How Often are People Truly Happily Married? (how to, family, kids)
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I had what I considered a "charmed" marriage, for 23 years, we would pat ourselves on the backs when we heard of people breaking up and divorcing and assume we had done something right. Then my H decided he wasn't so happy afterall and the next 5 years were horrible. Now we are divorcing. Since then I have leaned on a couple close friends, who also have long term marriages, only to discover that things with them are not how they appear and their marriages are in worse shape than mine ever was. The difference is that their husbands arent' leaving. I honestly think that's the key to a lifetime marriage...DON'T LEAVE. People who are married forever and stay in love are few and far between. And very very lucky.
Who cares how many times you get divorced. The more times you do it the more alimony you collect.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ceece
I had what I considered a "charmed" marriage, for 23 years, we would pat ourselves on the backs when we heard of people breaking up and divorcing and assume we had done something right. Then my H decided he wasn't so happy afterall and the next 5 years were horrible. Now we are divorcing. Since then I have leaned on a couple close friends, who also have long term marriages, only to discover that things with them are not how they appear and their marriages are in worse shape than mine ever was. The difference is that their husbands arent' leaving. I honestly think that's the key to a lifetime marriage...DON'T LEAVE. People who are married forever and stay in love are few and far between. And very very lucky.
Many ppl don't realize it but there is a time limit even for many successful marriages. It's usually around the 20 year mark. The only ppl who can stay married for a lifetime are those willing to suffer each other.
Many ppl don't realize it but there is a time limit even for many successful marriages. It's usually around the 20 year mark. The only ppl who can stay married for a lifetime are those willing to suffer each other.
So, basically all people generally suck. Eh, I won't argue that, tho, some are worse than others. Of course, worldview comes into play, in that are you a glass half full or glass half empty type of personality. Something that makes me suffer wouldn't necessarily make you suffer and vice versa.
Every marriage is in effect a compromise. What are you willing to tolerate to stay? The best ones I've seen are nearly effortless. The worst......2 people sitting around hoping the other one dies first. Your first post was quite a rant. You brought up a lot of issues. Your second? Calmer and much more thought out. You answered a lot of your own questions when you talked to your friends, and learned that sometimes marriages that look great from the outside really aren't, and sometimes ones that look terrible from without actually work, because that's how those 2 relate. The absolute #1 priority is this: Are you happy? You love your husband, (in a way) you said. So if you aren't happy....tell him why...and give it a chance to work out with both of you working on it. He deserves that. If he's the problem and he won't change? You have to decide if this is how you want to spend the rest of your life.
One other thing. Vent if you have to. But try to vent to those that will listen only, not those that will try to make a decision for you. Only you can do that.
Who cares how many times you get divorced. The more times you do it the more alimony you collect.
Many ppl don't realize it but there is a time limit even for many successful marriages. It's usually around the 20 year mark. The only ppl who can stay married for a lifetime are those willing to suffer each other.
Many ppl don't realize it but there is a time limit even for many successful marriages. It's usually around the 20 year mark. The only ppl who can stay married for a lifetime are those willing to suffer each other.
I have had this discussion many times with a girlfriend of mine. She's studied Sociology for years and also does not believe that people are meant to be exclusively with one person for the rest of their lives. She said it isn't human nature to do so, and it hardly ever works out for two people to be actually happy or content long term. If like you say two people decide to stay together no matter what, and down the road become companions rather than lovers, or mates, then that is a different story.
I know a couple like this actually. Their daughter is a close friend and she told me they use to argue like cats and dogs. Then one day they just stopped, they get a long fine, never talk about divorce, but they just "are". There is no romance or anything resembling it, they put up with each other as is. So basicly, there isn't anything left to argue about.
I can imagine not being married to my waife. my motther and father were married 60 years and my wife for over 60 years.I thnik tehre are some people who shopuld amrry and other that should. But tehn I also thnik the same people that should marry rarely have lifew lo0ng friends from what I have observed.Now that I am older; I see too many lonely older men and women.
I have had this discussion many times with a girlfriend of mine. She's studied Sociology for years and also does not believe that people are meant to be exclusively with one person for the rest of their lives. She said it isn't human nature to do so, and it hardly ever works out for two people to be actually happy or content long term. If like you say two people decide to stay together no matter what, and down the road become companions rather than lovers, or mates, then that is a different story.
Maybe it's a matter of some people not being able to be happy and content long term on their own regardless of a mate. I say this while thinking of some of my family members. A few of them are just unhappy people. They also have unhappy relationships, but if they were to be single it wouldn't change anything. Well, maybe that's not true. Two miserable people is worse than one. Point being, for a happy marriage, both need to be psychologically and emotionally fit. Perhaps those odds are wanting.
It can be very difficult to live with the same person day after day after day. Spaces in a marriage are a very good thing.
I just got back from a tour. Two couples were celebrating their 61st and 62nd anniversaries! I can't say they looked all too happy. One woman was miserable, and her husband tuned her out; the other couple never smiled and rarely spoke to each other.
There was another couple - probably married about 50 - 55 years who really liked each other, always smiling, outgoing and friendly. They had six kids together and many grandchildren.
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