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Old 08-19-2009, 05:54 PM
 
Location: Middle America
37,409 posts, read 53,314,997 times
Reputation: 53066

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I think it's pretty archaic that wedding gifts are still seen as "helping a young couple set up housekeeping." Face it, in all but the most small-town, throwback-y areas (such as where I grew up, where people still regularly get married at 18 or younger), most people have lived on their own or with roommates or with an SO long before they get married, and have already "set up housekeeping." Not everyone gets married, be it first or second, third, etc. marriage as a young person with no belongings. Does this mean gifts to commemorate the occasion aren't appropriate? Wedding gifts are solely the property of the young? Seems odd.

That said, I'm not a big fan of household goods as wedding gifts in general, regardless of what marriage it is, or the age of the couple. Why should I be? I accumulated all my household goods over years of living on my own as a single person, I don't need them at a wedding. If people want to give gifts at my wedding, I'd rather they be of some other nature, something more personally meaningful.
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Old 08-19-2009, 05:55 PM
 
Location: Bon Temps
1,741 posts, read 4,564,153 times
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The second time around I didn't register.... still got some gifts, and they were greatly appreciated. Didn't actually have a shower the second time around, some people just showed up bearing gifts. As far as the wearing white... oh why not.
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Old 08-19-2009, 10:02 PM
 
1,322 posts, read 2,408,321 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tzaphkiel View Post
sounds greedy and opportunistic to me

the thought behind household gifts for a new couple is they are just setting up a household
someone in the world and in their own household for decades, already has a household set up

people can bring gifts voluntarily, certainly, as in the celebration of any happy occasion
but telling people to contribute gifts specific to a "registry" seems to me greedy and bossy and demanding, which I do not respond well to

a gift is something freely given, not something ordered and demanded by the person receiving it
I actually agree with this..

Most people will bring gifts anyway, just out of tradition, so beyond what was already said, I don't think there's any need to worry about this.

And yeah, actually going out and doing a registry is a bit over the top.. but to each their own.
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Old 08-19-2009, 10:29 PM
 
11,865 posts, read 16,954,697 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Florida15 View Post
We covered the question should a woman wear white at a second wedding. What about having a shower and registering at a store for people to buy gifts as if it were your first marriage? I'm talking about a woman that was married to her first husband for twenty years and is forty years old.....not a young person divorced or left alone because of death,tragedy,etc. Does this seem right?
Something about this question doesn't sit right with me.

If this person is a friend, then I would assume - or hope - that you would be happy enough for her finding love again that you would look beyond your own idea of what is right and wrong in celebration.

Because she married the wrong person the first time, she's not allowed to have a shower and some fun for the second try?? Because she's 40 - god forbid - she doesn't deserve a shower?

It's very sad that someone would think that way.
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Old 08-19-2009, 11:03 PM
 
Location: Colorado Springs, CO
1,570 posts, read 5,972,017 times
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NO. Expecting gifts for a second marriage is out of line. I guess an exception could be made if the couple is very poor - or something to that effect.

Wedding gifts are to help a young couple set up household. Usually 2 marriage weddings will even state "no gifts" on the invite - or maybe suggest a charity.
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Old 08-20-2009, 06:56 AM
 
698 posts, read 3,257,765 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by spinx View Post
Something about this question doesn't sit right with me.

If this person is a friend, then I would assume - or hope - that you would be happy enough for her finding love again that you would look beyond your own idea of what is right and wrong in celebration.

Because she married the wrong person the first time, she's not allowed to have a shower and some fun for the second try?? Because she's 40 - god forbid - she doesn't deserve a shower?

It's very sad that someone would think that way.
There was something about going and setting up a registry like it was your first wedding that didn't sit right with me. That's why I was asking other opinions to see if I was wrong to feel that this was out of line. The only reason I even mentioned her age was so you would know she wasn't just starting out. Some people don't get married until that age now days....it has nothing to do with being 40....it's having been on her own and being married before for 20 years. It just doesn't seem appropriate or right to me.???????
I am happy that she found love again and I intend to celebrate with her. I've been there myself,but I certainly didn't have another shower or go set up a registry for gifts. It never even crossed my mind to do that.
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Old 08-20-2009, 07:47 PM
miu
 
Location: MA/NH
17,764 posts, read 40,041,951 times
Reputation: 18067
Quote:
Originally Posted by MMichelle View Post
NO. Expecting gifts for a second marriage is out of line. I guess an exception could be made if the couple is very poor - or something to that effect.

Wedding gifts are to help a young couple set up household. Usually 2 marriage weddings will even state "no gifts" on the invite - or maybe suggest a charity.
So... if you were invited to someone's second marriage, you'd feel comfortable not giving the couple any gift at all? Even if it was a fancy and expensive shindig?

When my boyfriend's mom got married for the second time, she didn't register at any stores. But everyone gave gifts ranging from a couple of bottles of nice wine up to a free two weeks stay at a friend's bed and breakfast inn in Ireland. And at his dad's second wedding, a bunch of his friends gave toasters as a joke, but with a real gift inside like a gift certificate to a really nice local restaurant.

I think that it's an honor to be invited to the festivities, and hosting a wedding get together ain't cheap. Many people feel that a good rule of thumb for the value of the gift is to be at least as much as one guesses the per person cost of the reception and dinner. Bringing a plus one? Then multiply it by two.

If you don't care enough for the couple to give them a nice wedding gift, then just decline the invitation. Most people welcome the chance to attend such a joyous occasion being surrounded by family and/or mutual friends, getting all dressed up and the food is usually great.

And for a second wedding, I don't see what's wrong with a gift registry. Some guests appreciate having a registry available in case they don't have time to shop for something more unique and special. I think that I'd register at Williams Sonoma...
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Old 08-20-2009, 07:53 PM
 
Location: CA
3,467 posts, read 8,123,623 times
Reputation: 4840
I think registering makes sense because most people will want to buy you a gift as a part of the celebration, and if they have been married and are older, then there's really a danger of buying them something they already have. A registration is just a suggestion for those who want gift ideas, not a demand for gifts.

Plus, if it's been 20 years since their last wedding, maybe they actually do need some new dishes by now.
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