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Celibacy and lots and lots of girls (dudes for you) nights out. I tend to replace guys with other guys which really wasn't healthy at all. I broke up with a guy recently and decided to do the opposite. I feel great and i'm over him emotionally, and not just physically. Oh, and watch TONS of Sex and the City. I won't tell anyone.
You do grieve when you lose someone whether it is through death or divorce. The one thing I agree with is you have to learn to be you again.
Definitely agree with this. Give yourself time...LOTS and LOTS of time. Don't be too quick to jump back into a new relationship, although it may be tempting. Learn how to be happy on your own. Start keeping a journal, and pour your emotions onto the written page. In a year, you'll be surprised at how much growth you've experienced as you look back at what you've written.
I think we've already established you're my kind of psycho so no surprise that I agree.
I think it is the simple things.
I think the simple things are sign posts that start you on a new path.
The fact that you're at the end of a cycle (the end of the relationship) means you're already open to a new direction it's just following which shiny thing or sign post has the brightest neon sign for you and seeing where it takes you.
AND I think that one of the things that comes along with endings is an openess or more of a willingness to "risk" or change, be that through choice or not.
Endings have you examining what is and searching for new beginnings.
I have always found the best beginnings start from very simple things.
And now I gotta go contemplate my navel before I get too existential for my own good and accidently blow my head up with too much thinking.
That's exactly it...
Back to the cat, endings are only the beginnings of something else. I'll quote Moonie once more, "Endings have you examining what is and searching for new beginnings." <--That's an excellent line.. they need a T-shirt that says that.
Ya never knows whats just around the corner..
(And I wonder what exactly it was that MS found in her navel.. )
I think you just have to take time to let go of what was and the dreams that were going to be. When I was with some one, we had lots of plans, well I thought WE did. I had to take some time to face the fact that none of it was going to happen. Then figure out what you want, learn something ballroom dancing, or do something jump from a plane. Find out what YOU want, then go for it. It takes time, but you learn to live for YOU and not for WE.
I think you already are doing that - maybe it just doesn't seem that way yet. Your friends here are correct - break-ups can often be like a death; you have to go through a few of the stages of grief...and then tell yourself to get up out of the quicksand and get moving. ( Believe me - I know: easier said than done!)
Take a hike some place where you can let your mind go. Take your kids somewhere fun and silly for a few hours, and be a kid with them. Remind yourself
that every day is a new chance...that all around you are souls who have to endure their own pain...and every new day is a new chance for them too.
Not to compare or contrast your pain to theirs; but to take comfort in the notion that rising above the hurt does happen.
One thing I did this summer that was totally therapeutic was to go camping by myself--and I'm a woman. It was wonderful to just get out in nature and open up and start planning and I even went kayaking by myself one day, which I thoroughly recommend. I stayed gone for 4 nights and it seemed like it just really helped. I wasn't alone too much either b/c I met some nice people to talk to at the campground. Hang in there Mr. Cat--it really does get better.
I started by jumping into a rebound. *shrugs* Worked for me. For a bit. Then I grieved. Then I rebounded again. Grieved. Then he just wore out of my system. Hobbies did not work, extra activities did not work and absorbing myself into work did not work - it only acted as a band aid. One year later now, after I processed 20 years. . I barely think about him at all. A lot of people told me that it would take one year to every 5 years invested in the relationship/marriage to process it all. . nope! What it actually took was for that one guy to come along that I had romantic feelings for (rebound #2, the last boyfriend). Now I am involved with someone new and my ex-hubs could not be further from my mind.
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