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As a fellow gay 20-something who has had a rather morally-reprehensible (and regrettable) sexual history, I'm inclined to agree with Cosmic on this one---that guy is a sexual creature incapable of self-control! (I should know because I used to be one! Remember my "Sexual Tensions" thread a while back?) LOL!
Let me be blunt with you. Do not pursue anything physical with him if you value your friendship and want to see it continue. In any event, it would just be extremely awkward afterwards. I have yet to have a hook-up that's resulted in a happy ending (well, besides that "happy ending") I'll let you in on a scenario I endured last year:
I decided to go out on a date with a seemingly-wonderful catch named Kevin (that seems to be a popular gay name in PA for some odd reason). We went out for lunch, played mini-golf, and then we headed to the movies to see "The Hills Have Eyes." Just before the movie we went for a long walk at Nay Aug Park and took the trail down to the scenic waterfall. We stood there for a while, and something just "clicked" between us as we embraced for a kiss in our own private natural oasis in the city. In the theater we continued to chat until the movie started. Shortly thereafter the cuddling began, and then I noticed some...ummm..."sexual tension" between us. We left about 2/3 of the way through the movie, and I drove us out to the country, where we fooled around a bit (nothing serious). He joked afterwards while I was driving him back to campus that I was "incredible" at doing a certain sexual activity, and I just blushed at that. We kissed again before he got out of the car. I was conflicted at this point. On the one hand, I felt terribly disgusting for allowing myself to go down on someone on the first date. On the other hand, this kid was pursuing his Doctorate, was charming, and had a great personality; if doing something like that would "seal the deal" for a second date, then I'd have done anything for him! The heart-crusher came later that evening when he sent me a MySpace message saying that every time he starts off with sex on the first date the relationship always falls apart, so he was going to spare both of us the trouble and didn't want to go out again. I was devastated. All along in the theater I totally got the "vibe" from him that he wanted to fool around with me a bit, and in the car he was actually a bit aggressive with me, and then after he had his fill of me he just turned around and said "Bad idea after all."
Who's to say this won't happen to you as well. You two have started off on the right foot as great friends, much like Kevin and I did on most of our date. Then when the sexual tensions arose and we both gave into our desires for one another, everything collapsed. Sex always creates an awkward situation afterwards, no matter how great it might have been at the time (in our case he was almost passing out from pleasure!) I would give anything to do that second date over again without the physical activities, as he seemed to be the type of guy that I dreamed about. Now I haven't been in a relationship in over two-and-a-half years, and the depression over that is starting to get at me (why do you think I hang around on City-Data talking to a bunch of 40-year-old ex-Brooklynites-turned- PA soccer moms all day?) If you enjoy the friendship you have now, then do not indulge him in his requests.
Furthermore, I agree with Cosmic about something else---how can you be certain of his sexual orientation? I've actually had "straight" guys responding to personal ads of mine saying they weren't gay but just heard that "gay guys give better head than their girlfriends." Well, gosh darn! If that's not the perfect pick-up line to get into my heart, then I don't know what is! LOL! I also had a straight guy in high school toy with my heart just for some cruel pleasure of seeing me get heartbroken when I learned the truth about his intentions.
Dating is not easy to begin with, especially when you have demographics like these:
Scranton/Wilkes-Barre-(pop. 600,000)
Straight-599,999
Gay-1
In the closet/bi-curious/bisexual, etc.: God only knows!
I wish you the best of luck in this situation man! Just remember "Don't do anything I wouldn't do" (which I suppose is pointless coming from my mouth of all places!) LOL! You'll have to make a decision at some point---preserve the friendship or risk losing it to engage in a half-hour of empty passion. The choice is yours. I chose the wrong one with Kevin. Please don't make that same mistake!
Well I really do agree with you...sadly..I started to um persue it with him but I stopped because I just wasn't feeling it which I'm afraid may have been just enough to ruin any friendship we had. He actually seemed disappointed afterwards and asked me if this girl he knows would really like him and want him. I think I may have damaged his drunken ego a bit by, almost obviously, not being into the whole thing..that plus the wierdness he prob feels about it now has more than likely done lasting damage...*sigh* I appreciate the advice
So, in other words, Scranton, you had the experience that many women have had in their relationships with men, of being reduced to nothing more than a sex object because the sex occurred too soon. This may sound old-fashioned, but if you really want a relationship with someone, you'll give them time to get to know you on other levels before sex enters into it.
Kereczr, this advice obviously doesn't apply to you and your situation, because you were already friends. By the way, it has been my experience that the very people who talk like your friend did, always bringing up your "gayness", asking questions, etc. are the ones who really are attracted or curious, but don't dare come right out and admit it! It's kind of like a guy who mentions porn all the time, even if it's in the context of how awful it is.
So, in other words, Scranton, you had the experience that many women have had in their relationships with men, of being reduced to nothing more than a sex object because the sex occurred too soon. This may sound old-fashioned, but if you really want a relationship with someone, you'll give them time to get to know you on other levels before sex enters into it.
I couldn't agree more. I felt so strongly for him just from that first date that I thought going the "next step" would have sealed the deal and lured him back to me for a second date. Instead, awkwardness ensued on his behalf afterwards, even though he had no complaints at all when I was...ummm...you know... LOL! I just felt the "vibe" from him in the theater with the way his hands were wandering that he wanted to go a bit further, but I suppose I misread those "good intentions." By the way, you don't sound old-fashioned at all. I'm actually the old-fashioned type who normally holds off on sex for at least several dates. However, I just felt as if I would have lost him had I not indulged his seemingly overactive sex drive that day (which means I might have lost him either way, so I might as well just count my blessings that I got a hot session of passion out of the day instead of nothing at all). LOL!
Quote:
Originally Posted by SandyCo
Kereczr, this advice obviously doesn't apply to you and your situation, because you were already friends. By the way, it has been my experience that the very people who talk like your friend did, always bringing up your "gayness", asking questions, etc. are the ones who really are attracted or curious, but don't dare come right out and admit it! It's kind of like a guy who mentions porn all the time, even if it's in the context of how awful it is.
Agreed. The only reason a "straight" guy would be so adamantly asking us so many questions about our sexual lives would be because they quite honestly are curious themselves. As much as most gay guys probably have a fantasy about seducing a straight guy, I'm actually starting to appreciate the finer things in life and am trying to kick the "hook-up habit" that took me over for the past two years. If it came down between spending the rest of my life with someone and holding off on sex for a while or getting instant sexual gratification and nobody by my side to show for it, I think we all know the answer most rational people would choose.
After reading some of the other threads here lately, I would go as far to say that being straight is too complicated!
If your bisexual, does that mean it's whole new world of complications?
After reading some of the other threads here lately, I would go as far to say that being straight is too complicated!
If your bisexual, does that mean it's whole new world of complications?
I am still trying to figure out how to become a Sex Object.
Wondering if I might not actually like that, no guys need apply please.
Location: Finally made it to Florida and lovin' every minute!
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You are to us, Cos. ;-)
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I'll let you in on a scenario I endured last year:
We went out for lunch, played mini-golf, and then we headed to the movies to see "The Hills Have Eyes." Just before the movie we went for a long walk at Nay Aug Park and took the trail down to the scenic waterfall. We stood there for a while, and something just "clicked" between us as we embraced for a kiss in our own private natural oasis in the city. In the theater we continued to chat until the movie started. Shortly thereafter the cuddling began, and then I noticed some...ummm..."sexual tension" between us. We left about 2/3 of the way through the movie, and I drove us out to the country, where we fooled around a bit (nothing serious). He joked afterwards while I was driving him back to campus that I was "incredible" at doing a certain sexual activity, and I just blushed at that. We kissed again before he got out of the car. I was conflicted at this point. On the one hand, I felt terribly disgusting for allowing myself to go down on someone on the first date. On the other hand, this kid was pursuing his Doctorate, was charming, and had a great personality; if doing something like that would "seal the deal" for a second date, then I'd have done anything for him! 
The heart-crusher came later that evening when he sent me a MySpace message saying that every time he starts off with sex on the first date the relationship always falls apart, so he was going to spare both of us the trouble and didn't want to go out again. I was devastated. All along in the theater I totally got the "vibe" from him that he wanted to fool around with me a bit, and in the car he was actually a bit aggressive with me, and then after he had his fill of me he just turned around and said "Bad idea after all." 
I would give anything to do that second date over again without the physical activities, as he seemed to be the type of guy that I dreamed about. Now I haven't been in a relationship in over two-and-a-half years, and the depression over that is starting to get at me (why do you think I hang around on City-Data talking to a bunch of 40-year-old ex-Brooklynites-turned- PA soccer moms all day?) 
If you enjoy the friendship you have now, then do not indulge him in his requests.
LOL! I just felt the "vibe" from him in the theater with the way his hands were wandering that he wanted to go a bit further, but I suppose I misread those "good intentions." 
I don't know....
