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I have been dating a "single dad" for a few months now. Neither he nor his daughter is the "problem" I think the problem is me. I am having a hard time getting my needs met. I am thinking though that I have too many needs. As we have been dating awhile and we are together almost every night, maybe we are just settling in where nothing is exciting anymore. can't put my finger on the problem. When he has his daughter, I go to his place. Sometimes I feel as though everyone is happy Im there. Other times it's like I don't exist. They have hobbies they do together (Im really not interested) and they will just leave me sitting in another room when they go do thier thing. I realize I am needy so I rarely speak up and say what I need but recently I did as in "are you guys almost done so we can do something I like to do too" It wasn't a big deal but I knew it bothered him and set the tone for not such a fun evening. Im there all the time so yes, do what you need to do , but shouldn't I be made to feel not ignored, like a guest they are happy to have? Certainly not blaming her, he is the leader of what we do, is this just settling in or what????????? Just looking for others thoughts.
They already had an established life, routine, hobbies and interests before you came along so if you are looking for a long term relationship with this man you either get out now or you participate in some way, do some planning of your own for everyone or do something on your own the evenings or days they spend together. Otherwise, you and everyone will get resentful with one another.
You are aware he had a life before you came along so it does no good to complain about it now and you are either interested in his life or you aren't.
Maybe he isn't the right guy for you. That doesn't mean that either of you is the "bad guy".
Be thankful that you are aware of your needs. Your current partner may not be able to meet them.
Why spend every flippin' evening together? Good grief that would drive me nuts. No way would I not give my son his own evenings at home without having to deal with "company"...I think that is incredibly unfair, and he would absolutely hate it. I think you should take a few evenings off to do your own thing....much healthier for everyone.
His life is on a different social level as he has a responsiblity to take care of his daughter. Perhaps you should look into dating someone that does not have kids as they will always be a priority over the person they are dating (as it should be).
After reading several of your posts I'd have to agree that it may well be you. You've admitted that you're insecure and needy and that can be very wearing on a partner. You've only been "dating" for a few months but you've said that you see each other 6-7 nights a week and, on the nights that you don't, spend hours talking on the 'phone. Does that seem very healthy to you?
Maybe you should develop some of your own interests which will decrease the amount of time you spend at his place where you often feel like the fifth wheel. You can't hold someone else responsible for your own well being and comfort, nor expect an established family unit to hold off on their own plans because you just aren't interested in what they happen to be doing.
Ever thought of finding a counselor to help sort out your insecurity issues? These things are so often repetitive when not addressed and are likely to crop up over and over again. Good luck to you!
Honestly when I read the OP, I got the impression you were the one acting like a child. Sorry if that's harsh, but a grown woman shouldn't need constant entertaining, especially when there is a real child spending time with their father. And furthermore, why do you even need to be there if it's "their" time and they are doing things you don't enjoy? If you are with him every night, then why shouldn't this be THEIR time? He probably wouldn't say that to you because it would hurt your feelings, but if you carry on like this I don't think you'll be around much longer.
Last edited by floridadreamer; 09-05-2009 at 12:36 PM..
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