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The key-swapping fad in the 70's fizzled out, then the 90's re-attempt didn't spread far, and so I don't expect it to be any more successful now today than it was then. To each his own but I think it's gross.
Actually, there's quite a lot of evidence that many alternative lifestyles -- including swinging and polyamory (they are different) -- are now flourishing in the internet era. The internet has enabled people of all sorts of interests to find one another. In some instances these are people doing bad things, but in many others it's just people with alternative tastes and desires coming togther (literally and figuratively).
Actually, there's quite a lot of evidence that many alternative lifestyles -- including swinging and polyamory (they are different) -- are now flourishing in the internet era. The internet has enabled people of all sorts of interests to find one another. In some instances these are people doing bad things, but in many others it's just people with alternative tastes and desires coming togther (literally and figuratively).
I think that's part of it... but I also think it's a simple matter of exposure as well.
I've been actively involved in "alternative sexuality/lifestyle" communities of one form or another since I was 14 and marched in my first Pride Parade in Chicago. From my perspective, because of where I lived and the people I hung out with, those communities have always "flourished." In other words, the communities existed and were full of life and people... it's just that if you weren't PART of them, they pretty much existed beneath your radar.
People assume that's because we were a more "moral society" back then, and thus there were fewer people interested. That's actually crap.
We were just one HECK of a lot harder to find. If you wanted to find the local kink community in Chicago, you had to know enough to not just peruse the Chicago Reader classifieds carefully, you had to actually have a clue what you were looking for. As time passed, you then had to also be a bit of a geek and know how to dial into a BBS to connect with those who were hosting the events and meetings.
Now, if you boot up your computer and go to Google, you can find ANY alternative community/lifestyle gatherings in the amount of time it takes you to blink.
We've centralized the resources on the internet, and given people a safe place to say, "hey, yeah...me too." Admitting openly what they have been living privately for decades.
I meet people weekly who say, "I have been into this my whole life... I never knew others were until I got online... I thought it was just something WE did... we've been living like this for 20...30...40+ years." I just met a couple about 3 weeks ago who have been living a "very" alternative relationship style for the 42 years they've been married. About 6 months ago, their grandkid finally talked them into getting a computer. Low and behold, they're meeting thousands of people who have been living the same relationship style openly... people they never knew existed until they logged on.
It did not change the fact that before many of us were born, this couple was already happily involved in a relationship style a lot of people would like to tear down as disgusting, immoral, unhealthy, whatever.
Married...forty...two... years. Six children. 14 grandchildren and counting.
My daughter told me she was polyamorous, and I wanted to tear my hair out. She was in a "relationship" with a man who was married - and his wife was pregnant! This is basically what I told her:
"Whenever a woman gets into a sexual relationship, she takes certain risks. Risks of pregnancy, risks of disease, risks of getting hurt emotionally. Most of us take on these risks due to the benefits, of course. Where is the benefit in polyamory? If something happens, what kind of support are you going to have? This man is already committed elsewhere, and he has a baby on the way! His wife will always have his first allegiance, and you'll always be second place. And you say you chose this situation willingly?"
Luckily, she soon wised up and left that situation. Yes, she's still friends with them, but at least she's not giving her heart, soul, and body to something so nebulous!
People say that polyamory is not a big deal, that it's about love and not sex. Really? But polyamorous couples are having sex outside their marriage, so it is indeed about sex! You can't call a cat a cow and expect me to believe it!
People say that polyamory is not a big deal, that it's about love and not sex. Really? But polyamorous couples are having sex outside their marriage, so it is indeed about sex! You can't call a cat a cow and expect me to believe it!
Is your marriage all about sex? Is that the focus? Is that the dividing line between your relationship with your spouse and say, your relationship with your daughter? That you are having sex with one and not the other?
Or... is there a lot more to it than that?
I hope so.
And incidentally, no, polyamorous people are not necessarily having sex outside their marriage. Polyamorous = Many Loves. Not many f*** buddies.
Quote:
Originally Posted by SandyCo
Most of us take on these risks due to the benefits, of course. Where is the benefit in polyamory? If something happens, what kind of support are you going to have?
Last year my husband was in Atlanta for work. We had just moved into our new place the day before he left. We weren't even really moved in. Half the truck was still loaded. In the midst of all this, our cat had a series of strokes... he needed to be put to sleep, he was suffering. This was "my" cat, in the sense that he slept with me, slept on me, was always near me, was a total "momma's boy."
I was a wreck. But I could not let my kitty suffer. I also couldn't call my hubby for help/support. 1) He was inside the plant - no phone reception. 2) The robot he was trying to program was VERY issue-laden and required his complete concentration... someone could die if he messed up. He didn't need the stress of knowing a) his wife was a wreck or b) his kitty was being put to sleep and c) he couldn't be "here" for me OR to say goodbye to the kitty.
But my boyfriend could (and did) shoulder it with me.
That's one of the smallest, most minor examples of those "benefits" you claim are non-existent.
We are a family. We bear the burdens AND the joys, together. We prop each other up, and cheer each other's successes.
Is there a sexual component? Yes. In ours, there is. Is that the basis of the relationship? No more so than it is the basis of your marriage. I mean, really, is that all your marriage is? The sex? Is that the ONLY thing that sets it apart from every other relationship in your life? Is that the ONLY reason you are even married to begin with?
We work together towards common goals... financially, we get there quicker with more than two incomes. We look out for each other. We take care of each other. My boyfriend is as deeply involved in my healthcare as my husband is, if not more so since he also has medical power of attorney. Why? Because my husband freely admits that if I am on life support, he cannot be the one to make the decision to turn it off... even knowing it is what I would want. My boyfriend has the strength to honor my wishes, and to shoulder his own grief well enough that he can help my husband and my children deal with theirs first.
Is your marriage all about sex? Is that the focus? Is that the dividing line between your relationship with your spouse and say, your relationship with your daughter? That you are having sex with one and not the other?
Or... is there a lot more to it than that?
I hope so.
And incidentally, no, polyamorous people are not necessarily having sex outside their marriage. Polyamorous = Many Loves. Not many f*** buddies.
Last year my husband was in Atlanta for work. We had just moved into our new place the day before he left. We weren't even really moved in. Half the truck was still loaded. In the midst of all this, our cat had a series of strokes... he needed to be put to sleep, he was suffering. This was "my" cat, in the sense that he slept with me, slept on me, was always near me, was a total "momma's boy."
I was a wreck. But I could not let my kitty suffer. I also couldn't call my hubby for help/support. 1) He was inside the plant - no phone reception. 2) The robot he was trying to program was VERY issue-laden and required his complete concentration... someone could die if he messed up. He didn't need the stress of knowing a) his wife was a wreck or b) his kitty was being put to sleep and c) he couldn't be "here" for me OR to say goodbye to the kitty.
But my boyfriend could (and did) shoulder it with me.
That's one of the smallest, most minor examples of those "benefits" you claim are non-existent.
We are a family. We bear the burdens AND the joys, together. We prop each other up, and cheer each other's successes.
Is there a sexual component? Yes. In ours, there is. Is that the basis of the relationship? No more so than it is the basis of your marriage. I mean, really, is that all your marriage is? The sex? Is that the ONLY thing that sets it apart from every other relationship in your life? Is that the ONLY reason you are even married to begin with?
We work together towards common goals... financially, we get there quicker with more than two incomes. We look out for each other. We take care of each other. My boyfriend is as deeply involved in my healthcare as my husband is, if not more so since he also has medical power of attorney. Why? Because my husband freely admits that if I am on life support, he cannot be the one to make the decision to turn it off... even knowing it is what I would want. My boyfriend has the strength to honor my wishes, and to shoulder his own grief well enough that he can help my husband and my children deal with theirs first.
Really sexy & kinky, huh?
Well Wingsy as you seem to be the only openly polyamorous person participating in the thread thus far, I will ask you the questions I am curious about! If you don't mind I would like to pick your brain a bit - I think most people have heard of polyamory, but few people have any idea as to the daily ins and outs/workings of a poyamorous relationship. I, for one, am curious! Okay nosy! No disrespect intended at all - I have watched a couple of shows in the UK on polyamorous couples and am genuinely interested. Please indulge me?
Q. Do you all live together in one house?
Q. If so, do the three of you sleep in the same bed or do you take turns (in one trio showcased the woman alternated between her husbands and in the other trio the husbands slept on either side of her everynight)
Q. You seem really open so I am assuming your neighbours are aware of the relationship - how has that been? Any flack or are people quite accepting?
Q. Do you all live together in one house?
Q. If so, do the three of you sleep in the same bed or do you take turns (in one trio showcased the woman alternated between her husbands and in the other trio the husbands slept on either side of her everynight)
Q. You seem really open so I am assuming your neighbours are aware of the relationship - how has that been? Any flack or are people quite accepting?
Hi sunshineleith I don't mind the questions... honestly, I'd much rather have people ask questions and pick my brain than have them jumping to conclusions or making assumptions. I know that my relationship style is new/different to most people... and even that some find it abhorrent. So, I wouldn't open myself up by discussing it if I wasn't, well, willing to discuss it. *grins*
Q1: Nope, we don't. And actually, right now we're living about 659 miles away from my boyfriend. That'll change in the next month (yay!) but for right now, it is what it is.
Q2: Even though we don't live together, my boyfriend does sleep here at times (visiting for a weekend, etc. right now, or just not wanting to drive home when we live close, etc.) and so he has his own bedroom. Cats aren't allowed in it, as he's "just allergic enough" that having their dander all over his pillow and blankets would have him sneezing and coughing all the time. LOL When he's here, I sleep with him. When he's not, I sleep with hubby. When hubby's girlfriend is here, I sleep in my boyfriend's bed... and then limp for a few days because he likes a firm mattress (we have GOT to get a sleep number bed for his room). LOL
Q3: I'm not sure if the neighbors have noticed or not. Probably have, since I treat both hubby and boyfriend the same... one of them standing at the grill cooking, I'd go up and put my arm around their waist... quick snog goodbye on the front porch... whatever. If they have noticed, they haven't mentioned it.
None of us are into heavy public displays of affection... I'm not the kind of woman who wants to play tongue tag in the middle of the mall. LOL
But, taking the mall as an example... boyfriend lives a few miles from Mall of America. The three of us have been there a few times... and I'll walk between them holding both of their hands.
It's entirely likely that I'm just oblivious, but I've never noticed any particular reaction in others. But hand holding is about the extent of what any of us is comfortable doing in public "in general." So like, even if I'm just out with one of them, we're not doing anything more than holding hands anyway.
Overall, if people do become aware of our dynamic, at most we get some curious questions. People are much less courageous face-to-face than they are online... so there isn't a lot of "ZOMG you sinners will burn!!!" stuff outside of online discussion forums.
No way in hell would I even think of being involved in something as nutty.
Ok, just want to make a point here...
Is it really necessary to run around condemning someone else's relationship simply because it wouldn't suit you? This isn't just directed at Lucario - it's to participants in this discussion in general.
I could understand it if I were sitting here trashing your monogamous, heterosexual relationships... but I'm not. So... is it really necessary to show such disrespect towards someone else's life choices?
We're not hurting you... we're not even impacting your life in the smallest of ways... where does this need to condemn and insult come from?
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She was in a "relationship" with a man who was married - and his wife was pregnant! This is basically what I told her:
I don't mind the questions... honestly, I'd much rather have people ask questions and pick my brain than have them jumping to conclusions or making assumptions. I know that my relationship style is new/different to most people... and even that some find it abhorrent. So, I wouldn't open myself up by discussing it if I wasn't, well, willing to discuss it. *grins* 
