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Gosh funymann, I had so much more respect for you before this post
OF COURSE there are still stay at home moms, I know PLENTY of them.
Yes there are plenty of stay home mom's.
I guess I got caught up in a sour spot in my life.
Anyways, to clear up my thoughts if the two of them are working together to raise THEIR kids together and he makes enough to support everyone then by all means.
This story is the "Brady Bunch." I believe they both should be working. She cannot come into a relationship and then tell him to get as many jobs as he can to support her, her kids and their kids.
Well, first thing's first. If you're both working and drowning in debt, then it means that you are probably not being smart with your money.
Now this is when people say, "Why, that's not true. We watch every dime." But unless there were extenuating circumstances in your life such as a major illness, money is probably flowing through your fingers without your even realizing it.
Provide her with an incentive. She cannot stop working while you guys are in debt. It's that simple. If she's really serious about being a SAHM, then she needs to get with the program by slashing the household expenses.
Cable TV? Gone. That's $50-$100 bucks a month.
Dining out? Gone. Even taking six people to a fast food place costs you $30.
Shopping at the grocery store down the street rather than driving to Sam's or Costco? Gone. We got smart by doing our major shopping at warehouse stores and only buying on sale at the local grocery. The result? Our grocery bill has been cut by 50%. Honest to God.
The latest gadgets, activities, and fashions? Gone. If your kids want a video game, get it from the library. And clothes only get bought on sale, not when they're marked up 600%.
You will be amazed at how much you can save if you just pay attention to what you spend. Make a plan, make a budget and stick to it. And if you manage to whittle down your debt, then you can talk about her taking a part-time job. Whittle down the job a little more, and she can quit. But she contributed to this mess, and now she needs to be a mature adult and help resolve the problem.
NOW, having said all that, there's one enormous caveat I'll add. If you have kids in daycare, what is it really costing for your wife to work? At one point, when we had two kids in daycare, we figured out that when you added up daycare, daily lunches, etc. etc., my wife cleared about $1,000 a month in her job. We made sacrifices and, as a result, my wife was able to stay home.
You should really check out Dave Ramsey, who has a great syndicated radio show on personal finance. He has tons of advice on the subject, designed for people in your situation.
Well, first thing's first. If you're both working and drowning in debt, then it means that you are probably not being smart with your money.
Now this is when people say, "Why, that's not true. We watch every dime." But unless there were extenuating circumstances in your life such as a major illness, money is probably flowing through your fingers without your even realizing it.
Provide her with an incentive. She cannot stop working while you guys are in debt. It's that simple. If she's really serious about being a SAHM, then she needs to get with the program by slashing the household expenses.
Cable TV? Gone. That's $50-$100 bucks a month.
Dining out? Gone. Even taking six people to a fast food place costs you $30.
Shopping at the grocery store down the street rather than driving to Sam's or Costco? Gone. We got smart by doing our major shopping at warehouse stores and only buying on sale at the local grocery. The result? Our grocery bill has been cut by 50%. Honest to God.
The latest gadgets, activities, and fashions? Gone. If your kids want a video game, get it from the library. And clothes only get bought on sale, not when they're marked up 600%.
You will be amazed at how much you can save if you just pay attention to what you spend. Make a plan, make a budget and stick to it. And if you manage to whittle down your debt, then you can talk about her taking a part-time job. Whittle down the job a little more, and she can quit. But she contributed to this mess, and now she needs to be a mature adult and help resolve the problem.
NOW, having said all that, there's one enormous caveat I'll add. If you have kids in daycare, what is it really costing for your wife to work? At one point, when we had two kids in daycare, we figured out that when you added up daycare, daily lunches, etc. etc., my wife cleared about $1,000 a month in her job. We made sacrifices and, as a result, my wife was able to stay home.
You should really check out Dave Ramsey, who has a great syndicated radio show on personal finance. He has tons of advice on the subject, designed for people in your situation.
If she wants to live like it's 1955, tell her to have breakfast and dinner on the table when you get up and when you get home. She can do ALL of the household chores to include, laundry, ironing, cooking, cleaning, shopping, baking, sewing and whatever else comes about. Take away some modern conveniences like washer and dryer (they didn't have those in the 50's), dishwasher, microwave, vacuum cleaner and anything else that's been invented since the 50's. If she wants to reel back the hands of time, tell her she can't take her modern appliances and 2009 mindset with her. Ok, I just needed to get that out...honestly, remember one thing, staying home with the kids and taking care of the home is a full time job that doesn't end at 5 o'clock. She may not get to kick her feet up until 9 or 10PM each night after everything is said and done. Get yourself an easy gig on the side if you have to work a second job, something you don't have to bust your ass with like a security gig or gas station. Who knows, after a few months of having to be home all day with kids and taking care of a household she'll be begging to go back to work and have you home at night.
Alos, try to work out some sort of agreement on who is going to do what if you have to work like a rented mule. Then prioritize your spending so you don't dig yourself deeper in debt. Have a plan to get out of debt so you don't have to work so hard to make ends meet. It'll take some sacrifice on your part and hers, but it'll make your life so much easier in the long haul.
LOL oh this was good. Im still laughing, wiping away my tears of laughter... <sigh> ohh so funny. Thanks! So true!!!
If she wants to be a SAHM then set a plan to do it. That means she gets ALL the home rearing tasks (cooking, cleaning, child care etc) if you have to take a second job. Second, you are the controller of money now so you set up a budget of how to spend it. If your in debt, that means no lattes at Starbucks or Gym memberships. Maybe she can get certified as a daycare provider and watch a couple more kids.
I would really put a sharp pencil to it to see if having two incomes is really benefiting your bottom line. Not long ago one of those News magazines shows profiled a working couple with kids. They figured out that the wife's job was actually costing them $1000's of dollars a year. there was net loss from her employment. If she is getting child support that could be even more tax liability aside from the cost of two cars,
Okay, my wife and I were married a few years ago. She had children from a previous marriage, and we've since added to the bunch. Now, she wants to stop working altogether and be a stay at home mom. Meanwhile, we're both up to our eyeballs in debt. She brought a lot of debt into the marriage, and I've since accrued a lot of debt. But she wants to be a stay at home mom and thinks I should work as many jobs as it takes to take care of everything. I've tried to explain to her that this isn't the 1950's. In todays world, its almost impossible to survive as a family of 6 with only one source of income. I'm not a doctor or lawyer for crying out loud. Am I out of line?
No one on here can judge if you are out of line or not because your financial arrangements with your wife and family are your business. Some things to consider, however, while you and your wife decide if she is going to work or not:
Childcare is mega expensive and often times can use up a whole paycheck so unless you have a family member who is willing to watch the kids while your wife works and save you a little money on the child care, then it probably isn't worth her working. Back when my son was a toddler, I paid $35.00 a week for child care...not that way now.
Have you or your wife considered her working from home? There are some companies who will hire people to work remotely from home. She will pretty much be able to make her own hours and still be able to be there for the kids.
Has your wife considered something part time? Perhaps a few days a week or maybe an early evening job? This way, you could fill in when she isn't there for the kids.
I retired early from a job that I truly did like; not to take care of any kids but basically because I had had enough of the work world. Fortunately for me, my husband makes enough money to take care of both of us but I am also bored out of my mind. I stopped working far to early. Tell your wife for me that there are days when the walls absolutely close down around me and being home is not always the best place in the world. The lack of outside contact with actual people sometimes really gets to me.
Hope this has helped.....your decision; lots to think about!
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oh, and Dad's
