to leave NOW because he needs to get out and he's going batty.
One particular day, he decided we should have a snack before we shopped. This was fine with me; it's a bad idea to shop when you're hungry and they have a great hot food section. They were out of pizza. He didn't want to wait so we proceeded to shop and decided to eat afterwards.
He goes running around the entire store, I have to hunt him down half the time. I'm not even finished shopping when he decides we need to get out of there because he wants to go home.
2) Another time I was out of town and he was supposed to come meet me. The night before, he was working on his car and decided it wasn't worth the work. He was going to take it into the shop and have it fixed at a later date. The next day, he decides he's going to go ahead and finish it after work. We planned on going to dinner (I was 2 hours away) but he didn't get there until 10 pm.
It seems he'd get his mind stuck on something and it had to be done yesterday. He'd drop whatever he was doing and obsess over it. It didn't matter what plans we had or how much he delayed us when we did. If we didn't have plans, he'd spring things on me at the last minute and expect me to a) be willing to do it and b) be willing to do it NOW. I'm not talking spontenaity, that's fine. This was over the top.
Impatience isn't the same as not being able to make up your mind...
Not being able to make up your mind would be like not being able to decide between Domino's and KFC for dinner, expecting your partner to make the decision, and then not being satisfied with their choice.
But, hey, at least they were able to choose! If you want an input, you have to make a decision or two--or you shouldn't complain.
per you OP making up his mind does not seem to be a problem.
he wants food he wants the car to work. usual normal stuff for a guy.
he does in fact have focus. the problem is its not where you want it to be.
Sorta like that...
My hubby says I make all the decisions but he will not make even little ones..If I say I don't care he will just say he doesn't and finally I have to decide.
Example..coming home from running errands with him..
me "we need to grab some milk from the grocery store on the way home"
him" which store do you want to go to"
me" which ever is easiest to pull into to" (not knowing which route he is going to take home)
him" well it isn't like I am going to carry you there on my back..all I do is push the gas petal"
me " you know what I mean..any store you pass is fine"
him" just tell me where you want to go"
me (just to make him choose) "doesn't matter"
Heh, I had a situation a little like this. The two nearest stores were about the same distance away. So either was good. Except that the choice wasn't hard. One was easier to walk to, and the other was easier to drive to.
Impatience isn't the same as not being able to make up your mind...
Not being able to make up your mind would be like not being able to decide between Domino's and KFC for dinner, expecting your partner to make the decision, and then not being satisfied with their choice.
But, hey, at least they were able to choose! If you want an input, you have to make a decision or two--or you shouldn't complain.
I have to make a decision or two? Where did I ask for "input"? I'd love to know how you managed to extract both of those from what I wrote.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Huckleberry3911948
per you OP making up his mind does not seem to be a problem. he wants food he wants the car to work. usual normal stuff for a guy. he does in fact have focus. the problem is its not where you want it to be.
So this is a control issue on my end....lol. Where would I want it to be? I didn't have a problem with him fixing the car or wanting food. Come on, now.
Perhaps the main issue is not so much not being able to make up his mind, though going back and forth several times before he does is a problem with making up his mind. Impatience and poor impulse is the root of it. I still don't get how I contributed, but I'm not surpised....lol.
A lot of men are impatient and that's why I try not to take my boyfriend with me when I go shopping.
Otherwise, it sound like your ex had some sort of attention deficit disorder.
He actually loved to shop, which was why I'd invite him. After a few trips, I started telling him I was in no rush. He shouldn't be either or he should stay home. He'd go and still run the same routine, every time. I finally stopped inviting him.
I do agree he might have had some attention deficit.
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