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Another way to look at this is: There are people who have families who live quite far from them. Some people have been disappointed by their grown children. Some of these people have found their Family of Friends - the ones they could choose, not the ones they feel they have to put up with simply because they're related.
Another way to look at this is: There are people who have families who live quite far from them. Some people have been disappointed by their grown children. Some of these people have found their Family of Friends - the ones they could choose, not the ones they feel they have to put up with simply because they're related.
I am so sorry you never got to have children when you wanted them. It must be painful not to be ale to adopt as well. If you can't somehow connect with a child you might consider getting a small lap dog. I know this may sound stupid, but I never really knew unconditional love until I got mine. Dogs can so enrich one's life and fill voids.
I have considered it, problem is I dont have required space living in small apt but we "could" empty out one small bedroom. If my health gets better and I can get out more and other things are stablized, I may check into them allowing me to have an older teenager to foster parent but I do not know if they allow disabled people in the system or not. I used to work with violent and troubled teens in my pervious career so that is one thing I would have going for me. I would want less violent of course at home, but that experience could only help me. Im going to check into that. . When I was younger I checked into adoption, thinking my health would improve but it did not.
Why don't you check out Big Brother Big Sister?
You wouldn't need to provide living space, you'd be mentoring and I doubt a disability would be an issue.
As to being childless and middle aged I've always figured if I was going to have kids it would very much depend on finding a suitable life partner who I could see being a good father regardless if we ended up staying together or not. That didn't happen. It's probably not going to happen so I'm pretty much ok with that except for the odd tinge here and there, WHICH I recover from VERY QUICKLY after a good dose of the nieces and nephew!
After reading the rest of the posts in this thread, I suggest either mentoring or other volunteer work with children or even at an animal shelter. I feel that you need to get out of your daily routine. Part of your depression is because you are feeling in a rut imo. Get out there and interact with new people.
Don't think that you have to have a baby of your own in order to get loved back.
I know of a few who dont have kids and all are over the age of 40. For some its by choice, for others its been a medical issue and for yet others, the simply have given up after 4 miscarriages in their 20's and 30's. Though I have kids, and cant relate to the 'pain' of not having, but on the other hand, believe it or not, for those who dont have, there are tons of babies/kids waiting to be adopted. It may not be the same, but its giving a kid the love want to share.
We don't always agree with eachother but this is a good post.
Ron
Quote:
Originally Posted by miu
Ditto for me also. I am 50 and still ecstatic that I never had children or got preggo by accident. Thank you birth control pills!!!
I have two nieces, a wonderful boyfriend and the love of my dogs and cats. If I had wanted to have kids, I would have adopted or fostered some... but I never did. I actually dislike babies and children very much.
I agree with the suggestions of fostering a child or two.
Mentoring or being a Big Sister are other good options. One of my single friends from my high school mentored a young teen for many years and helped him get into college, complete with a full scholarship.
Adoption is another thought. Since you are already 40, you might want to consider adopting an older child instead of a baby.
But it doesn't sound as if you have a s/o in your life. Can you afford to raise a child or children on your own? If not, mentoring might be your best option.
Or finding a job working with babies and young children.
Have you tried just getting a puppy or dog for companionship?
I'm another one who has never regretted my happily child-free life. DH & I just never had the slightest interest. AND, we chose to move 1300 miles away from family. Life is so much easier without the drama.
However, since your situation is the exact opposite, and since you are clearly lonely, following any of the excellent suggestions you've received here sounds like a plan. THere are so many older kids who never get a loving home because, as you know, people generally prefer to adopt infants or toddlers. I hope that you are able to find a solution that works well for both you and the lucky future child you may be able to adopt or foster. Good luck to you.
I'm 37, I don't have kids, and yes... it does bother me at times.
When I think about the future, it scares the absolute hell out of me, I don't have children, I am only child, my parents are not young, my husband is 14 years older than me.
I have such a bright future ahead it seems. Pondering all this really depresses me
You could see it there is a CASA or children in your area. It stands for Court Appointed Special Advocate and it's a way of helping foster kids if you cannot take the into your home. Just google CASA along with you cities name.
My mom did CASA as a retired teacher in her late 60s and 70s. It's not real physically exhausting and you can work when you're feeling good and not when there's a bad spell. You sound like you have the perfect and mentality from your career. The court system and children's services are very understaffed and chaotic in most cities. You're doing the children a great service making sure they navigate well, understand what is going on, and just basically having a friend at a difficult time.
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CASA is great
