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I've been seeing a woman for the better part of five years now with no marriage yet. I know, I may be afraid of commitment. It is just that I am happy with the way things are now and I am scared of losing what I've gained. Also, we've all heard the term why buy the cow when the milk's free.
At least twice a week she jokes about how we're not married yet. All light-hearted but she's consistent with it. I have to give her that.
I think the number one thing that annoys me, or scares me, is that she keeps on bringing up the subject of money, particularly my money. This is where it gets really crazy! I make up how much I spend. Not what you think here. I make up that I spend more than I actually do! She knows I do alright but can't seem to add up in her head why I only have 15k in savings.
Like I'll get a credit card bill, open it up and gasp that it is $2400! I won't show her but in reality, it might be $600 at best. I have money in two banks. One is just savings/checking (15k) and the other holds the vast majority of my holdings/investment interests.
She on the other hand has about no savings, currently unemployed and really is not bringing anything to the table here. She's not a bum, she looks for work every day, there's just not too much out there around these parts. Hard worker and she works when there is work, but there's just nothing out there now. In all honesty, I think she's hinting at taking the housewife/sah-mom route. That's cool but we don't have to get married, right? If things don't work out, I'd rather just anty up the child support than split everything plus pay the support. Am I wrong here?
I just don't see anything positive coming from marriage except for tax reasons. We've been together for five years and the initial mad lust is gone. It is already like we're married. I care for her, am loyal to her and love her. Every once in awhile she throws a peice of butt my way and that makes me happy and everything is good. Everything is just comfortable and smooth sailing and I like that.
I want to build my dream house now, a 2800sqft southern style colonial. Of course being a guy of strong work ethic, I want to take off work and build it myself and subcontract out my help. Her responce was of why don't I just get a loan and buy it? I didn't realize it then but do now that I was really testing her and she failed. I guess in a way, I thought if she was right there beside me laying brick and mortar, that we could call this house "ours." Instead, it looks like I'm on my own and will once again think of the home as "mine." I take care of her now so it isn't think she's doing anything else.
Or am I just weird in my thinking and just some overly controlling guy? To take a relationship to that kind of level, I need some kind of sacrifice of love to me. Hard to put into words but just something that says we're in this together and we're going to build this life together. I thought that house was her/our ticket to accomplishing that but I guess not. After that house was built, I was willing to go all in with the marriage, money, anything. It just makes me uneasy thinking the weight of her and any kids we might have is entirely on my shoulders. I would like to think if anything happens to me, she can take care of herself and kids. If I lose my job, all eyes won't be on me but on us.
I've lurked here and know there are guys that can relate.
Every once in awhile she throws a peice of butt my way and that makes me happy and everything is good. Everything is just comfortable and smooth sailing and I like that.
I've been seeing a woman for the better part of five years now with no marriage yet. I know, I may be afraid of commitment. It is just that I am happy with the way things are now and I am scared of losing what I've gained. Also, we've all heard the term why buy the cow when the milk's free.
At least twice a week she jokes about how we're not married yet. All light-hearted but she's consistent with it. I have to give her that.
I think the number one thing that annoys me, or scares me, is that she keeps on bringing up the subject of money, particularly my money. This is where it gets really crazy! I make up how much I spend. Not what you think here. I make up that I spend more than I actually do! She knows I do alright but can't seem to add up in her head why I only have 15k in savings.
Like I'll get a credit card bill, open it up and gasp that it is $2400! I won't show her but in reality, it might be $600 at best. I have money in two banks. One is just savings/checking (15k) and the other holds the vast majority of my holdings/investment interests.
She on the other hand has about no savings, currently unemployed and really is not bringing anything to the table here. She's not a bum, she looks for work every day, there's just not too much out there around these parts. Hard worker and she works when there is work, but there's just nothing out there now. In all honesty, I think she's hinting at taking the housewife/sah-mom route. That's cool but we don't have to get married, right? If things don't work out, I'd rather just anty up the child support than split everything plus pay the support. Am I wrong here?
I just don't see anything positive coming from marriage except for tax reasons. We've been together for five years and the initial mad lust is gone. It is already like we're married. I care for her, am loyal to her and love her. Every once in awhile she throws a peice of butt my way and that makes me happy and everything is good. Everything is just comfortable and smooth sailing and I like that.
I want to build my dream house now, a 2800sqft southern style colonial. Of course being a guy of strong work ethic, I want to take off work and build it myself and subcontract out my help. Her responce was of why don't I just get a loan and buy it? I didn't realize it then but do now that I was really testing her and she failed. I guess in a way, I thought if she was right there beside me laying brick and mortar, that we could call this house "ours." Instead, it looks like I'm on my own and will once again think of the home as "mine." I take care of her now so it isn't think she's doing anything else.
Or am I just weird in my thinking and just some overly controlling guy? To take a relationship to that kind of level, I need some kind of sacrifice of love to me. Hard to put into words but just something that says we're in this together and we're going to build this life together. I thought that house was her/our ticket to accomplishing that but I guess not. After that house was built, I was willing to go all in with the marriage, money, anything. It just makes me uneasy thinking the weight of her and any kids we might have is entirely on my shoulders. I would like to think if anything happens to me, she can take care of herself and kids. If I lose my job, all eyes won't be on me but on us.
I've lurked here and know there are guys that can relate.
No, I don't think your being weird, especially in this day and age...
you may never have a problem, or the other hand, if you marry it could be your worst nightmare, and like you say, you've worked to hard for what you have...but then, there is always an option...so, if you consider marriage some day, why not do a pre-nup?
You never know who a person is until you marry them...and when you divorce them, is when YOU REALLY LEARN WHO THEY ARE.
I'm sorry but you don't seem very honest. You say you love her but you fear committment so you can't get married. That's an excuse. You lie about your financial status. Nothing honest there. You carry on about the inital hot lust being gone and things are comfortable. - It's called a long term relationship, guy. You are wasting her time and yours.
your post hit home. friend after you marry, when you open up the visa bill and it says 2400 bucks its guna be yours!!! the bad part its guna skyrocket just skyrocket after the wedding.
i had a gal that bitterly complained about my lack of committment. so i had her comitted.
I am a little dumfounded. You do or do not have a child with her? If you do not but are thinking about it without marrying her then I would say you are very selfish and not ready to get married and definately not ready to be a father. Paying Child Support and being done with it is not fair to a child.
It's like this: marriage is a partnership. Parenting is a partnership. If you are not ready to be a true partner (or she isn't) then you should not go forward with the relationship. You should end it and move on to someone who will be the partner you are looking for.
I don't know how old you are but I am in my 40's. I wasted 11 years with the wrong guy. 11 years that I could have spent with the right guy. 11 years that I was miserable in ways that I am only now able to understand. At the time, I thought I was okay. I didn't know any better. Now that I do, I can't believe it took me so long to leave the bum.
You don't seem happy with this person. You want more and you should have it. Cut her loose so both of you can find the kind of person that will make your life complete.
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