Why does the man seem to have to make the first move? (wife, women)

[CTownNative]

Alright, Im curious why it is that most of the time men have to make the first move towards a girl they like. Now For me being a shy almost 18 year old that isn't an easy thing to do. Is it just that the girls are as shy as the guys?

[scarletneon]

they don't HAVE to. I used to be the one to put myself out there, but after being pushed back and told no so many times I don't bother anymore.

There's someone I know right now that I would really really really love to ask out but i'm too afraid he'll reject me to do it. So I just try not to think about it.

so, I'm just here to give a voice that some girls DO make the first move. Whether they'll be that way forever is another story.

[stan4]

I think guys think of being physical sooner and faster than a lot of girls...so it may be they make the first move sheerly out of timing.

[andreaspercheron]

Maybe you haven't met the right women yet. It takes a confident woman to be able to make a first move, sooo... there you go.

[pigeonhole]

As somebody said, "it's cultural, stupid!" (lol)
That being said, having to always make the 1st move gets old in the end (of course not for the Casanovas out there who thrive on "movemaking", but for me , it does).
At one time, as a young guy, it even got me exasperated, I found it degrading.
But then, unwritten laws in our society being what they are, I had no chance of changing them all by myself, so I made a mental trade-off (or in Freudian terms I chose my neurosis ) : allright, I'll do the 1st move, if need be, but only few and far between, to allow my Ego to cope with eventual rejection , as I noticed that, contrary to the Casanovas of this world, being rejected doesn't boost my desire to extend my hand to the opposite sex, but makes me angry for a while, and I needed to evacuate that anger out of my system before making another try, otherwise I unconsciously sent that message of anger/resentment to a potential date, which is of course a radical downturn. In short, in behaving in such a restrined manner, I wanted to protect my emotional balance...or is it what one calls experience?

[Stac2007]

My wife made the first move when we met and she was 18. She saw what she wanted, grabbed me and I am so happy for it. Some women are not affraid to take a chance.

[CTownNative]

Im not generalizing either, I know that sometimes the female does make the first move but in most cases its us guys who have to approach the girls. And i would say Im pretty good looking too, out of 10 I'd rate myself a 6-7.

[Darthfrodo]

It depends on the girl. Girls see themselves as commodities, they have something guys want. They don't want to appear to give it away, it makes them feel cheap and slutty. Guys won't respect them. As a guy if you try to sleep with every girl you meet they'll stay away in droves. Because they see YOU as slutty.

The best plan of action for either sex is: If you see someone you like, introduce yourself, then take things slow.

[DennyCrane]

Originally Posted by CTownNative

Alright, Im curious why it is that most of the time men have to make the first move towards a girl they like. Now For me being a shy almost 18 year old that isn't an easy thing to do. Is it just that the girls are as shy as the guys?

This is one of life's little double standards that you're just going to have to get used to. It's funny. We live in a time when women are encouraged to show initiative when it comes to their career or pursuing other opportunities, but when it comes to their personal life, they're told that it's the man's job to make the first move. Sure, you may meet women out there who are confident enough to approach you. But don't hold your breath.

[Aylalou]

Trust your instincts and intuition. A woman can rightfully make the first move. There are no "shoulds"; if you wait on those, you'll remain waiting.