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My father had a huge influence on me, for good and bad. He was a likeable guy, made people laugh, lived very hard and fast, was charismatic and self-educated. He surrounded himself with people from the underbelly of society...junkies, mobsters, drunks, bikers, and often dangerous people. He also had friends who were artists, hippies, intellectuals, and your average family guy. He got along with everyone, but he also had a wild streak. He was at times a walking contradiction. I gravitated towards him and came away with the good and bad, and had my mom to balance things out as well as my grandfather. He also kept a lot of himself from me, because he didn't want me to be like him. So much of his early life is a mystery to me, and he's been dead for 15 years so he took a lot of secrets to the grave with him for better or worse.
I have done the same with my oldest son who is 18 now. I don't want him doing the things I've done in my youth. I sometimes have to kick my friends under the table when they start "story telling" in front of him and he's taking it all in, because I know he will try to be like dad. I've seen it, and for that reason I have to be careful what I share with him and how I conduct myself around him. I want him to be a better person that me, and for the most part he is a better person at 18 that I was.
So it's not always an absolute that a son with follow a father's path in life. I've known lot's of guys who are total opposites of their father. You have to get to know someone for who they are. I will say, you can sometimes discover some things about someone by how they treat their parents and siblings.
I know that everyone is different, and while men may not be mirror images of their dads, there is no denying that how a person is raised will affect their values and behavior later in life.
I agree with this 100%.
It can affect the child in different ways, though. Some hate their father, and put a high priority on turning out different.
Me & my brother only see each other a few times a year, and were discussing this a few weeks ago. We agreed that we both tried to adopt the best qualities of our parents, and avoid the worst.
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And if you think there is a connection, would you be hesitant to date someone if you met their father/mother and you did not like them? Or what if you met their parents and they were really good people, would you be more confident in your partner knowing they had a good upbringing?
It is important to me. I don't assume that a person will turn out like one of their parents, but I keep an eye out for similar traits.
I think it can be either male or female in this case. Meaning a daughter can just as easily follow in her mothers footsteps as a son can his fathers...
It also depends alot on how much of a factor / presence that parent is in their lives. If you have a parent who is a very big influence in their lives then yes, they are going to most likely be like that parent.
I had two kids, I divorced their father when they were very young, from that early age they were with me until recently when they moved out / went to college. My daughter is more like me but has some variation in her personality and my son is more like his father - sooo how do you account for that? He wasn't a big presence in their lives but here is the answer.... my son being raised (per se) by two women (me and his sister) really made him long for a male role model so, when he spent his weekends with his Dad, I think he really looked up to him and took on a lot of his personality.... so it just depends...
Also, I grew up without parents, my dad died when I was 9, my mom died when I was 14, became emancipated at 16 and from there have lived wherever, and just learned to take care of me and learned the rest the best way I could. From what I remember about my parents, my Mom was very responsible, hilarious, charming etc.. My dad loved to spend money even when he didn't have it, also charming, funny, etc.. both very smart though and I think I've taken a lot from them both, but surprisingly more from my Dad as the memories I have of my mother aren't the best.
Last edited by andreaspercheron; 09-08-2009 at 10:34 AM..
Reason: adding to it.
Nope. My father and I are pretty much polar opposites. In fact, while making decisions about money, marriage, and children, I pretty much ask the question, "What would my father do in this situation?" And then I usually do the opposite.
I'm not trying to really harsh on the man. He just was a self-centered man with a lot of emotional problems and he made his family suffer as a result.
I'd have to say no. When I was a kid, and my father told us what to do we did it or suffered the consequences. When I tell my kids to do something its put to a $^^*ing vote and then if it gets carried out its only 50% of what I asked for in the first place. I learned from my dad to always be a gentleman, take care of your family, pay your own way, and if its your house its your rules. No negotiations. The woman you marry is your partner, so if either of you lays down the law the other backs it up period. Any changes made in that basic plan of action take place behind closed doors between the parents (NO OTHER INPUT OR OPINIONS). Today our society does NOT allow us to be like our fathers. Somehow we must be more "understanding" to others needs instead of just doing what we know is best for our families.
My father is a responsible loving husband and dad who I have always looked up to. He was a great role model when growing up and I have to say my own married life is full of love and happiness because of his good mark on my life.
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