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Maybe this is why I'm divorced (not really...my marriage had a lot of issues, but that was years ago). But as a single woman who is dating and looking to marry, I see so many married people say things like:
1. He/she loves me so much they just won't spend time with me
2. My spouse is always with the kids
3. They love me, but they work all the time
4. There are simply different levels of marriage
5. Just because you're married you don't have to spend all your time together -- get some friends (the problem is they rarely spend any time together)
6. They are just immature (35 - 50)
7. They just haven't gotten their playing out yet
8. Oh they are just curious
9. as long as they take care of home
10. They only hang out on the weekends (every weekend)
11. You just don't understand, we've been married so long this is normal -- no romance is the new love (what!)
12. My spouse won't be intimate with me
13 My spouse is not attracted to me
14 Other than our kids we have nothing to talk about - it’s like being single
15 I am miserable, but I'm married
(all legitimate emotions – not discounting that. Just asking questions)
I could go on, but I won't. This is one of the reason's I had started the happily marrieds thread. There are so many unhappy couples that stay - just to stay, but never seem to make it to happy and when you mention the happy word it’s like what is wrong with you! You are selfish, what about the kids, the mortgage, the bills, this - this that. I don't know is happy against the law? I know there is balance and I'm NOT suggesting divorce or separation as always being the answer. I'm simply saying what is wrong with wanting out AFTER you have TRIED and EXHAUSTED EVERY MEANS to make it work. You did the counseling and everything thing that I know men / women try to do when they really want their marriages to work and it hasn't. And it’s NOT the most encouraging messages for singles (not that everything is about singles either - just saying).
And maybe I'm having a "moment" today because I'm feeling kind of out of sorts about my friends today too. I love my friends and have a lot actually. Many since grade school, but I think I've just been too nice or too passive & it’s built up & today I'm not experiencing the happy, supportive friend moment. You ever feel like you always support your friends or is there for them regardless how dumb or stupid something might seem to you because "friendship" trumps dumb. I'm that person - if I'm your friend, I'm your friend, and I know everyone has a right to do what they want, but some times - ok most times I just don't feel I get that back. And truthfully maybe because most of my friends are religious, Christian, catholic, but really I'm not looking for my friends to Pastor me. I have a Pastor. I'm not looking for my friends to save me. I have a Savior. I'm not looking for my friends to morally police me, I had two parents and they did a pretty good job, and I'm not looking for accountability partners, I could join a support group. No, with my friends I just want friends. What ever happened to that?
So maybe this is just a bad day. I should probably take a hot bath, turn on some music and soak a while.
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I'm sorry. I feel your pain about the friends issue. I feel like that sometimes. I give and give and go out of my way to be there for people...listen to their problems, let them vent, watch their animals, pick them up from jail, yada yada yada. Then when I need the same in return (minus the jail part!) there's someone or something else more important. When I'm listening to them go on and on about their problems, it never occurs to them to stop and ask how I'm doing.
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I feel your pain about the friends issue. I feel like that sometimes. I give and give and go out of my way to be there for people...listen to their problems, let them vent, watch their animals, pick them up from jail, yada yada yada. Then when I need the same in return (minus the jail part!) there's someone or something else more important. When I'm listening to them go on and on about their problems, it never occurs to them to stop and ask how I'm doing.
