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Old 08-18-2009, 04:19 PM
 
18,270 posts, read 14,396,687 times
Reputation: 12985

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Quote:
Originally Posted by JeepGirl118 View Post
I started by jumping into a rebound. *shrugs* Worked for me. For a bit. Then I grieved. Then I rebounded again. Grieved. Then he just wore out of my system. Hobbies did not work, extra activities did not work and absorbing myself into work did not work - it only acted as a band aid. One year later now, after I processed 20 years. . I barely think about him at all. A lot of people told me that it would take one year to every 5 years invested in the relationship/marriage to process it all. . nope! What it actually took was for that one guy to come along that I had romantic feelings for (rebound #2, the last boyfriend). Now I am involved with someone new and my ex-hubs could not be further from my mind.
I totally agree with this post. Nothing like a rebound for some of us.
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Old 08-18-2009, 04:28 PM
 
Location: East Valley, AZ
3,849 posts, read 9,409,117 times
Reputation: 4021
Quote:
Originally Posted by MAtheBanker View Post
Go find yourself a rebound
Quote:
Originally Posted by JeepGirl118 View Post
I started by jumping into a rebound. *shrugs* Worked for me. For a bit. Then I grieved. Then I rebounded again. Grieved. Then he just wore out of my system. Hobbies did not work, extra activities did not work and absorbing myself into work did not work - it only acted as a band aid. One year later now, after I processed 20 years. . I barely think about him at all. A lot of people told me that it would take one year to every 5 years invested in the relationship/marriage to process it all. . nope! What it actually took was for that one guy to come along that I had romantic feelings for (rebound #2, the last boyfriend). Now I am involved with someone new and my ex-hubs could not be further from my mind.
Ya know, we REALLY need to stop this agreeing thing...
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Old 08-18-2009, 10:46 PM
 
9,846 posts, read 22,630,572 times
Reputation: 7738
One issue I tend to see with a lot of this is how people often overanalyze these situations.

Perhaps I have a different take, but once you grasp how fragile life is and how short it is and especially how few years you have in your physical and mental prime, it adjusts a number of things.

Part of it is recognizing your individual value as a person. Unfortunately there are a lot of codependents out there that lack self esteem and self worth. People often get trapped into basing their happyness on the ups and downs of their relationships. You've got to step off that roller coaster and find some individual worth in yourself.
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Old 08-18-2009, 10:56 PM
 
Location: Northern NH
4,550 posts, read 11,677,650 times
Reputation: 3873
Get a new hat.
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Old 08-18-2009, 11:25 PM
 
18,270 posts, read 14,396,687 times
Reputation: 12985
Quote:
Originally Posted by wanneroo View Post
One issue I tend to see with a lot of this is how people often overanalyze these situations.

Perhaps I have a different take, but once you grasp how fragile life is and how short it is and especially how few years you have in your physical and mental prime, it adjusts a number of things.

Part of it is recognizing your individual value as a person. Unfortunately there are a lot of codependents out there that lack self esteem and self worth. People often get trapped into basing their happyness on the ups and downs of their relationships. You've got to step off that roller coaster and find some individual worth in yourself.
I have self esteem and self worth. For me getting a rebound is not about that at all. Its about something completely different. Way different. I know you weren't saying that I was . But I just wanted to clarify.
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Old 08-19-2009, 12:09 AM
 
9,846 posts, read 22,630,572 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by temptation001 View Post
I have self esteem and self worth. For me getting a rebound is not about that at all. Its about something completely different. Way different. I know you weren't saying that I was . But I just wanted to clarify.
I wasn't pointing fingers at anyone in particular or saying everyone is a codependent. But there are a fair few people out there that are and if you require so much thought, effort, processing, whatever to move on with life after a break up, then I think one should pause and take a look outside themselves at what they are doing.

I would say the same with "rebounding". Personally I think it's a great part of moving on with life to find and meet new people and then perhaps enter into friendships or romantic relationships with. However if you are using rebounding to fill a void or need in yourself, i.e. you can't exist without a relationship, then yes I think one needs help for codependency or one has issues with self esteem or self worth.
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Old 08-19-2009, 07:23 PM
 
9,912 posts, read 13,880,232 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by UrbanBlasphemy View Post
...(And I wonder what exactly it was that MS found in her navel.. )
Thankfully....nothing!
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Old 08-19-2009, 09:13 PM
 
Location: somewhere south of Canada
2,163 posts, read 4,334,947 times
Reputation: 2581
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr.Cat View Post
How do you begin the process? Any ideas?
It took me two years and a move to another state.

I'm happier now than I've ever been, but damn that first year really sucked. If it hadn't been for my "rebound relationship" that I jumped into I honestly don't know if I would have survived it. Mr. Rebound was a rock while I was a complete gushy mess. I managed to hide my real feelings while I was around rebound-guy, but in the end the timing was just not right. Of course, I had the added stress of living in Hell, AZ and having an a-hole for a boss, and no friends in town. Moving away from those people and those memories was the best thing I ever did.

I know that moving isn't an option for you because of your kids, but finding and developing your own interests and friends will be key. You need a life that doesn't include the ex except when necessary.

Get out and enjoy life as much as possible. Over time it will get easier.
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Old 08-19-2009, 11:17 PM
 
Location: Arkansas
2,383 posts, read 6,050,546 times
Reputation: 1141
Quote:
Originally Posted by Oildog View Post
Hard to say we are all wired differently, I was emotionally numb for a few months, just concentrated on work...and finding a new job. I guess that was my outlet, making some positive changes elsewhere in my life. Better job, better shape, more schooling, something like that...its one of the things you have some control over. Before I knew it three years had gone by. I really didnt date until then.
I'm with Oildog. When I was going through my divorce, I had to refocus on myself. You have to do some soul searching and really figure out who you are and who you want to be. Everything else will fall into place. I dated but did not get involved in any serious relationships for four years. That was the amount of time I needed to get back on my feet and in the right place and right frame of mind!

Good luck Mr. Cat!!!
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Old 08-20-2009, 03:29 AM
 
Location: Tennessee
16,224 posts, read 25,622,012 times
Reputation: 24104
If there is no chance for where things stand, you hold your head up, and look towards the future, one day at a time.
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