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A discussion thread for Marriage and Relationships…
Love is the most profound emotion known to man. For most people, romantic relationships are the most meaningful element in their lives. But the ability to have a healthy, loving relationship is not basic. Almost all of us have experienced a failed relationship, and most of us have to labor very hard to master the skills necessary to make our relationships work. We can blend as well as clash.
The good news is, that with effort and perseverance, we can learn what we need to know to make our relationships last
Without doubt, there are big problems that afflict relationships; infidelity, abuse, and addiction, co-dependency, etc. Today, a highly sexualized society forms an alluring reverberation of commotion in our lives…
Do you care about societie's trends?
How do they affect you and your relationship?
It also may be the petty problems that undermines love most profoundly .
i.e. The dirty socks on the floor.
The way our partner chews so loudly & with their mouth open.
Like the relentless drip of a leaky faucet, they erode the goodwill that underlies all relationships.
Before you know it, you feel unloved, unheard, and underappreciated, if not criticized. Intimacy becomes a pale memory
I thought it would be interesting for this thread to be open for anyone who wishes to participate, with both the positive and negative sides of marriage/relationships, express what we have learned, our paramount moments, as well as our defeats…which every couple goes through and develops from…
Some open Questions:
What do you do for your relationship?
Which in turn enhances both of you?
How do you handle those little Habits your spouse has that drives you nuts and what are they? (If You'd Like to Share)
This is pretty much an open thread for your marriage relationship…share your ups, downs, in-betweens, questions, and how you got thru the hard times…
Did you find the hard times brought you closer together?
I believe the bad times in our lives, no matter how bad, are definitely a necessity/tool in our growth & development, as adults…if we wouldn't know the bad times, how would we identify joy
So, come on in, kick off your shoes and lets share and learn together…
Lovesboating...I know you have some profound insight to share!
Love is the thing that brings couples together, but it's not solely what keeps them together.
I think successful relationships are a combination of love, physical attraction, respect for one another and ability/willingness to compromise. Without just one of these ingrediants the relationship will not be a fulfilling successful one.
Relationships and even love appeal a lot more to women than men, on average. This is something that so many women rarely get.
It's all an abstraction built on this adolescent truth: girls fantasize about a "perfect" husband (and home and children frequently); boys just want to get laid - often with as many attractive girls as possible.
Love does NOT bring people together nearly as much as is romanticized. Women seek relationships and bonding; men moreso want sex with an attractive woman.
I do here make an important distinction between infatuation and love. Men are more likely to be just (temporarily) infatuated with a woman in addition to lusting after her - but they tend to not have huge mental projections of years ahead; they live for today or the near term.
Men hold almost all the cards on relationship and love giving; women hold almost all the cards on sex.
Men's sex drive and frustrations tend to lead them to domestication as a compromise but it's typically a half-satisfactory state because the desire to have novel sex with new women is always there. To a degree, guys have to compromise this by buying into various social narratives that come from religion or family pressures and default cultural expectations. For most guys, it's also just not easy to appeal to attractive women for casual sex- to get what they want.
The important lesson for men to realize, especially as they get older, is just how much power they have in their ability to give (or withold) love and "relationship" to a woman. Women, on average, are constantly looking to capture a man's loyal and persistent affections. As women age, especially after 30, they begin to lose their appeal and the sex ratio imbalance leaves them progressively further behind.
Qualifier: there are always individual exceptions to everything I've written above, but its very exceptionality proves the rules.
Relationships and even love appeal a lot more to women than men, on average. This is something that so many women rarely get.
It's all an abstraction built on this adolescent truth: girls fantasize about a "perfect" husband (and home and children frequently); boys just want to get laid - often with as many attractive girls as possible.
Love does NOT bring people together nearly as much as is romanticized. Women seek relationships and bonding; men moreso want sex with an attractive woman.
I do here make an important distinction between infatuation and love. Men are more likely to be just (temporarily) infatuated with a woman in addition to lusting after her - but they tend to not have huge mental projections of years ahead; they live for today or the near term.
Men hold almost all the cards on relationship and love giving; women hold almost all the cards on sex.
Men's sex drive and frustrations tend to lead them to domestication as a compromise but it's typically a half-satisfactory state because the desire to have novel sex with new women is always there. To a degree, guys have to compromise this by buying into various social narratives that come from religion or family pressures and default cultural expectations. For most guys, it's also just not easy to appeal to attractive women for casual sex- to get what they want.
The important lesson for men to realize, especially as they get older, is just how much power they have in their ability to give (or withold) love and "relationship" to a woman. Women, on average, are constantly looking to capture a man's loyal and persistent affections. As women age, especially after 30, they begin to lose their appeal and the sex ratio imbalance leaves them progressively further behind.
Qualifier: there are always individual exceptions to everything I've written above, but its very exceptionality proves the rules.
Not sure if you are just really young and inexperienced, or older and cynical from personal experience?
Either way, you don't understand men very well. The reality is, as we age men need women and suffer less fulfilling lives without them than the other way around.
Not sure if you are just really young and inexperienced, or older and cynical from personal experience?
Either way, you don't understand men very well. The reality is, as we age men need women and suffer less fulfilling lives without them than the other way around.
Men do tend to suffer more extreme mental ills and vices that might be tempered if they were with a woman who kept them (in effect) in line, but this is a small minority.
There are an awful lot of married men who become little more than house eunuchs. I'd say in my observation as a 40 year old male, around 50% of married men become this after 10+ years of marriage.
Love is the thing that brings couples together, but it's not solely what keeps them together.
I think successful relationships are a combination of love, physical attraction, respect for one another and ability/willingness to compromise. Without just one of these ingrediants the relationship will not be a fulfilling successful one.
very good post...always love to read you...tried to give you reps, but you know the story?
What your talking about it maturity and the ability to understand one anothers needs, to enhance each other...
Relationships and even love appeal a lot more to women than men, on average. This is something that so many women rarely get.
It's all an abstraction built on this adolescent truth: girls fantasize about a "perfect" husband (and home and children frequently); boys just want to get laid - often with as many attractive girls as possible.
Love does NOT bring people together nearly as much as is romanticized. Women seek relationships and bonding; men moreso want sex with an attractive woman.
I do here make an important distinction between infatuation and love. Men are more likely to be just (temporarily) infatuated with a woman in addition to lusting after her - but they tend to not have huge mental projections of years ahead; they live for today or the near term.
Men hold almost all the cards on relationship and love giving; women hold almost all the cards on sex.
Men's sex drive and frustrations tend to lead them to domestication as a compromise but it's typically a half-satisfactory state because the desire to have novel sex with new women is always there. To a degree, guys have to compromise this by buying into various social narratives that come from religion or family pressures and default cultural expectations. For most guys, it's also just not easy to appeal to attractive women for casual sex- to get what they want.
The important lesson for men to realize, especially as they get older, is just how much power they have in their ability to give (or withold) love and "relationship" to a woman. Women, on average, are constantly looking to capture a man's loyal and persistent affections. As women age, especially after 30, they begin to lose their appeal and the sex ratio imbalance leaves them progressively further behind.
Qualifier: there are always individual exceptions to everything I've written above, but its very exceptionality proves the rules.
I tend to agree with you to a degree, but there are some men out there who are emotionally mature, and realize there is more to love then just sex...perhaps not the majority, but they are out there....Loved your last paragraph..
Men do tend to suffer more extreme mental ills and vices that might be tempered if they were with a woman who kept them (in effect) in line, but this is a small minority.
There are an awful lot of married men who become little more than house eunuchs. I'd say in my observation as a 40 year old male, around 50% of married men become this after 10+ years of marriage.
That would definately be the case where the woman "wears the pants" in the family. Not sure how common this is in marrage today. If the marriage was not like this, and based on a equal and respecting nature I do not think your statement is correct. But who knows, I do know a lot of men do and have suffered to their controlling, demanding and nagging wives!
very good post...always love to read you...tried to give you reps, but you know the story?
What your talking about it maturity and the ability to understand one anothers needs, to enhance each other...
I agree with you....
Thanks creme You are right, enhancing and building one another up is what it's all about!
Recently my husband and I were on opposite sides of situation that effected us both tremendously. For me, it was moral issue - something I simply could not budge on. For him, it was more an issue of practicality and inconvenience. Things were tense for a day or so. I was distraught over the whole thing and felt really badly to be at such odds with him. Then I got this message from him on my voicemail -
"honey, we are a team. Your choices are my choices when they mean this much to you, go ahead and do what you need to do".
His ability to step away from his preferences when he knew I could not step away from mine was amazing. To be sure, I've done the same for him at other times in our lives - it's just so awesome to me to witness it time and time again.
I think the most underrated aspect of a successful marriage is laughter. I know when my husband and I have been in our darkest hours: financial stress, medical crisis, problems with the kids, whatever. It has been our ability to still laugh that has made the difference. No one in the whole world can change my outlook on life more than my husband. One small inside joke and the stress just melts away, even if its only for a brief moment.
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You are right, enhancing and building one another up is what it's all about!
