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I'm 37, I don't have kids, and yes... it does bother me at times.
When I think about the future, it scares the absolute hell out of me, I don't have children, I am only child, my parents are not young, my husband is 14 years older than me.
I have such a bright future ahead it seems. Pondering all this really depresses me
There, there.... You are not too old yet to have kids...
I saw a film the other day called "Rails and Ties" with Marcia Gay Harden and Kevin Bacon. Marcia plays a woman who is dying of cancer, and she is dealing with the fact that she and her husband never had children. She is also dealing with she and her husband having grown so distant from each other. It's a good film. The writing is a little weak, but overall it's a good one to watch. Just thought I'd suggest it since you might relate to the Marcia Gay Harden character.
I have relatives who are living in your shoes. One has health issues that made it hard for her to ever even date much less get married and have children, and the other I think it's more her personality that scared people away. She's just an odd person, hard to deal with... but both have lways seem obsessed with getting married an dhaving children yet they are now both in their 50's and have never had real boyfriends... they are unmarried, childless, live alone in their apartments, etc. Very similar situation. In fact I was wondering if you were one of my aunts when I was reading your post!
Have you ever thought about going to school? Even if you already have a degree... maybe just taking classes that interest you? Learning a new hobby? Getting a pet? Taking a swimming lesson? Do you garden? Cook? If you live in an apartment, perhaps there is a way to set up a meet & greet get together in a community area within your apartment community? Or start an online blog? Take up photography? There's so much you can do! You are free.
I was reading about this lady in Sudan who was arrested for wearing pants. Another Sudanese woman was arrested for drinking a beer in a public bar. Only men in their country can wear pants or go to a bar and have a beer. Reading that, though it made me feel awful for those women, it made me feel so happy... simply being American is something to be glad for!
I've heard really good things about CASA... I think I'm going to check into that as well. Because of the economy, in our local paper there have been lots of stories about how there are more kids than ever needing foster homes and caring adults to help them. There are also programs like Big Brothers and Big Sister's... and mentor programs. You can google foster care for your area.... there are lots of ways to get involved without having to be an actual Foster Parent.
Another way to look at this is: There are people who have families who live quite far from them. Some people have been disappointed by their grown children. Some of these people have found their Family of Friends - the ones they could choose, not the ones they feel they have to put up with simply because they're related.
Terrific viewpoint! OP, I used to feel just like you. Went through nine surgeries, pills, shots., you name it. Plus my husband had infertility problems as well. We also spent considerable time & money exploring adoption & foster care options. I'm 48 now & my husband died 3 years ago, so I've decided to put that longing for children in the past. I still entertain the notion of meeting a single dad - but we all know that's the stuff for Lifetime Movies! My sister & other friends often relate the same sentiment as Aylalou's above. In these past three years, I really see how right they are.
I love my nieces & nephews - all of my relatives live on the other side of the country from me, so I cherish the times I see them. But it just became time to change my direction. I realize this is much easier said than done; but try to look differently at your lot in life. It has taken me YEARS to get to this, but I am finally seeing that obviously there is another plan for me. You don't mention what your health problems are, but if they aren't immediately terminal, then they can be worked around. I say that because I have my share of those too. It sounds like the combo of your health issues plus no children has led you to a form of depression. (just a guess - I'm not proclaiming to be a doctor!) How is your diet? Are you eating poorly? How is your exercise? From personal experience, dealing with a childless future is not nearly as depressing when your body is feeling good due to proper diet & exercise.
Try to see the possibilities your life holds in a more positive light! I started my own business a year & a half ago. I could not have done that if I had the time & financial demands of a child. You can travel without worry. You can put your love for children into love of helping those less fortunate. I send care pkgs to the troops & volunteer in a youth court program. That's just two of countless things you can do that will enrich your life. Hard as it is, I am accepting that it just may not have been my destiny to have children. If you find yourself able to consider that, suddenly the world opens up so many other choices in life. Good luck to you.
Is there anyone here, who is Middle Aged and never had children? Did you face this pain? How did you cope with it? It is scary to grow up and have essentially no family, or people so far away, they become strangers to you. When you past age 40, everyone lives so far away, and people start dying off, it just gets more painful. Does anyone relate to this? I thought dealing with it would get easier as I got older. {was infertile and too sick to have children} instead it got harder. Yes I always have done volunteer work and given to communities I am in.
I'm 50 and have no kids and have never married. I never wanted any kids or to get married so I can't say I know where you're coming from. It's never bothered me but that's just me.
When I was growing up, I always assumed that life followed a certain pattern. Graduate HS, go to college, meet the man of your dreams, get married, have kids, blah blah blah.
Well, of course this was my parents' generation (in my family). My parents and all my aunts & uncles followed this pattern. All are still married to the person they married in their 20s. All have kids and most have grandkids. My parents are the one exception who don't have grandkids. I told my Mom once that if she wanted grandchildren, she should have had more children (I'm an only child).
I would have loved to be a mom, but unless I had decided years ago to "accidentally" get pregnant with one of my ex-boyfriends, it just wasn't in the cards for me. It never crossed my mind at the time to do something like that. I wanted to be married before having kids. My ex-fiance and I had planned to try to have kids after the wedding, but I was 38 when he bailed and after that it just wasn't realistic that I would meet someone else to have kids with before I got too old.
Now I'm 41 and while I'd still like to have children I don't see it happening. My current bf doesn't have and doesn't want kids. I could dump him and hope I'd meet a nice single Dad and have the chance at being a stepmom but it seems like a pretty risky move, to dump a perfectly good boyfriend for the unknown.
Being a single mom on purpose was never really a consideration. I have a full time job that has me working overtime quite a bit. I also stay involved in numerous activities and without a partner to share the parenting, I would have to give up almost everything I enjoy, at least for a few years, and I don't think that would be good for me. This is the first time in my life that I'm truly happy with where I am, what I have, and where I'm going. A child might enhance that, but only in the right circumstances (a marriage) and that won't be happening.
It sucks a little bit, but I can still spend time with friend's kids, and be "Auntie Tropical" and the best part of that is I don't have to deal with them when they're acting like brats
edit: oh, and the last words I would use to describe myself at 41, are "middle aged" - I'm still young and hot.
The childhood fairy tales hold us so strong for so long, - till we are in our 90s, don't they?
I wanted to be married before having kids, too, until I found out I was 3 months pregnant.... at 38. Clearly I didn't follow the prescribed pattern, but was hoping for it for oh so long.
Another myth is hurrying to have kids by 40, despite the developments in health care. So I hurried and had another one at 41. Now looking back, I'm thinking, what was the rush? I could have a kid right now, at 45, and maybe 5 years from now.
There's nothing wrong with that viewpoint, Tropical. More and more people these days are thinking along the same lines as you. I read a recent study that showed how having kids after 35 is actually better overall (not just financially, but health reasons too!).
Btw you gave me hope and confidence that there may be hot women in their 30s+! I do not want to get married now and I'm approaching my 30s. Marriage is the last thing on my mind right now. I'm not ready to be as miserable as everyone else
Good question. From reading, it seems that your question would apply to people that WANTED children but for some reason could not or did not have children.
I don't think people that did not want children are dealing with any "pain".
That because you don't want children. She obviously addressing people who wants children but for whatever reason don't. Obviously a person who never wanted children wouldn't be feeling pain.
After reading the rest of the posts in this thread, I suggest either mentoring or other volunteer work with children or even at an animal shelter. I feel that you need to get out of your daily routine. Part of your depression is because you are feeling in a rut imo. Get out there and interact with new people.
Don't think that you have to have a baby of your own in order to get loved back.
I think you and Ron. are the most insensitive people in the world and it's an incredible blessing that you don't have children. She wasn't addressing you or people like you.
To the OP, if you changed you home situation, meaning getting rid of abusive leech, excuse husband, I would highly recommend being a foster parent to an older child. But it would be very unfair to take in a child who has already had a traumatic life and introduce them into the home life you've been tell us about.
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Terrific viewpoint! OP, I used to feel just like you. Went through nine surgeries, pills, shots., you name it. Plus my husband had infertility problems as well. We also spent considerable time & money exploring adoption & foster care options. I'm 48 now & my husband died 3 years ago, so I've decided to put that longing for children in the past. I still entertain the notion of meeting a single dad - but we all know that's the stuff for Lifetime Movies! 
